Please give me another chance!

lifelyrics

lifelyrics

Training wheels on
OK, so, this time I'm posting in the clinic, and I am welcoming your comments, feedback, disapproval on whatever strikes you! I re-recorded the vocals after considering the feedback I got here, and from some of my friends.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7864463

p.s. I thought I was just going to learn about how to use my equipment, and mix, etc., but what I have recently realized is that I need to learn how to "perform" my songs in this process. I don't consider myself to be a performer, so this is a challenge for me. I really want to improve in every way I can, so, please take a few minutes to pass along your wisdom, expertise, etc.
 
Hi Lifelyric

recording wise its good, the balance is fine, possibly take the piano up a touch when the vocals drop out.(you could do this automatically with the right compression on the mix.
Are you doing both vocals?
I ask because one sounds much more comfortable with the higher notes.

Performance wise, its in tune, the harmonies well sung.

There is something very revealing about the act of singing and I think it helps to 'get in to character' ie want do you want the listener to interpret as to the emotional make up of the singer, (confidence?/yearning?/love struck?/stoned? etc) Although it seems to be clearly a devotional song, there are still many different ways to do this ie sombre or carefree, awe struck or child/parent? Once you have decided, the vocal intonnation will follow.

waffle over:)

regards

sculpt
 
Thank you for that, Airsculptor.

Anyone else care to elaborate on the mood/intonnation that's coming across?

I was hoping for thankful, possibly joyful, but I'm not sure that's what I'm portraying. Do I sound sombre? I'm really, very new to even being able to put myself out there in singing. It wasn't very long ago that I couldn't even sing in front of my closest friends without trembling terribly, with sweaty palms, etc. Now, I'm trying to learn how to express all these songs, that have been written from my heart, and I have a lot to learn!!
 
Sorry if I was unclear, I certainly dont think you sound sombre, I was just pointing out a few of the myriad moods you could exude.
yes it did sound thankful/joyful, but I suppose what I was saying is if you are gonna do that one, really go for it.
your right in that I guess it as a lot to do with confidence and that will grow the more you sing.

good luck

sculpt:)
 
I'd love to hear this tune played with a laid-back bluegrass gospel group in 4/4..like something from O Brother Where Art Thou?

The 3/4 is stiff...maybe a little swing to the pulse? And more laid-back piano...not sound-wise..but less busy: it steals thunder from the vocals....which I want to say should be a lot louder!

And just keep recording stuff...never stop. You'll know everything you need to know about performance and mechanics in a few years, and have developed you unique art. Congratulations on getting this one done, and re-done. Carry on, sis.
 
Thank you so much for that! If there is such a band out there, that's interested, I'd love to hear what that would sound like!

I don't have much of an ear for arrangements. I have a friend in Oregon who has heard most of my songs, and he has "heard" them with all kinds of cool arrangements in his head! He would make them more "rock" sounding, but, somehow, I'm with you about the "Old Brother Where Art Thou" sound. I think it's really odd that I was born and raised in California, and most of my gospel songs truly sound "southern."

I may diversify at some point, but for now, I'm stuck with my own vocals and harmonies, and my mediocre piano playing. I would love to incorporate more "swing", and even jazz into my playing, but I haven't gotten there yet!
 
Well, here's something to try...see if you like the result.
Your piano playing is thoroughly adequate for the songs you write. But you habitually keep time...3/4 or 4/4 [I listened to other songs at your site...happy anniversary, BTW] by playing notes in the chord one note in the chord [arpeggios] for every beat, most of the time.
Try reversing the abundance of struck notes for what is called "block chording": that is, play the full chord on beat #1...and just let it sit there...ringing out for the whole three or four beats. Hit the next #1 in the next measure....let it ring. Your vocal melodies will weave with the sustained notes in the piano in a way that may please your ear a lot. Add some filligree...but sparingly. I think the technique will cause your voice and playing to compliment each other. As you play in your recordings....the piano takes attention from the voice.....where it should be in a supportive, relaxed mode.

Your voice has very nice qualities. Intonation will come the more you work with what you have. And recording is a great way to tighten up pitch!

You have a gift. Hone it! I hear great possibilities...nuthin' but dedicated work!
 
I was going to write yesterday, that near the end of your song your voice is relaxed and I could see you smile as you sang, sounds odd doesn't it? The feelings become audible. So, have confidence with your singing and people can hear that through your voice. Your singing is good so don't worry about that.

I sometimes have a terrible habit of judging/criticising the notes I had just sang at the very same moment as starting to sing the next line. I am greatly disadvantaged by doing that. It's like second guessing your high jump just as you kick off. I wonder if you did that once during the song. Either that or the cat walked by spilling milk on the table earning a scorn moment, but which was caught on tape. Saying that, one has to be sealed off in a room without interruption to record.

The good thing I am doing is experimenting some high notes and sort of airy sounds that I once thought were off-limits. It's like a World has opened up to me.

So, get to it. Be assured that you have the voice, practice, and record well.
 
I like the song but, the vocals don't grab me. It almost reminds me of Audrey Williams singing with Hank. But not that bad, I was just referring to the style. Nothing anyone could ever sing could be as bad as Audre Williams, well maybe except for Yoko Ono.
 
