I'm a punk who's written a pop song.
- Thread starter Bubba po
- Start date
Bubba po
Tiny Stonehenge Moment
I'll get back to you ... damn work browser doesn't support Soundcloud any more... about time you recorded something!
Corner....
I hope you like it, as I said earlier, it's more or less a sketch for now. Riddled with faults but I'm fairly pleased with it considering it's the first thing I've recorded in absolutely ages.
Armistice
Son of Yoda
Man you've got to bring that vocal up... like everyone's said... and I think there's some harmonies in there as well in the chorus that'll make it soar along nicely... if we can hear them.
Nice start though...
Couple of arrangement suggestions for when you do it properly - mere suggestions to think about -1. bit more work on the back end of that guitar solo and it could be excellent - there's just a little bit there not quite at the end that's a bit not quite so brilliant... 2. after the solo, hit the mute buttons on everything except the drums and the voice for the first two lines then unmute it all for the second half at "These are the days..." and have it all come roaring in again. 3. I'd sort of want not a fade out ending but a dead stop, with another vocal over the top higher (get someone to give your bollocks a squeeze if necessary...) for a super big finish. But then, I hate fade outs...
And when you're using real guitar/cab/mic I'm sure the following guitar lines will lose that slight tendency to Bostonness that the leady bits are having... and have a bit more edge.
I'll look forward to the next iteration... last thing I heard from you was that Another Girl Another Planet cover I think... (that was you, wasn't it?)
Nice start though...
Couple of arrangement suggestions for when you do it properly - mere suggestions to think about -1. bit more work on the back end of that guitar solo and it could be excellent - there's just a little bit there not quite at the end that's a bit not quite so brilliant... 2. after the solo, hit the mute buttons on everything except the drums and the voice for the first two lines then unmute it all for the second half at "These are the days..." and have it all come roaring in again. 3. I'd sort of want not a fade out ending but a dead stop, with another vocal over the top higher (get someone to give your bollocks a squeeze if necessary...) for a super big finish. But then, I hate fade outs...
And when you're using real guitar/cab/mic I'm sure the following guitar lines will lose that slight tendency to Bostonness that the leady bits are having... and have a bit more edge.
I'll look forward to the next iteration... last thing I heard from you was that Another Girl Another Planet cover I think... (that was you, wasn't it?)
Bubba po
Tiny Stonehenge Moment
Very good and thoughtful comments there, Armistice. I think the vocal thing is typical of somebody (me) who's not totally confident of their voice. I'll re-listen to the guitar solo, I must admit I thought it was ok, but there's nothing like another experienced guitarist to point out any flaws.Man you've got to bring that vocal up... like everyone's said... and I think there's some harmonies in there as well in the chorus that'll make it soar along nicely... if we can hear them.
Nice start though...
Couple of arrangement suggestions for when you do it properly - mere suggestions to think about -1. bit more work on the back end of that guitar solo and it could be excellent - there's just a little bit there not quite at the end that's a bit not quite so brilliant... 2. after the solo, hit the mute buttons on everything except the drums and the voice for the first two lines then unmute it all for the second half at "These are the days..." and have it all come roaring in again. 3. I'd sort of want not a fade out ending but a dead stop, with another vocal over the top higher (get someone to give your bollocks a squeeze if necessary...) for a super big finish. But then, I hate fade outs...
And when you're using real guitar/cab/mic I'm sure the following guitar lines will lose that slight tendency to Bostonness that the leady bits are having... and have a bit more edge.
I'll look forward to the next iteration... last thing I heard from you was that Another Girl Another Planet cover I think... (that was you, wasn't it?)
I think the solo needs a slight lead in and lead out to link up with the vocals, if only a pick-and-swoop down on the 6th string to start it.I'm quite gratified that most of you who've commented seem to think it's worth pursuing. When I wrote it to play with one of my old bands, we dabbled with it then unaccountably ditched it, which left me feeling a bit knocked down confidence-wise.
I agree with your comment about the bridge part. The whole song needs an arrangement where real drums will provide a lot of the dynamics and a bit of drama, rather than the boom-tit, boom-boom-tit of the drum machine.
I'm feeling very encouraged, thanks.
Armistice
Son of Yoda
Don't get me wrong bubba... I think it's a really good short solo as it is, I just can hear one spot where a couple of extra notes would turn it into excellent... opinions.... everyone has one!
dobro
Well-known member
The song is called "Lifeline (Yellow Allegro Man)", and is one of my few attempts to write and record something tuneful.
