Rackin Frackin song writting .......

S

Sigma9

New member
Ok heres the low down, Im wondering if I should try to play out the song and be totally self revealing or continue the storey from another angle and keep my deepest feelings to myself. What do you think? heres what i have so far...

Well there you are,
Beautiful,
Like a sunset,
In my eyes...
And here I am,
Standing here wishing,
I could touch you,
One last time...
And after all,
Cant we just be friends,
Call eachother on the telephone,
Every now and then,
Oh girl just to hear your voice one more time again,
I would just die...
(2nd verse)
Remember when,
We both said forever,
And how our love was strong and could last the stormy weather,
I guess things just never changed for the better,
And I saw you die...
 
so far so good... it sounds like there might be a compelling story here. A good song often tells a good story. Don't be afraid to tell it.

Chris
 
Bah!

It Just gets worse now. I have added the last verse but now I have no idea on what to say for the chorus...
 
Well...............

I just don't get it.............................

OK...........your lyric is full of emotions.....full of feelings....

Great...........

But what, who, where, when, why??? ....that's my question

Call me old fashioned I guess......
I need a story...........ya know?
A hook would be nice too....
while you are at it....a little structure couldn't hurt.....


Good luck with it man...take good care,
Joe
 
maybe you didnt read it,

or you got mad cause it hit too close to home.
The first sentance says WHO, which would be the person singing the song. The WHAT is obviously a relationship gone bad. The WHERE & WHEN can be anywhere 2 people might meet that had a past relationship. And WHY, because sometimes love never dies...
 
Re: maybe you didnt read it,

Sigma9 said:
or you got mad cause it hit too close to home.
Click to expand...

Nope...I can't even relate to it because it is so vaque.........that's all....who are your characters????

He??
She??
Paul Bunyon and Babe???

The WHAT is obviously a relationship gone bad.
Click to expand...

Boy....that's an original story with a good plot..........no one's ever done one like that.....

The WHERE & WHEN can be anywhere 2 people might meet that had a past relationship.
Click to expand...

anywhere huh??
Yeah...I think I know where that is....near Kalamazoo....right??


And WHY, because sometimes love never dies...
Click to expand...

HaHaHaHa......................

oops...sorry....didn't mean to laugh out loud....

Good luck with your writing man...
 
dude...

ok, now your just being a dick. I will finish the song, and it will be a damn good one, whether you like it or not Joro. If you dont wanna hear another song about a bad relationship fine, dont take that shit out on me. I cant stand people like you, like your some fucking Berni Taupin.
 
Re: dude...

Sigma9 said:
ok, now your just being a dick. I will finish the song, and it will be a damn good one, whether you like it or not Joro. If you dont wanna hear another song about a bad relationship fine, dont take that shit out on me. I cant stand people like you, like your some fucking Berni Taupin.
Click to expand...

Gee................did you get mad?? did it hit close to home???


too bad dude....


Good luck with your writing man....you are gonna need it....
especially if a critique pisses you off....
 
that wasnt a critique

and you know it. Your first post was, but your second wasnt. What hit home was your attitude, but after listening to your 7 songs I realize why you might feel assulted by my lyrics. Its not me that will need help, its you joro LMFAO :D
 
Last edited:
assulted????



Is that a word that youse guyz use in Fantasy land????


Ok....so you listened to my songs and don't like the writing.....

To each his own....everyone is entitled to an opinion.......no big deal.....

You will have to forgive me for not getting flustered.....

I have been raked through the lyrical critique coals more than once......and by people who know how to write......no big thing man....

Good try though.....
 
what do you mean by

fantasy land? I mean my lyrics were so bad they assulted you didnt they? One more thing, just cause you can critique other peoples stuff doesnt mean you have to blast every word of a half done song. Your first post was fine, I tried to explain the who, what, where , when & why but then you just blasted away. I listened to your music and I dont care for it, that doesnt make it bad, and your mixes are nice and clear. At least I listened to them, so now its your turn to show a little respect and we can end this foolish bikkering...
 
You are right.....

Peace.... :)
Sorry if I offended you......


OK....now go finish the song so I can hear it and eat my words....

later,
Joe
 
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