Poring my heart out

My gut opinion...this sounds ambitious and you seem to be having fun, thats good...made me think of early Chicago...the melody is okay...the drums are good (are you mainly a drummer?)...the vocal sounds out of tune a lot though...there is some bad clashing of musical notes on the second half of the verses (when you strike the chords)...I would put in a string sound toward the last-half of the song to add some variation and intensity.
 
so true, it's weird how it sounds good when I'm making it, then the next day I listen and it sounds like crap. Yeah drums are the only thing I play. The rest I just slowly record off keyboard. That's the true test though, If you come back to a song after a few days and still like it, then it must be good. thanks for listening and for the comments, I'll use those.
 
I made a new version of this song, with different lyrics, and some harmony parts thrown in. I think it sounds good, but tomorrow may be a different story. It's still a work in progress, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
 
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