Caution - may be slightly cheesy; in case you were wondering, the "Yellow Allegro" refers to a crappy British-built car that was ubiquitous in the late 1970s in England. A low-rent dungheap of a car.
The song was recorded on a small Boss BR-800 free-standing digital multitracker, using the onboard rhythm box and stock guitar sims. I intend to record it again with a real drummer,
Comments good or bad, please.
https://soundcloud.com/bubba_po/lifeline-demo
I can't make out the vocals, even with the help of 'yellow allegro man' nominations. I'd like to be able to make them out. I like how this one sounds, so I'd like to be able to hear the vocals better.
Bubba po
Tiny Stonehenge Moment
Thanks, Dobro. I can't wait to get home to remix this with some of the suggestions made. This literally was as rough as buggery!
I only just had enough time to get it roughly mastered, wave converted, trimmed, MP3 converted and uploaded to Soundcloud 15 minutes before the taxi arrived to take us to the airport. I think it's worth remixing this before doing the new recording.
dobro
Well-known member
Thanks, Dobro. I can't wait to get home to remix this with some of the suggestions made. This literally was as rough as buggery!
It *is* pop. Lightning Seeds coulda done this. Lightning Seeds is/are really good. But his vocal would have been more out there. Lyrics hearable. No shame in being proud of low lyrics if they work.
NotThatBright
New member
Ok, this is only a remix. I think it's loads better, but I've inadvertently chopped the tail off in the .wav trimming program! Bollocks!
I went back and forth between your new and old mix and I can't tell a difference. I'm on my laptop without speakers, so I assume I'm missing something. What changes did you make?
Also... you must have a British accent, right? Are you suppressing it when you sing? I would guess you were a yankee if I didn't know better!
Of course, I don't know many Americans who'd use the phrase "rough as buggery..."
Bubba po
Tiny Stonehenge Moment
I went back and forth between your new and old mix and I can't tell a difference. I'm on my laptop without speakers, so I assume I'm missing something. What changes did you make?
Also... you must have a British accent, right? Are you suppressing it when you sing? I would guess you were a yankee if I didn't know better!
Of course, I don't know many Americans who'd use the phrase "rough as buggery..."
I have a Yorkshire accent, as it happens, so there is deffo a lot of suppressing going on!
Differences new/old: Vocal louder with slightly less reverb, brightened in the 4k range; backing vocal louder and panned further away from the centre; bass guitar thinned at 100Hz; finally, the following lead guitar line is significantly quieter in the verses, where it was competing with the vocal. I think it all adds up to a cleaner result.
Bubba po
Tiny Stonehenge Moment
I'll bear that in mind.
I recently had an operation on my abdomen, and daft as it sounds, it was painful to sing with any oomph. That means that the vocal line quavers a bit to my ears and I was embarrassed about that more than the lyrics, which are meant to be poppy as you point out. Lightning Seeds are a great example, actually, I'm happy to be compared to them with this song. NotThatBright
New member
I have a Yorkshire accent, as it happens, so there is deffo a lot of suppressing going on!
Differences new/old: Vocal louder with slightly less reverb, brightened in the 4k range; backing vocal louder and panned further away from the centre; bass guitar thinned at 100Hz; finally, the following lead guitar line is significantly quieter in the verses, where it was competing with the vocal. I think it all adds up to a cleaner result.
Agreed on the cleaner result. My headphones cleared it up for me.
I just was wrestling with the choice of where to pan a background vocal, myself. I only recently learned that it makes a difference in the sound, and now I spend too much time on it...
dobro
Well-known member
I'll bear that in mind.
But I'm not talking about the singing of it. I'm talking about the mix. The vocal in particular. Make it stand out more. It can take it.
NotThatBright
New member
I know, we're talking about the same thing. Forgive my American English if it was unclear
It's a good song. This would have been a good one for your band to push back in the days when you could earn a living as a musician. It'd get radio play.
Bubba po
Tiny Stonehenge Moment
I know, we're talking about the same thing. Forgive my American English if it was unclear
It's a good song. This would have been a good one for your band to push back in the days when you could earn a living as a musician. It'd get radio play.
Looks like you got me and dobro muddled there.
---------- Update ----------
Louder still?
I wouldn't want to do that without maybe compressing it a little, or re-recording it when I'm fitter. I've just been given a replacement soundcard which will hopefully make my DAW work a bit better.
Ok, this is only a remix. I think it's loads better, but I've inadvertently chopped the tail off in the .wav trimming program! Bollocks!
Yes that's way better. Much much better. I can hear everything much more clearly. It'll be even better when you get some real drums and stuff in there.