I Have a Song Stuck in My Head - JJ

J

joejohnstun

New member
High! This is my seventh HomeRecording song and counting (you can listen to the others here: Fall Fall, Being Single, Cappuccino Monday, Psychosis, If I Had a Pair of You, and When You're Bad)

Back to the manic delirium and pasty whistle-alongs, here is a song that I got stuck in my head. This is a sunrise song that is supposed to cheer you up in the mornings.

I tried to keep the vocal on top in this one, as that seemed to be a common thread of critique in my other tunes. I only hope it's not over-powering. I also tried to keep a playful, live-performance vibe with lots of fun guest instruments and percussions.

What do you think - too repetitive, too delirious, too silly, too sickeningly sweet?

Thank you!


https://soundcloud.com/joejohnstun/i-have-a-song-stuck-in-my-head



I Have a Song Stuck in My Head

Playing in my brain
Skipping in my step
I have a song in my head and it goes like...

I have a tune stuck in my head
I'm working on the words
There are none yet
It's just a jumble of letters in some alphabet
I have a tune in my head and it goes like...

'Wont you come out and play?' said
The tuba to the clarinet
'The notes upon my treble clef are hung and the night is young.'
She said, 'Your low tones make me high. Let's elope to the third bar
'Put your mouth piece on mine
'And sing your song into my mind
'And it goes...'

She has a sparkle in her smile
Blazing a trail
Through the daisies that she's
Picking for the boy in the tune in the song in her head
With a sparkle in her smile

He has a girl stuck in his head
Go Romeo
Sing to silly Juliet
Oh the tune in your head and it goes like...

I have a song stuck in my head
Playing in my brain
Skipping in my step
I have a song in my head and it goes like this.
 
Solo the vocal and use the automation to reduce some of those vicious intakes of breath when you're getting all excited when everything's rolling later on in the song. Just reduce 'em, don't zero them.
 
Well.....not my style but that's not a concern. Listen carefully to your mix. Most of the tracks have the same tonal "feel" to them.......no highs.......no lows.......no depth.......no spacing......too boxy. Your vocal is the best track (although it could use some mid-high to high range EQ for sure) and as pointed out........it's gets just a tad too "breathy"......you know? Now that may sound bad but it's not really. You have all the elements there...............so just go back and bring them to life. Listen to each track and ask yourself what is different from the way it sounds as opposed to how each instrument sounds in real life. You'll get the idea. Little tweaks to start with. Just my 2 cents worth. Thanks for letting me hear it.
 
I really like this. It reminds me of Sufjan Stevens. Maybe it's a bias coming from an Aussie that likes that particular light-hearted, positive American sounding voice. Does that make any sense?

The only things that made me pause for a moment was the muddy instrumentation in the middle bit (you know, tuba to the clarinet) and a few brief moments when I thought the phrasing was awkward (not often, tho). Other than that, made my winter that little bit sunnier. Thank you!
 
This is a good first start, but you would need to tighten up some of the playing. Hey, I'm hearing a lot of "alt" songs with whistling in them, so your relevant :)
 
mickster: THANKS! that's some great critiquing...i'm terrible at mixing (among many other things). i'll have a deep and very introspective look into the music

oskari: so u thought the tuba and the clarinet synths were muddy? i usually get complaints for way over-EQ-ing practically everything, so this time i'd thought i'd leave them pretty much as they were. i could take some bass out of the tuba, or some treble out of the clarinet, but that's pretty much all they have. i thought they would work and fit in, being that they're already so focused on their narrow end of the sound spectrum...

crazy luke: yes. the drums ARE off beat, especially in the verses. i had the hi-hats and rides and even some snares hit a teeny tiny bit before the beat. the theory was that it would make the song sound more eager and playful, like a puppy. don't know if it worked or just sounded bad and off beat, but it is on purpose. what do you think, should i change that?
at 1:09 where the bridge starts, there's a tempo change, some casual bongos, a behind-the-beat tuba. the idea was, the song is so simple and sweet, i wanted to mix it up with music that was at least a little bit more complex and sour. didn't work?


JJ.
 
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