New song for all the lonely people

S

Shana

New member
Hey everyone, I just posted a new song and of course as i listen to it i sink further and further into despair because it doenst sound like i want it to,,

I think its too fast, It needs guitar desperately but I just cant manage to record anything half decent with my br8- Feel free to cringe at the CRINGE-worthy guitar solo- i cant play for shit and i know it, but thats how i would have wanted it to be- if anyone wants to rerecord it, lemme know, id be thrilled.

I'm using a Marshall condensor my cousin gave me. First time using one. Can u tell? I can;t tell if the vocals are too loud or too low- of course since I don't know how to work my compressor the vocal volume changed sparadically throughout the song,

Um,,when i sing "safe and sound" i can swear im off tune, of course that not the only place, Ok Ill let you be the ones to judge.
Thanx
Shana


WWW.JAVAMUSIC.COM/SHANA

SONG #5 "Better off this way"

Login-Lady
Password-watermelon
 
Shana,

shame on you, you said the "S' word....

once again, I love the vocal arrangent...definitely your strong point....may be my imagination, but this song has a stronger vocal sound (maybe the Marshall helped?).....

once again its a good song...well written and arranged.....

i think the only thing lacking in your songs is the lack of "real" instruments like guitar, real bass, real drums....what you have done sounds good, but backed with real instruments it would be awesome......

good job.....
 
You've got a good one here..

Hi Shana,

I just downloaded and listened to "Better Off This Way". Did you write it? I think it's a great song. I wish I could write like that.

I would like to have heard it at a slower tempo, though. The tempo it's at now seems a bit rushed and never really gets "into the pocket", if you know what I mean. It doesn't feel like anything is "laying it down" for you to sing with. And it makes you rush when you run with your voice.

Which brings up the subject of your voice .... it sounds real nice. More reason to slow the tempo down and not have to rush the prhrases.

Anyhow, just my uneducated, unpolished, and humble opinion. And the guitar ain't that bad. ;)

Lee
http://mp3.com/leemuller
 
I didn't care for this song too much. I found it reminded me of elevator music or "Easy Listening" (I don't like Easy Listening).
The keyboard sound was very dated, you might want to try some different sounds, possibly strings.

On the upside, you again did a great vocal performance and definitely have some talent there.

PS. Who are your influences?
 
Hey guys,
Thanx for listening, I decided my next song wil be about the nice people who live here in the bbs. Gidge , you get an entire paragraph man even though you dissed my crappy keyboard sounds. (totally kidding there)


Lee, I did write the lyrics. I didnt plan to write a song. A new microphone inspired me to arrange a nice tune that i could sing.The tune then created a certain mood . Once I have a mood the words kinda wrote themselves. Sometimes I wonder myself where they come from. I also thought it ssould be slower. It's a little rushed but the people in my house wouldnt notice if i was rapping in spanish, so noone pointed it out.

Royston-Granted it wasnt your style , I appreciate your comments. I agree the vocals are better this time around . As far as influences- I would say, a bit of sheryl crow,although i cant play guitar well enough to write songs like she does, some dixie chics, fleetwood mac and some jewish singers I grew up listening to . Jewish music is alot of minor and 7 chords. (Depressing people we are, huh?)

Thanx again everyone..
More to come.
Shana
 
By the way Lee,, I checked out your music and its really nice. Youre a great guitarist. I wish I could play like you..
I lived in Waikiki for a year 2 yrs ago. Best place on earth man.
Shana
 
Hey, even with not real (crappy) instruments your songs sound wonderful....hey, lots of commercial stuff uses crappy instruments, so thats not necessarily a bad thing...I just would like to hear your voice matched against edgier instrumentation...

Keep up the good work...
 
first time I am hearing your stuff, and I must say that I really like it.

THe vocals were great. THat mic is awesome whatever model it is.

I think the vocals could have more accents, more determination, more range. More hardness.

Did you use the same reverb on the lead vocal as the instruments? I think that the instruments could benefit from that reverb.

What soundcard and preamp are u using?

Great job.
keep it up
 
Nice song, Shana. You again demonstrate a beautiful natural voice and fine melodic instincts.

Your voice sounds a little like Lucy Kaplansky on this one (check her out if you don't know her -- you may also know her from the one-album group "Cry Cry Cry"). I think what you're referring to as flat is more a little tension and lack of sustain on the high notes. This is definitely something you can learn; I think a little (more) vocal training would be worth it for you.

I think it's a little over-produced rather than being too fast. I would simplify it, maybe also lose one of the key changes.

Yes, the guitar is a problem. The notes are okay but the tone isn't there. The reverb is wrong too. You know how George Harrison asked Eric Clapton to play the lead on "While My Guitar Gently Weeps?" Same idea.
 
Hey Shana

This is much better than the first take, you have learnt to relax I can hear. Well done! You never responded to my email...
 
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