The Storm

P

prestomation

New member
Hi everybody.

I'm actually more into the recording and performance aspect then songwriting, so i don't usually post here, but I do write songs everyonce in a while.
I feel my new song "The Storm" is especially deep, so i decided to post it.

You can hear the recording here.
That version is pretty much done, but we may redo it with a real piano and percussion and some special FX ;)
(PS. That's not me singing, but the greatest singer in the world, the singer in our band :p )
Anyway, here are the lyrics:

The Storm

Verse:
Sunny days and starry nights deceive us
I don't know what they hide
Many things hide among the heavens
Please don't be afraid

Chorus:
The storms of life. They come without a warning
And though they try to steal it all away.
Many times they'll leave you torn and broken
Please don't be afraid

Verse 2:
The storm has passed, it has gone at last.
The thing we feared has fled
Many times, I stared into the endless sky
Please don't be afraid

Chorus repeats

Verse 1 repeats

Please don't be afraid..........................to let me know what you think!





PPPS. On last listen, i think there's some distortion. The song's not done, and I'm sure it's something in the encoding stage. If you don't hear any distortion, please disregard this postscript...
 
I liked it the only thing I would change is that you end every verse,chorus with the same ''Please don't be afraid'' I would change that, but its just a pet peeve of mine :) other then that I really enjoyed it :)
 
I think the song is great! Great great voice and nice piano. Obviously the lyrics have deeper meaning to you than they do for the casual reader but I wouldn't change them at all as the singer translates them with her voice into a wonderful image.

The only criticism (and this is only my opinion) is the sound of the guitar - it just seemed out of place to me.

Downloaded your other one and will listen to that too.

Lovely stuff.... :) :)
 
Newbie here

This is my first post. I hope you understand that by releasing original, musical material out in to the world (for purposes other that listening pleasure ie* asking for Critique) somebody will come along with an honest opinion for you. (which is all I can possibly offer)-and it should also be taken with a grain of salt. (iodized, if you can get it!)

Well the post cought my attention, and after the time I had to invest in it just to here the song (signing up etc.) I listened a few times and heres what I think.

Although its a working model, before going to the next stage of development with it, this mix can be improved easily.

Piano-Create a melodic signiture I can grow to love/expect and anticipate (especialy if your keeping it basic). Also, It sounds very fake. Nobody really notices or cares(in the real world that is), but try screwing with your mid-frequency a little. you should be able to find a sweet spot for it and it will sit more naturally, as opposed to being a bit clappy. *Or visit your local piano store and bring along a portable digital recorder. When they ask you what your doing, say "trying out piano's." They wont be any the wiser.

vocals-Great sounding vocalist. she holds key well, but this vocal part sounds unrehearsed, keeping her in a comfort range that will ultimatley shorten audience interest span. (were talking about 3:51 in f -no key change.)
The vocals are sitting on top of the piano and not with-Idealy I'd like to think theres a woman singing her heart out while playing a grand piano in a big hall somwhere... or even outdoors. But it's clearly two sound signals playing together that happen to be in the same key and time recorded seperatly and diffently, lacking a magical conjuction which is known to extract more emotion from the listner.-shoot for realism in your source (especialy if your digital).

Guitar-Guitar is big time in/solos are big time out. Bottom Line. (Lose the solo)-I cant go any further with that one.

Other than that its fantastic, Brilliant, Wonderful and I appreciate it. ;)
 
It's hard to judge the song when you have shown us a version of it...

In this case, while I appreciate that the singer can sing, she annoys me... she's singing too much... if you know what I mean... too many long sustained notes with too much vibrato... and I think she could maybe do with being recorded with a less harsh mic..

The guitar solo is really cheesy... I'd loose it...

Other than that... it's a decent pop ballad...
 
Not a bad song at all. There is a lot to like in this. However, IMHO:

The chorus lyrics don't make sense - the line with the word "though" in it should be followed by something that contradicts / puts a different angle on it, your line is just a non sequitur. Work harder on the lyrics.

The song needs to go somewhere - a change in pace or feel, or a middle 8, or something.

Anyway, take or ignore as you wish. Good stuff :)
 
No question she can sing and the recording is fine. The problem is there is nothing interesting about it. It's like hiring Leonardo DaVinci to paint your fence white.

You create interest with contrast: soft/loud, high/low, subdued/powerful. Also, there's no compelling hook...no musical surprise to captivate a listener.

A
 
Thanks for all the comments everyone. It gives me some stuff to think about.


Aaron Cheney said:
It's like hiring Leonardo DaVinci to paint your fence white.
Click to expand...

I definitly agree, hmmm..

Thanks alot!
 
I had that Leonardo guy round to paint my fence once. The neighbours all complained about the pictures of blokes in loin cloths AND he left cigarette butts in the cat food dish :rolleyes:

Seriously, I think Aaron was a little harsh, which is not his usual style. I think it's an interesting colour but it is all one colour. Get some movement into it and you'd have something.
 
Garry Sharp said:
Seriously, I think Aaron was a little harsh, which is not his usual style. I think it's an interesting colour but it is all one colour. Get some movement into it and you'd have something.
Click to expand...

Sorry if my post came across harsh. I didn't really mean it that way. I think Garry has summed up my thoughts here in a more diplomatic fashion.

