Suicide tune

[Calwood]

I've been writing this tune about suicide. It's not done yet,..this is only a draft. Would appreciate some mix advise as well as songwriting/lyrics comments.
Here are the lyrics,...

GREY

You had the most in life
Lived with a golden eye
Inside it was all despair
You'd lie to those who cared

Yeah,..its sad to know
Just how you let it go
Cause now it's cold in life
Since you fell upon the knife

chorus:
Your free as can be
Just how you wanna be
In the cover of the night
Alone you took your life
Its real lost in me
Just how this came to be

The sun was bright the day you died
When she found you on the porch outside
Now the leaves have dried,..she still wont smile
Ya know it kills to see her cry
All our sun has faded grey
Since you have gone,..were not the same

Any input is greatly appreciated. As usual,..I played everything and my singing still blows.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=46776
"Grey"

Take 'er easy,..
Calwood

 

[Dogman]

Cool song dude. Fix the vocals. They are a bit buried in verb, or something. They don't sound badly performed, so let them through. You have 2 "be"s in the first part of the chorus. Might help if you changed one up.

"You're free, can't you see,
Just how you want to be...."... maybe?

Anyway, like the chord progression, and the way the song flows together. See if you can bring teh vocals out front a bit more.
Ed