Hi All,
Several of you have seen this one before, and gave very good feedback.
I am trying to hammer out a decent chorus for my 'departure' song, and also figure out the bridge.
I did opt to keep the lines about the 'bar in the background' in place instead of breaking that verse up for bridge purposes (although I love the idea of using the 'headlights' bit as a bridge) so a few things:
Does the chorus come across too much as if it's just another verse, or could the current 2nd verse simply be pressed into service as a chorus if you find that the current chorus is too weak.
And also, the original second verse, since it is staying together, could it function as a mega-bridge if I perhaps drop the music into minor and change up the arrangement, or is it just too big to feel like a bridge?
Any and all ideas gratefully accepted.
TERMINAL.
V.1:
I pull your bag behind me
You clutch your ticket tight
We know we just can’t end like this
We also know we might
To Paris, then to Cairo
To places that you know,
To silence in my empty rooms
To hurt that won‘t let go.
CH:
When pain and need keep taking
The place where love should be
It’s terminal, it’s done with,
But we refuse to see
Years of re-fought battles
Hours of relief
Too much and much too little
Now there’s only grief
V.2:
A love that won’t be done with
For reasons we don’t know
20 years of leaving
Without us letting go
We’re each so many versions
Of things we’ve never had
That losing the illusion
Is worse than going mad.
(Possible Bridge?):
We say I should go home now,
No need to wait around,
Three hours left for us to talk
But I can’t make a sound
The bar is right behind us,
But I don’t touch that stuff
Until the plane is off the ground
Then I can’t get enough.
CH:
When pain and need keep taking
The place where love should be
It’s terminal, it’s done with,
But we refuse to see
Years of re-fought battles
Hours of relief
Too much and much too little
Now there’s only grief
V.3:
I strain to see the checkpoint
You make it through ok
We wave one time and then you’re gone
And I get on my way,
The headlights cut the darkness
My vision blurs again
You’re drinking tea and waiting
I’m drifting back to then.
CH:
When pain and need keep taking
The place where love should be
It’s terminal, it’s done with,
But we refuse to see
Years of re-fought battles
Hours of relief
Too much and much too little
Now there’s only grief
2009@ C. Harding.
Several of you have seen this one before, and gave very good feedback.
I am trying to hammer out a decent chorus for my 'departure' song, and also figure out the bridge.
I did opt to keep the lines about the 'bar in the background' in place instead of breaking that verse up for bridge purposes (although I love the idea of using the 'headlights' bit as a bridge) so a few things:
Does the chorus come across too much as if it's just another verse, or could the current 2nd verse simply be pressed into service as a chorus if you find that the current chorus is too weak.
And also, the original second verse, since it is staying together, could it function as a mega-bridge if I perhaps drop the music into minor and change up the arrangement, or is it just too big to feel like a bridge?
Any and all ideas gratefully accepted.
TERMINAL.
V.1:
I pull your bag behind me
You clutch your ticket tight
We know we just can’t end like this
We also know we might
To Paris, then to Cairo
To places that you know,
To silence in my empty rooms
To hurt that won‘t let go.
CH:
When pain and need keep taking
The place where love should be
It’s terminal, it’s done with,
But we refuse to see
Years of re-fought battles
Hours of relief
Too much and much too little
Now there’s only grief
V.2:
A love that won’t be done with
For reasons we don’t know
20 years of leaving
Without us letting go
We’re each so many versions
Of things we’ve never had
That losing the illusion
Is worse than going mad.
(Possible Bridge?):
We say I should go home now,
No need to wait around,
Three hours left for us to talk
But I can’t make a sound
The bar is right behind us,
But I don’t touch that stuff
Until the plane is off the ground
Then I can’t get enough.
CH:
When pain and need keep taking
The place where love should be
It’s terminal, it’s done with,
But we refuse to see
Years of re-fought battles
Hours of relief
Too much and much too little
Now there’s only grief
V.3:
I strain to see the checkpoint
You make it through ok
We wave one time and then you’re gone
And I get on my way,
The headlights cut the darkness
My vision blurs again
You’re drinking tea and waiting
I’m drifting back to then.
CH:
When pain and need keep taking
The place where love should be
It’s terminal, it’s done with,
But we refuse to see
Years of re-fought battles
Hours of relief
Too much and much too little
Now there’s only grief
2009@ C. Harding.