Thanks, guys. I appreciate each of your feedback.

Jeff, I do have several other songs I hope to eventually record, and I think I might do more block chording in some of them, but I'm going to experiment with what you said. Sometimes I do it when I play for my church, just so I can hear what's going on with the singing and harmonies, so I understand what you mean.

Nzausrec, I like your new picture! I was on a few threads recently, and found myself trying to figure out exactly what your last picture was! I almost wrote to you, to ask you! Speaking of strange or interesting pictures, have you guys noticed VSpaceBoy's blinking eye? That really got my attention, when I finally noticed it was blinking!

Dodgeaspen, thank you for the complement about my song. I always used to say (before I started trying to catalog my songs by doing my own recordings), "I'd really like to just write songs, and have other people perform/arrange (with instruments other than just piano) them!
p.s. I googled Audrey Williams, and began to wonder when I heard the beginning of a couple of songs, and then went back and read what you wrote "not that bad... just referring to the style." ok, so, I think you mean I sound like a "southern country girl". Yep, not sure how that happened. I hardly ever even listen to country music, but my Grandma was born in Oklahoma!
 
Nzausrec, I like your new picture! I was on a few threads recently, and found myself trying to figure out exactly what your last picture was! I almost wrote to you, to ask you!
Click to expand...
Haha.
I made some puppets for kids' English foreign language ed. and that's what they were - puppets, with removable lips and eyes so can give each puppet a new expression.
 
In concord with some others the piano needs to be minimized - just chordds with no arpeggios with bass note runs across the no vocal spaces would do.
<y mind removed the piano & placed banjo, with ssome acoutic guitar behind.
I could hear the "relax" too!
Perhaps - if your recording prog allows it - recording a few more takes until you get REALLY into it.
Harmonies seemed OK - you should experiment with those.
Good work so far!
 
Yeah, what Ray said; experiment more with the harmonies. I wonder how well this song would work sung a capella and three part harmonies.
 
This is about as far from my comfort zone as you can get, so I don't feel qualified to give any feedback. The mix sounds okay to me, although the vocals, at times, sound kind of timid. Like you're not pushing enough air. I know not everything needs to be belted out, but it sometimes sounds like more throat singing than singing from the gut.
 
Thanks to all of you for your ears, and your observations. I'm taking it all in, and I know it will shape my future recordings as I plug away at getting my songs out there. The next one up is about a couple of my long distance friends (hopefully ready in a couple of days).

Greg, I totally understand about the "comfort zone" thing, but I really appreciate that you listened anyway, and offered another way for me to wrap my head around what needs to be worked on in my singing/performance!

I plan on experimenting a bit with recording other instruments instead of just piano for some of my songs. My 19 year old daughter plays bass guitar, and my 17 year old son plays drums, guitar, bass, and dabbles with whatever instruments he can get his hands on.

Speaking of my son, if any of you are cruising by this post, maybe you can direct me: I'd like to get advice about how to help him get started at playing local coffee shops, restaurants, etc. Where should I post a thread like that?
 
Have your son, first, get together a bunch of songs he can play and sing. Product.

Then check your area for 'open mic' events.....he can go there, sign up, and play a few to get used to audience, and controlling nerves. Lots of free advice form others who actually put their music to work, who are also going to be there.

Do the rounds of local downtown venues. Market research. See who's playing what, where, how. Compare what is out there making money to what son has put together. Work and hone. Get a little PA gear to make a presentation heard.

Then, the really really hard part: walk in the door , and sell himself. If he has a bunch of friends, and can pull them into a bistro or coffehouse for a couple hours, kewel. The idea is to earn money by getting people in the door...and keeping the ones who happen to be there, there. If you can pull a crowd...you can name your price....and be back next week.

Along the way, network, network, network.

product/market research/sell it/networking. Grow along the way. Work begets more work. And practice hard. Prepare.

I started playing in bands when I was 13. I was content to let someone else run the business. It was only five years ago that I went solo. I went through the same building process I advise. Fresh in my mind. Three years full time, now...supporting myself with my music...responsible only to myself. A nice back up skill, too, in an uncertain economy....if junior maintains a day gig!
Just do it!
 
this is nice. it kind of sounds mono to me...like it's one performance mic'ed at a distance...then again, i don't know if it needs to be all crazy panned or anything, but i think i'd like to hear it a little fuller or something. if you could stereo mic the piano i think you'd get a fatter sound, then you could just run the vocals up near the middle. that might help.

i think this song is making me feel guilty for not going to church for the past 15 years.
 
I know, I was listening to it yesterday, and thinking, "oh, this is gonna have to be done again!":o

When I first started posting my songs here, Chili recommended spending some time in the mp3 clinic. I'm amazed at how much I've learned from listening to other people's stuff, reading the feedback (and being a part of the feedback), and then going back and hearing how all of that affects new versions of the same songs! It is sharpening my ears to notice and hear things I never would have before - and that all translates back to "hearing" my own stuff better, the more I learn!

Your comment about going to church made me laugh! That was certainly not my intent. I really appreciate people on this forum who are providing feedback for my gospel song (I'd say at least 75% of the songs I've written so far are gospel - so there will be several more in the future), even though they don't ascribe to the lyrics. This is a great place to learn.
 
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