REM-type song - need arrangement advice

T

trimonious

New member
Go ahead and tear this apart on both mix and arrangement. I think it's just too damn long for my liking and I only want to keep the vital bits. I won't prejudice your opinion by telling you what I think should go - just tell me what to cut and any advice on the mix and/or tracking would be very, very useful.

https://soundcloud.com/trimonious/catch-me-if-you-can

bear in mind that up until last year, I thought mixing was just setting the volumes once and pressing "export" so the fact that there is any automation, panning, EQ, etc. is a big step for me. But please tear it apart - harsh criticism is a welcome way to learn.

Update: Based on the feedback from you all, here is the revised shorter and hopefully improved version:
https://soundcloud.com/trimonious/catch-me-if-you-can-edit-mstr
 
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Nice intro, but the instrumental followup between the intro and when the verses start goes on too long perhaps - the singing could start at 0.52 with no problem. At 2.30, it would be really nice to have something new happen, but it just goes toward and into the chorus again. Nice as it is to hear about her on her back again, it happens too soon, I think. If this was mine, I'd cut a chunk out between about 2.27 and 3.32. (Another advantage of this is you get to choose the absolute best lyrics for the tune.) I just axed five songs from an album whose set list I was really fond of - you can axe a minute from a song. Also, you could truncate the fade by twenty seconds if you wanted. You could get this one down to just over 3 minutes if you wanted.

Unsolicited mix comment: a bit less space on the vocal?

Unsolicited recording comment: mis-key on the piano at 2.20?

I like the tune, BTW.
 
Great advice. I'll get out the scalpel and try out your ideas. Thank you so much for listening and giving thoughtful feedback - as you know, it makes all the difference in the world to have another set of interested ears! Thank you.
 
yeah, echoing dobro, cool intro, but a little bit too long before the verse start....Very nice vocal, like that style, enjoyed the listen!
 
I agree. I'm going to make the painful choices and maybe cut one of the verses. I truly appreciate you listening to the song and giving feedback. There's something about people you don't know listening to the songs that makes them suddenly live.
 
I feel like the vocals are a bit too loud compared to some of the other instruments and the drums lack a little bit of power; but then again maybe that's just me. I think the song sounds great. Good job overall on the song itself and the mix!
 
I think I agree with you - especially on the drums. I'm using studio drummer so i'm still working out how the EQ and compression works for the individual drum kit items. You're right it currently lacks that umph! in the drums and chorus that would make the choruses and the lead up into the bridge much stronger. I appreciate you spending the time to give me feedback.
 
That was nothing like REM. It sounded like each instrument was playing a different song. Some of those parts were so off key from each other that it made me nauseous. The bass line was incoherent and there was no real melody. Keep the lyrics and rewrite everything else.
 
I appreciate your honesty. I agree the bass line has some bum notes and doesn't have much of a melody. Thanks for taking the time to listen. I'm not sure I agree with you entirely but I do agree that the piano and mandolin are occasionally just clutter rather than garnish so I'll rethink those. I regret putting REM in the headline - never good to compare something you do to great bands, just reminded me of the tone of New Adventures in Hi-Fi or Up so i wanted to give listeners some sort of idea of what they were in for. Truly appreciate you listening and giving honest feedback.
 
Good song well performed. I envy your bass tone! Guitars have a cool distortion - reminds me of Nirvana. I found there was a bit too much going on in the center of the spectrum, and the vocals were a little cloudy and reverby for my taste. Overall I liked it...your voice reminds me of the Moody Blues singer. :D:D:D:D
 
I think you're right about the vocals being too reverby (dobro made a similar point). The effect is very low in the mix (10%) on vintage plate reverb but I think a lot of the room might have come in with it. I'll take it right down. Thank you so much for the feedback.
(as for the Moody Blues, I'll take any comment that isn't "your voice sucks" as a compliment, so thanks!)
 
Thanks for all the help and advice - it really made this much better in my view. Much respect to all the people who gave their time to help a stranger.
 
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