There is an awkward transition around 0:09, when the other set of guitars comes in. Stick with one of the two sets, no need to cut the first ones out...that just sounds funny.
The lead vocal is very, very loud and doesn't blend in with the music well at all. It has a different reverb that is more prominent than any other instrument, which contributes to making it sound out of place. Having the vocal mimic the guitar riff on "make our dreams come true" is kind of...cliche, I guess. I would avoid that. But hey, that's me.
Great playing on the guitar solo, though having it C would be better for the mix.
The dynamics are lost on "come", which is the first bar of the chorus. It's probably due to the loudness of the lead vocal, and it completely drowns the music out.
Not a bad attempt.