Song for review

M

Milkman

New member
Hey Everyone,

This is one of the first songs I've written and tried to record. I didn't do this on my home setup, so didn't have as much time to edit/mix as I would have liked.

The song is called "Dogmatic Theories" and is at
.

All of this was recorded into Pro Tools via an Mbox. AT 3035 on vocals, Roland V drums, Technics keyboard.

Lyrics:

Verse 1
Standing in the limelight
No shadows to hide in
No escape from this dream
Nothing is what it seems.
Hanging from the strings of life
Dangling on the reins of strife
Surrounded by a hypocritical mob
Watching every move.

Chorus
Dogmatic Theories:
An untrue series
Of condemning lies that never seem to cease;
Ominous clouds
that loom overhead
accountable only
to a God up above.

Verse Two
Scanning the horizon
Looking for something better;
A perfect place falling
Like manna from heaven,
The chorus resounding,
Like a jury's hammer,
Though the verdicts fall,
you are your harshest critic.
 
Drums sound like they were recorded in a tin can. I realize they are fake but they could use some work. Vocals seem a little out of tune at times. I like the piano playing though :).
 
Very out of tune in many places...missed notes on paino.

The lyrics are crazy bad....this song actually shed some light on how bad something I have been working on is. Thanks for that.
 
Recording quality aside, the performance is the biggest issue here.

The drummer seems fairly tight, so start with that. Get a good drum track down and then overdub the remaining parts.

Get a different singer; no offense but it's going to take a year of lessons to help whoever is singing now.

Make the piano player do as many takes as necessary to get that part down right. Consider using a sampled piano so he/she can punch in corrections when needed. It takes the pressure off from having to do it right all the way through.

That synth pad in the opening is horrible, but maybe it's all you've got.

Don't get discouraged, we've all been where you are at now.
 
I like the piano :) Both sound wise and composition wise.

Nothing to add to what's already been said about the drums.

If you have no personal relationship with the singer, be as honest to him as you can possibly be. He is absolutely horrible, in every aspect.
 
Milkman - the songwriting forum is a good place to hang occasionally for the lyric side of things. I am afraid I agree with Jake - yours is a meaningless assortment of cliches.

This is not the forum to go into detail but if you head over to songwriting you'll get some input.

Cheers

Garry
 
Thanks for all the comments guys. As I said, this was the first song I wrote and I appreciate the feedback. I agree with most of what you're saying.

Halion said:
I like the piano :) Both sound wise and composition wise.

Nothing to add to what's already been said about the drums.

If you have no personal relationship with the singer, be as honest to him as you can possibly be. He is absolutely horrible, in every aspect.
Click to expand...

Hey Halion...I am the singer (and piano player and drummer...) so I can be honest with him :D I didn't think it was THAT bad but I realize I have a long way to go.

Thanks guys.
 
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