Opinions on a song of mine

R

Rock Star 87

New member
I wrote this song some time ago, and I'm not sure if it's still worth recording. Any opinions on the song (music and/or lyrics) are greatly appreciated, and all feedback is accepted. Thanks a bunch.

Speedy Speed Girl
Verse 1 (Dustin)
When I saw you come around, I was breathless
When you smiled, I was defenseless
What a beautiful creature that just walked by
My knees gave out, I was ready to fly
What should I do, introduce myself
Told her my name, told her how I felt
She just laughed and said take my hand
Follow me, I'll show you who I am

Chorus (Kristine)
I am tomorrow’s rainbow, I am who you wanna know
Whenever you’re feeling down, I will make you feel at home
I will take you to heaven, baby we are on the brink
I will show you ecstasy, you won’t ever have to think
Wherever you are, even when this life’s unfair
Worry not I will be there, You will have nothing to fear
Let me be your speedy speed girl
(screams) Come on now!

Verse 2 (Dustin)
Now I'm flying along on top of the clouds
Overwhelmed by the love that I found
Walking through a city of music and lights
Forever I will cherish Tokyo nights
I feel something in my heart so pure and true
I feel there's no limit to the things I can do
As we’re kissing, she nodded her head
Looked in my eyes, smiled and said

Chorus (Kristine)

Verse 3 (Dustin)
As we walked, my heart was still in the sky
Just being with me, she made me feel high
But this moment I knew, could not stay
It was time for her to go away
But I know I will never forget
Her face, her eyes, her smile when we met
I often wonder if I will see her again
Another time, another place, another world, another bend

Chorus (Kristine)

Speedy Speed Girl (Music)
 
I'm getting an error when I try to stream this to WMP. Any chance you can make this downloadable to non-members? Or put it on another site?
I'll post comments once I get to hear this.....

:) :D :) :D
 
Impossible to give any meaningful feedback when you havent recorded any vocals. Also the comp is very "casio". What have you used for recording?
If you have the gear for it, try to record some vocals and repost.
As it stands now its a "Casio" comp. Not even that.
 
I will use another synth, and I had posted it before. I know the music's needs a little work, but what about the lyrics? Are they too corny, or do you think the lyrics actually make a nice song?
 
Rock Star 87 said:
I will use another synth, and I had posted it before. I know the music's needs a little work, but what about the lyrics? Are they too corny, or do you think the lyrics actually make a nice song?
Click to expand...
I like the lyrics probably because I am partial to these types of (love) songs :D . They are well written overall and flow nicely - except - I'm not sure about the title (also used in the chorus).....Let me be your speedy speed girl...it's cool and all... it just sounds different and doesn't seem to relate to the story. Can you fill us in on the meaning behind that title - maybe that would help me understand it better...maybe I'm just missing something... :D
 
Rock Star 87 said:
...and all feedback is accepted. Thanks a bunch.
Click to expand...
Well you got the asian feeling nailed pretty well. I just listened once more. The lyrics aint bad either. But the theme from (i guess it is) the chorus you better check out as it is an exact ripoff. Or is that intended? The g-a-c-d-d-c-e?
 
Anime love songs are usually very western musically with a few SEA touches & the oddly theme lyrics sung to a very western melody.
you certainly have the lyrical bent for obscurioso anime.
I can't make head nor tail of the music. Is the lead line the melody? If it is you should probably use the same voice throughout.
I can't find a match between lyric & music unless you do that OR break the syllables up so they scan with the music.
 
I actually do break the syllables up to match the music. As long as I think it's worth recording, I'll definitely post the result.
 
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