Scar Crossed Lovers (temp)

rayc

rayc

retroreprobate

This is the backing track for a song I started in january.
I've added an intro guitar line guide and lyric guide as I can neither play lead nor sing.
The title is temporary too.
Any thoughts given the limitations?
Scar Crossed Lovers
The lyrics:
Knapsack packed
No oversight
Not for staying
Overnight
Scar crossed lovers
Bloodletting rite

Steady recall
Every word
Each a bullet
Hit when heard
Take exception
Taking note

Even footsteps
Each steady breath
Feint aroma
Of crystal meth
Tattooed patterns
Each line a death

Steady recall
Every word
Each a bullet
Hit when heard
Take exception
Taking note

Scar crossed lovers
In bedrooms dark
Search reaction
Leaving their mark
Keeping tally
All she wrote

Steady recall
Every word
Each a bullet
Hit when heard
Take exception
Taking note
 
Good rocker. I can't sing, but I can handle this one an octave higher than you did it here. Have you tried it an octave higher?
 
I think I heard at least 4 notes in there... :p

My deeper vocals sound like this, quasi spoken word - the key is to still give them an emotive touch. They're a bit lifeless here. I know they're unlikely to be your final version (if you end up even signing it), but figure to be complete I'd give full feedback. They're also too low in the mix and from what I can tell, really dry. Try fully producing them and bring them up in the mix, they'll sound better than trying to mask them under the music.

The bass guitar's lower end could come up a notch.

Guitars and drums sound good. Straight forward song.
 
Bring the vocals up. Hard to hear especially since your not singing in any kind of sparse range. If thats all you can muster, have someone at least sing higher parts during your chorus so you have some definition between parts and it doesn't sound like one continuous verse.
 
MusicalSound,
The drums are courtesy of BandInABox.
They aren't much chop but all I have to work with at present as my drum machine's timing has begun to wander.
Bruthish,
I don't anticipate actually doing the vocal on this or any track. I can't sing - not even "...in any kind of sparse range." Perhaps that wasn't clear in my OP.
Pinky,
I'll tweak the bass bottom. Hopefully I shan't need to bother with mu vocals but thanks for the clear directions anyway. FOUR notes, wow, I'm extended my range!
 
I like this one ray. Guitars sound really cool. I think you've improved quite a bit in the guitar tone area over the years. :) Bass is cool too, but I'd like to hear just a little more of it myself.

I think this drum part fits quite well actually. Not sure about the sound of the kit (mostly the cymbals), but I really like the beat for this. It's got a different kind of energy to it compared to a lot of your other tracks.
 
Nice B52s style of rocker.
I agree...the vocals might cut through better if they were in a higher octave.
 
Id agree with Miro...nowt really wrong with the singing, just too low


it has an Undertones vibe about it...almost new wave, especially the tone of the guitar and bass...I really like it, felt like I was listening to an early eighties tune
 
Hi, Ray - nice little tune! Guitars sound good. I think the bottom end of the drums could do with thinning as the bass guitar, low toms and kick drum are doing a woolly/indistinct kind of thing together. I like the style, though!
 
Hey ray... on the assumption that you'll co-opt one of our friendly drumming and/or singing staff for a collab... nothing really much from me at this stage... I like the tune, the guitars sound good and the audio reproduction on my laptop is too crap for me to offer anything by way of mix tips.

How wedded are you to the actual vocal melody and the way the lyrics fall in with the music, especially in the chorus? I could see other ways of approaching it...
:thumbs up:

But nice, so far.
 
If it weren't for the toms, I wouldn't think these drums are in a box.

Seems like a pretty straightforward rock tune. The vocal delivery will make or break it, but it is solid as it stands right now: Guitars are solid, bass is solid, drums are solid.

Love your lyrics, as per usual.

:thumbs up:
 
I agree with Chili - this sounds pretty cool and your tone stack is great!
Good to hear you exercising your pipes - they sound good and I hope you'll continue. Even if you decide not to sing the final this is a great way to show any potential singer your vision of the song. Meter and timing etc.
 
