Some thoughts on my songs?

M

MusicBernd

New member
Hi everyone!

I'm new to this forum, so I'll introduce myself; I'm Bernd, 24 years old living near Vienna (Austria, not a native english speaker, so excuse a few mistakes), playing piano and guitar and - guess what - writing songs. I've done much writing the past two years and I somehow felt that I have to do something out of it, so I went on and did some arrangment works, got a sequencer, VST effects, mic and amp and made at least lo-fi recordings of my songs.

As many of you may have experienced too, it's not that easy to mix it properly and get all the instruments in the stereo image that you want. So please take into account, that I am a newbie to mixing and don't have very good studio monitors.

For the moment I have 2 songs uploaded on myspace with more coming in the near future. I'll say a few words about each of them:

Memories And Dreams
Don't expect much from the production or the mix, this one was a quick and dirty "get it on your computer" recording with some weird effects on voice and piano. A better version is in the works. It's a sad song and some of the lyrics have changed since I recorded that version. However, the lyrics on this have a very special meaning to me.

We'll Have The Time
This is just about... whatever, I don't know. It's cold here in Austria and the snow is falling down and I was dreaming of a warm summer's day, where you can take a walk with whoever you like and wherever you like. I tried a bit more things in this mix and compared to my first tries on that song it sounds quite okay. What I'm gonna change is the fact, that I only recorded a small portion of each instrument (mainly guitars) and looped them which give's it a "looped" feeling that I don't like. I'll put more variations on it. This is also the first time I tried doing background vocals, though it would sound so much better if there were other voice colors in there.

You can listen to both songs on myspace.com/berndmusic!

I'd love to hear some feedback on the songwriting itself and what comes to your mind when you think about the production (if you're more experienced you'll somehow notice what's wrong or could be better in a much faster way).

Thanks for your feedback!
Bernd
 
Hi Bernd - I had a listen just now and my first impressions/thoughts are:

Memories and dreams
I liked the piano intro/outro and the vocal treatment. I like the sound of your voice and the way you've recorded it. The song itself I found a bit bland to my mind and somehow unfinished. I am very critical though (and also of my own stuff too!); so the next poster may have a different view of the song completely! You say that the lyric has a special meaning for you so apologies that I didn't find it exceptional. Others may well do. :)

We'll have the time
The intro immediately reminded me of The Beatles, especially the vocal treatment (very John Lennon I thought..) BUT not in a bad way.. I don't mean you're copying them, it just came into my mind, that's all and in a good way.

I love the lazy dream like quality of this song and I did play it several times. I especially liked the 'we'll have the time' phrase/chorus. I liked the production overall. I am not an experienced audio producer/engineer so I can't critique the recording.

I would certainly make an effort to listen to more of your stuff if I had the opportunity. :)

Finally, I hope my feedback is not too direct/judgemental. If it is, I apologise now. It is certainly not my intention to offend you or anyone else.

I am here to make friends and hopefully learn too!

Fx
 
Frankie Rage said:
.....Finally, I hope my feedback is not too direct/judgemental. If it is, I apologise now. It is certainly not my intention to offend you or anyone else....
Click to expand...

I have been hanging around the Songwriters forum for almost four years now. I have found the people here to be honest, helpful, friendly, and forthright almost without exception. It is a rare bird indeed that isn't simply trying to help their comrades by tossing out their thoughts on a particular song. I, for one, appreciate your humble honesty. Good show.
 
Hi!

Thanks for your feedback! You don't have to apologize, your feedback helps a lot; I have to agree with up-fiddler, as long as we don't rant each other (or each other's works) and stay constructive, one of the reasons to be in this forum is to know, what other's feel or think when listening to songs.

It's interesting, 'cos I found that Memories And Dreams is unfinished myself. Also, lyrics isn't my strength (or let's say they don't come very easy). These lyrics especially are very "plain" and direct. However, it was written in a very special situation in my life (in a strange emotion filled with pain but somehow with a bit of a positive touch) and it was done in about 30 minutes; I feel that it needs "more" to it and it lacks some... hook or whatever. On the other hand I feel that it shouldn't be touched because it was exactly what was right in that situation. To me it sounds a bit like a lullaby.

Your feedback 'bout We'll Have The Time is very helpful, 'cos it shows that the song actually represents what is intended to be: a dreamy song. Makes me proud that I got this feeling into it ('cos I'm not a producer /mixer etc. either) so I am limited to composition, voice and instrument playing (a few effects here and there, but I'm not a pro) to get a certain mood into a song.

Again, thank you a lot for your feedback. I've many songs that are yet to be recorded, I'll surely post them here as soon as I have an MP3 version of them.

Bernd
 
With 'Memories and dreams', of course there is nothing wrong with a simple and direct lyric. Many people I am sure would be moved by these honest and heartfelt words. If you keep just the simple lyric you have you can of course 'say more' in the music itself to complete the story.

Hey, it's great to hear that you're going to record and upload more songs! :)

I intend to do the same and I shall welcome all feedback. I hope to be around on this forum for the forseeable future and will look out for any new posts from you.

You have a good feel to your music that drew me in. :)

Yer pal,

Fx
 
Can't find the link

Hey Bernd,
Welcome to the forum. I would be happy to give your stuff a listen but I can't get a link to work. :confused: Perhaps include a workable link in your post here? Just a thought. Welcome in either case. Dave aka up-fiddler
 
Hey Bernd. Glad to see something posted. Welcome in.

Memories and Dreams This needs to be worked up a bit sonically. Bring your vox up front in the mix and be careful to stay on pitch.

We'll Have the Time This reminds me of a summer day just laying in the grass and looking up at the sky dreaming whatever randomness creeps into one's head. I like the arrangement of this one. Next time post a lyric sheet for people to look at while they listen and you will probably get more comments and advice. Keep pressing play and record at the same time, Dave. :D aka up-fiddler
 
Hi up-fiddler!

Thanks for your feedback. I'm currently re-recording Memories And Dreams. I finally decided to not stay it untouched, composed some more music to it and changed the arrangement. You're totally right, the vocals ain't that good on this one :).

Regarding the vocals, I'm much more happy with We'll Have The Time (except the last backing vocals "ooh" which is off-key a bit; that needs to be changed).

The lyrics can be seen on the myspace-site (clicking on "songtext" I think), but I'll post We'll Have The Time here:


We'll Have The Time

stop the time while we're going over
all the things we'd like to do
watching all the world go past us, rolling
and our worries far away

we'll have the time
we'll have the time
we'll have the time

take my hand while we're going through
every place we'd never seen
all the birds whistling tunes
and the sun shines down on me

we'll have the time
we'll have the time
we'll have the time

close your eyes while we're going home
'cos we filled our memories
just be sure that tomorrow
we'll be going again

we'll have the time
we'll have the time
we'll have the time
​

Again, thank you for your feedback, that'll help a lot for new versions of the songs (and the ones that are yet to be recorded).

Bernd
 
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