Please could you listen to this odd song

F

fabkebab1

New member
Hi there guys -

I was hoping that some of you might be able to give me some songwriting feedback on a little ditty I wrote.

Of the many attempts at songwriting I have made, its one song that I keep returning to, even though its much more silly than my normal high-brow whinings about the world...

http://artists.mp3s.com/artist_song/2655/2655559.html

I rather like its fun-value, although I am not sure if it might be worth recording to a higher level (you will see that the quality of the recording is not that good...)
 
I can see that I might have to review it myself- The trouble is that I am not a nuetral party - sometimes I am a bit too self critical...
 
I listened.


I'd rerecord this just for the sake of learning. Your song isn't terrible, but I don't quite know what you were going for with this tune. Personally, the silliness in the middle is too much (and I write children's music :D) Maybe you're just looking for something to play for your buddies, then a-okay.

Good Luck
Chris
 
Hi there Chris:

First of all thanks for your time (and candour!!)

Just to clarify, my intention was to create a sort of irritating hit along the lines of the chicken song or "shaddupaya face". It was my intention to be catchy/irritating/fun- At least I have the irritating part figured out!

Thanks again for responding to my whiny post...

Any other people want to weigh in? ...
 
I liked it...the silliness in the middle sits nicely with the whole vibe...not a big fan of scat but I know it takes a bit of practice. The only thing I didnt like was the production.

it was worth d/ling
 
Hi there Fat_Satchel-

Thanks for the review; My "scat" section was intentionally different too - At the time I was listening to the seminal(?!?) west country band "The Wurzels", and I was trying to imagine how Scat might sound when sung by one of them...

Thanks again, I see you have posted something so I will reply!
 
This really should be in the MP3 Mixing Clinic, but I'll have a listen for you, just gimme a sec.
 
Aight:

Everything is recorded too low for a start.

Post the lyrics up so we can comment on that.

The syncronized vocals work well. The instrumental doesn't have much to it, you might wanna explore that area more.

I'm not too keen on the wierd bit in the vocals towrds the end.

As I said though this should really be in the mixing clinic, this forum is more for the actual writing.

The song isn't that bad though, don't get me wrong.
 
Hi there Abyss -

Thanks for the listen and comments. I will look on the mp3 mix area for requests for future song reviews. But..

Here are the lyrics to this song:

I've been giving you gifts, each one sent with a letter
I've been trying to do right but its been getting no better
I think that fortune might smile if you lay down and let her

Chorus:
But you say I'm a fool, and you think that you're cool
We're just dragging our heels, and my love's in you lap can't you see?
If you won't take your chance then give it to me!

I've been talking to your friends but they tell me to forget it,
they say they know you to well and that I'll never "get it"
But if you let me go by then someday we'll regret it

(Chorus)

(Controversial Scat section)

I know that time's running out, our situation is dire
You know I dont have much left to keep on feeding this fire
It seems we're bumping the ground when we could go so much higher

Chorus
 
fabkebab1 said:
Hi there Abyss -

Thanks for the listen and comments. I will look on the mp3 mix area for requests for future song reviews. But..

Here are the lyrics to this song:

I've been giving you gifts, each one sent with a letter
I've been trying to do right but its been getting no better
I think that fortune might smile if you lay down and let her

Chorus:
But you say I'm a fool, and you think that you're cool
We're just dragging our heels, and my love's in you lap can't you see?
If you won't take your chance then give it to me!

I've been talking to your friends but they tell me to forget it,
they say they know you to well and that I'll never "get it"
But if you let me go by then someday we'll regret it

(Chorus)

(Controversial Scat section)

I know that time's running out, our situation is dire
You know I dont have much left to keep on feeding this fire
It seems we're bumping the ground when we could go so much higher

Chorus
Click to expand...

There doesn't seem to be much wrong with those lyrics, some of the rhymes are a bit predictable but they're not bad.
 
I don't think that the song itself is silly, but the recording is. And yes, you definitely succeeded in making it irritating, and if you're looking for a hit you might has to transposes yourself back to the seventies.

That said, I think the song is good, and you should try to record it with a straight face next time. There is really not enough serious funny music in the world right now.
 
Strtj - Hilarious comments. but what do you mean by serious funny music? Is this not a contraciction in terms?

I wish I had the opportunity to re-mix it; I just have to find the master tape again!
 
Sorry, I was having a frustrating day and felt like being flippant.

What do I mean by 'serious funny'? Well, I love humorous music. People generally think that comedy or funny music needs to contain strange voices and cheesy sounds, but that it not the case. Music can be funny in an ironic, sarcastic or subtle way. You don't need to put on a funny voice and shout 'This is a funny song' at the top of your voice. Funny music is much better when it's done subtly, as is all comedy.

Sorry, I'm having a drunken day and I am feeling incoherent.
 
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