If I Had a Pair of You - JJ

J

joejohnstun

New member
High! My second HomeRecording song.

This one is a bona fide demo with not a shred of pretentions toward being an actual song yet. This song kept me awake the other night, so I wrote it down and still liked it the next morning. I slapped together one guitar, one vocal, and a few claps so I could show you its bare bones.

I wanted to get some feedback on those bones (structure, lyrics, melody, length, gimmicks) before it fully settled onto my DAW.

Also, if you have any ideas about things you think would sound nice in the final product, I would be much obliged.

Thank you!


https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/if-i-had-a-pair-of-you



If I Had a Pair of You

If I had a pair of you I wouldn't know which one to choose
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough
So I'd buy you both mismatching shoes and I'd take you on a swinger's cruise
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you

They said one of you's enough and three's a crowd and two's too much
But I'm unlucky and one and two and love
So I'll double my chances to sweep you off
And I can never ever get.. get enough of you

If I had two of you the same
I'd give you both silly nicknames, call one of you Mary, the other one Jane
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough
I'd roll you up in pretty paper I'd smoke one now and save one for later
I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you

If I had a pair of you I wouldn't know which one to choose
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough
And if you two made my wish come true, I'd only wish for one more you
Cuz I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough and
I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you

She said one of me's enough and three's a crowd and two's too much
But I'm unlucky in lust and too and love
So I'll double my chances to sweep you off
And I can never ever get.. get enough of you

If I had a pair of you I'd let you both have other me's too

Because I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough and
I can't get enough of you, I can't get enough of you
 
I think the production is well done. I wish that it picked up with some bass and drums though. Your singing to me sounds a bit robotic? I'm not sure how to explain it. As far as content, I first thought that this was about sleeping with twins. But I think it's about weed? Either way, I like that it keeps me guessing.
 
Also think this song could use some bass. The vocals are super dry and up front. Bring down the volume and add some reverb or delay.
 
I really appreciate the dry vocals.. very clean!!! I totally agree on the bass though.. it would just glue this track even more and give it some needed energy. I like it a lot!!!
 
Yea, everyone has a point. Some verb (just enough to give it some room, I suggest a sprinkle). Nice little upright bass sound would really fit this tune, but if you can find a synthesizer sound that works with it, might give it just enough bottom to help out. I also agree pull the vocals down some let that guitar carry this tune a bit more. Good playing and a nice sound there, could just improve the song that much more.

Tune is good. I suppose when you are more serious (just going with your statement at the start) this will even be better.
 
Very good song, structurally sound in my opinion. I really enjoyed it. :thumbs up:

You have some good advice above as to another production. As a demo this sounds pretty damn good! It has the ideas there and shows the song is great which is what a demo is for. I would like to hear a banjo in there, I think that would be a nice addition. The making of a Theme Tune to a TV show right there.....
 
omg I'm so sorry, I went to work in the Merida Carnaval for a week- just got back! Exhausted!

EricIndecisive: Ha! A friend of mine said: 'The theme is, "so good, I wish I had 2."' I just like her so I want more her.
Robotic singing? It's true I try to sing exactly how I talk, with very little emotion or trills. I used to be in an emo band, so now I want to go the opposite direction.

J696: Yes, this is just a demo. When I produce it, I will definitely add a bass - probably an acoustic bass cuz that's what seems like would fit.
A touch of reverb to the vocals would help. Thanks!

CoverLovers: Yep, needs bass. Since I don't play bass, I'm waiting till I get into the studio to add all the frills. I plan to add quite a few things like maybe some bongos or strings or who even knows at this point!

DM60: It's true I should bring up the guitar and let it carry the tune a bit more. I also need a drum beat that actually fits the guitar rhythm.

Mr Clean: A banjo??? haha, I don't know about a banjo... :O Maybe - guess it wouldn't hurt to try.


JJ.
 
Nice song though some of the rhymes leave me cold.
It really needs another istrument to balance the acoustic guitar.
The kick drum on the opposite side seems uncertain and unclear. Centering it would help a little as would some EQ.
 
I think an upright could work really nicely. And yeah the dry sound on the vocals definitely works but right now it sounds a bit unnatural. I think a hint of some short room verb would really work nicely.
 
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