A
 
I listened to this on my laptop without the ext speakers and that lady sounds good even on those.

Its really kind of an angelic song, with a celtic, hymn feel, if you get my point-soulful... I like it... but its same thing over and over without much variation and it doesn't keep my admitedly short attention span. Just some ideas:

1. Dynamics - softer louder, more grit, less grit.
1a. Don't give the listener all that lady's potential at first, let them anticipate it.
2. A descant over the top of the main lyric line at some point, seems like it would fit this song.
3. A gradual cresendo toward the finale' and maybe a key change up.
4. The natural tendency for slow songs is for the tempo to drag.

when I sang choir music, they hammered the importance of variation... particularly the dynamics to keep the listeners attention. Your song brings all that back to mind.

I like it, will yall do one of my songs?

johnathon
 
The awesome singing aside, I have to agree that the song just sits there, and there are a lot of cliche'd images in the writing. This song could be magic with a few rewrites and some more dynamics...
 
critique

I'm at work so I haven't been able to listen to the recording yet, I'd be happy to give you my critique of the lyrics. I've been working hard on songwriting so If I'm specific and picky, its because the people I'm hanging with have been that way towards me. Anyway.. here goes.

This chorus is confusing as a reader.. You say they try to steal it all away, but you don't say what "it" is... The way those two center lines work together doesn't seem to fit with me.. "And though they seem to steal it all away, many times they'll leave you torn and broken"... I'd like to hear as a listener something more like "And though they _insert something positive here_, many times they'll leave you torn and broken" or "They'll try to steal it all away, and many times leave you torn and broken"...

The fact that you use the title as the last line of each of the choruses and verses is interesting. I don't know if you did that as an artistic expression or it just happened.. Normally, a verse/chorus song has the title in the chorus and not in the verses... an AAA would keep the title line at the beginning or the end of the song.... Thinking about song forms when I re-read this... I think I'd like to hear it as an AABA ... without the repeating chorus. Your moving through time.. the storm coming, destroying, and passing.. but I'd like it to be more graphic.. More images of the storm.. both its pleasant points, and its violent points. Maybe turn the chorus into a B section and add a verse.

Verse two.. I like the quick rhyme in the first line.. past and last.. but the verse doesnt really say anything other than the storm left.. Why did you stare into the endless sky many times? Was it durring the storm? Also.. If the thing "we" feared has fled.. how come you end with "please dont be afraid"..

Theres great ideas for a song here. A nice metaphor, some cool rhymes.. but the words and ideas could be pulled together to convey more specific images.. that way they would evoke stronger emotions.

These are just things that I can imagine being pointed out to me in a songwriting session.. I like the song, so please don't think I'm knocking it. Just trying to help you make it the best it can be.

- Luke.
 
This is not a bad song. I can see it playing under the closing dialogue of an episode of "Lost" or other such TV drama. The reason it would work well there is because the singer can evoke a feeling for the 90 seconds it is playing behind the actors talking and the lyrics are in the background.

That's not to say they are bad, they are not. They just don't stand out. This song either needs to be 2 minutes long or have something happen to it in that four minutes. Songs are like stories, there needs to be some sort of build-up, pinnacle, conclusion/resolution scenario going on either lyrically, musically or -ideally- both.

This isn't true of all songs. A particularly intricate song lyric-wise can get away with less jump-out-at-you lyrics and vice-versa. For this type of song I think you need an interesting hook, a strong chorus (read "a good rhyme scheme"), and an inventive bridge that furthers the emotion of the song. For a good example of what I'm talking about with this type of song check R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts". The bridge keeps the song from fading about halfway through. Without that step down of "Don't throw your hand..." the song would be unintersting and repetitive. As it is as soon as it starts to get a little "yeah, yeah, everybody hurts, I get it..." the bridge pops in and elicits a "Wow, that sticks in your gut" response.

Good tune though. Work on the rhyme scheme and the theme a little bit and retool the middle and you've got a fine number there.

Keep the singer.
 
Presto,

First off, nice haunting song, very much in the vein of Sarah MacLaughlin.

Singing: she is good technically and emotionally, but I feel she could give more if singing against a stronger arrangement.

The Piano: I play some piano as well, and I just found the use of percussive block chords you use throughout to be somewhat heavy and monotonous.
I feel to some extent that you are sitting between two chairs: you want a piano/voice opening (at least) but you also insist on driving the beat as if you are substituting for a missing rhythm section.

If you played a softer, more rolling style during the opening, that would be a plus. A bass line (drums?) could then come in, and some warm strings. Then change key for the last chorus, let things swell, and drop everything out for a quiet, drawn-out final line. Commercial arrangement, yeah, but I think it would work.

And the guitar needs to go, as mentioned; I am not saying you couldn't have a solo, but the tone of this one screams "80es big-hair rock" at me, and, to my taste, it doesn't fit.

Keep up the good work; the song deserves it. I look forward to version 2,

Best,

CC
 
I love the song, but it definitely needs some sort of build up and added drums, bass, strings to bring closure. Otherwise, it's just repetetive. I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said already, but I wanted to point out that I liked the song.

Good work, and I look forward to hearing more stuff from you guys.

-Springfield
 
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