Heatmiser,
Thanks mate. I'll add some posterior to the bass. The development of TONE is down to finally listening to Greg - he'd been nudging me for years to do something more meaty plus I've done quite a bit of tone thread reading.
Miroslav,
Ta - I saw the 1st B52s tour of OZ - fun band. I agree re the vox but what is recorded is my full range!
Kcearl,
Thanks ranga! It may have been me reading Babylon's Burning - a tome about the rise & fall of punk - that gave it the vibe. The Undertones were given quite a few mentions.
Bubba Po,
Fang Que. I'll tweak the drums if I can. Band in a Box gave me a stereo file so it'll be a trade off.
Armistice,
Ta muchly Mr Smiff, I'm on a bit of a promise re drums but that will have to be as and when it's convenient which is fine as I'm in no hurry. That's the only tie in at this stage.
Supercreep,
Thanks C. The BITB drums aren't as awful as my drum machines & I haven't had any luck getting the e drums my wife bought me to talk to external samples so I'm glad they're passable. I tried to make it simple - or rather to not complicate it with my usual fiddly camouflage. Lyrically this was a stretch for me as I started from scratch and tried to keep it uncomplicated. I'm still trying to rewrite the 1st line.
ido1957,
Cheers Ido. I did want to get my idea re the lyrics recorded in some way - easier than notation but more painful. I was being a bit brave trying a guitar line & vocal line but it hasn't collapsed on me too badly.
 

Based on suggestions I've
a) retracked the intro guitar (valve amp & blend of two mics double tracked as well with panning 50%L & 50%R)
b) added some more bottom end to the bass
c) raised the horrid vocals & tweaked an almost double track to work as a Motown Exciter and to boost the chorus.
d) dropped a bit of reverb on the master buss as well as some "glue" compression.
Any thoughts?
 
I really like this. I missed the original version but this mix sounds pretty bloody good to me. Someone up there mentioned The Undertones and that was my first thought when the guitars and drums kicked in. Sounds like a bad edit at 0.53. (that stood out a bit for me but I am blasting it)

Can you sing in a higher tone at all? If you double tracked the vocals with a higher octave this could sound a lot better. I don't think your voice is horrible at all, it just sounds like you're lacking confidence in it. You have quite a pleasant tone in my opinion.

Personally, I would drop the drums down a touch. The mix of them sounds great but they seem a touch too loud for the rest of the instrumentation for me here.

Good stuff though, I really enjoyed the track. :thumbs up:
 
I only listened to the 2nd version.

I thought the guitars sounded pretty good. No real complaints - they work pretty well in the mix.

The bass was a little low in the mix. I think it could also use a little boost in the low end. It's a cool part, I like the way it moves.

I would lower the overheads a few db's and raise the snare level a couple of dbs. There is a lot of OH in the drum sound - a bit too much for me.

The vocal is much dryer than the instrument tracks. You can probably guess what I would do - dry up the instruments. :)

There are probably some good spots for harmonies.

I'm being too critical. I love the vibe and feel of the song. It's cool.
 
The horrid vocals are sounding pretty good mate - they work well for this style of new wavey tune. I wonder if you could spit them with a bit more venom though? You're clearly self-conscious of your voice, but I think the style can really withstand vocal limitations with some more attitude applied.

Guitars and bass sound really good, nice tones. The drums are a bit splashy and overhead heavy for me - what freedom do you have to tweak with band in a box?

This mix is a lot quieter than the jan15Senupmiddle one on your soundcloud. Is it just a limiter that you've switched off or something? That version gives a bit more sparkle to the guitars I think.

Anyway, enjoying what you've done so far, and good to hear something new from you ray
 
Second version's improved. I like the sound of it and that's huge. You're working on the vocal, so you might be persuaded to continue that: how about doubling the chorus? And for both the main vocal and the doubled vocal, how about putting a gobsmack of delay on it? And on the doubled chorus vocal, how about putting a serious amount of distortion? That'd make it pop.

I like this tune.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top