filling out the recording
alright.
listened to the songs and I think I can understand why denguitar was so dismissive before. The rhythm of your singing feels disjunct and unnatural and the lyrics aren't terribly unique. I wouldn't go so far as to say these songs aren't worthy of recording but I'm willing to say you need to sound more natural and confident with your singing. Are the lyrics and ideas vague and a tad abused? Yep. Do I think they could work if you had kick ass arrangements around them? Definitely.
First, Child's Mind.
There's a great track by fellow homereccer Chris Harris available
here called December that follows a kind of the same reflective child memories that has that confident voice I was talking about. He also goes into the small details of childhood that make a song lyrically memorable. That, plus he devised a great metaphor for the calendar of life that evoked in me a strong sense of nostalgia. I would recommend listening to it if only to give you an idea of what I think is a great song about a similar topic.
As far as arrangement, I don't think you need to go the overly morose path that Charris took. In fact, I hear more of a Ryan Adams style rhythm. The thing missing is that expressive controlled vocal delivery. If you're handy with midi, I would play around with some dark deeper strings in the background.
With that said, what would help this song the most in my mind would be a better control of momentum. If you've got in your head, great. It's not prevalent in the demo but you can fix it in the real version. Build up instruments in the verses, add new sounds to the chorus, and establish a musical hook that emulates the vocal hook you've got. I bet you've got a telecaster somewhere, make use of some electric.
Now, Indiscretion.
same thing with the vocals. I think you're doubling the vocals on the chorus. If you are, do it more. If you're not, do it!
Back in the old motown days, Phil Spector was known to bang on a metal garbage can lid in time with
the back beat so the white kids would know how to dance. Steely Dan did it too on Josie. Point of the story is sometimes you need to beat your audience over the head with the hook and the transitions. This song just kind of flows like a stream of consciousness without letting the listener know when the chorus comes. Double the vocals, add some musical separators to give your song some structure and give the audience bites it can swallow.
Now, as far as denguitar of 4 posts is concerned, I have to say he sounds like a Taxi confederate hanging around the forum to spam for mr. Blume's book. I went to their road rally and I heard the man speak. He had some good ideas but sounded remarkably like a snake oil peddler. Nothing you can learn in those pages you won't learn by living life, listening to good music/well written songs and incorporating them into your own writing habits. Maybe I'm wrong.
Good luck with the recordings and post em in the mp3 forum after they're cut!
Miles
