I truly hope I can say this without causing any emotional damage.
I think the recording was basically good .. drums prominent, bass well balanced according to my ears .. vocals nice and steady .. guitar a tad bit in the background for my taste. Problem is, the song itself didn't hold my interest.
If I where listening to it on the radio, I would have flipped to something else ..
If you are mainly gonna shop this song .. then I'd add some backup vocals during what I think was the chorus for more dynamics. Maybe even a short but sweet little guitar solo during that last section before the ending chorus.
I think your voice is good ... definantly sellable .. you obviously have a strong voice so why are you afraid to use it?
But that's just my opinion ...