Helpless in the Sea

K

knownasbeppe

New member
Hello hello!

This is a new track I made for an upcoming project I am working on! I had an idea that I would put two different melodies and seperate lyrics into one song. I naturally came to me that one of them had to be a "main melody" and while the other one still plays an improtant part of the song it's not as of much concerne if you can't hear the lyrics as they serve as a lyrical-surpirse for anyone who reads the lyrics!

Here it is! Hope you enjoy :D
With love

https://soundcloud.com/knownasbeppe/helpless-in-the-sea

Main lyrics:
With tears on her cheeks
And blood on her feet
This vast sea was too deep for me
And I can't swim
With these holes in my hands

Help, help, help
Helpless in the sea

My voice starts to crack
As I see me react
To lifes way of messing about
And I can't stand
With these blades in my bones

Help, help, help
Helpless in the sea

All I feel
Is your stare from the shore
You're watching me
But I am looking overboard

Bakground lyrics:
Looking overboard
And all I see is the sea
Looking back at me

Feeling sick to the bone
And all I hear is the screams
Tearing at the seams

Today I hope you realise
The sea it holds my darkest fears
 
Intriguing composition. Interesting the way the parts just sort of come in out of nowhere and then go. The song could be confusing on first listens (I listened twice) because it isn't always easy to tell when I'm hearing the verse and when the chorus (I guess that's when that descending synth bass line comes in). The fact that the lead vocal is mixed low contributes to the--I'm going to call it vagueness of the composition for lack of a better word. It's also not easy to make out the lyrics without the text in front of me. Is this a problem or not? Not if that's what you're going for. If you wanted more of a straightforward pop structure, I'd say bring up the lead vocal, lower the backing vocals, and try to differentiate the various parts of the song. I'm leaning toward liking it the way you have it.
 
You got a great talent for knowing what effects work where. Awesome stuff. I would like to hear the drums more, just bringing up their levels could do the trick I think.
 
The clean guitar sounds nice. Vocals sound very cool.

The bass is a bit too strong and overpowering.

For me, there are too many clean sounds. There needs to be some warm distort-y goodness somewhere in the mix. Even the bass sounds sterile.
 
This sounds very cool and mellow, but I can't understand a thing you're singing / saying. May just be my monitoring environment but I was never able to discern any of those "background" lyrics, so I wonder how anyone would ever get the surprise? Have to listen real close to even get my ears around the "main" lyrics. Listened closely four times.

I guess the back lyrics serve as a pad to color the theme, but I just can't hear them, even after reading the lead sheet.

Would like to hear more of the drums also. Or just do the thing without drums. I think sometimes with a tune like this you can get away with no drums at all. Probably going to get in trouble for saying that, but I have a couple things where drums just cloud up the delivery of the message.

As a composition, it sounds cool but for me a little hard to listen to as I'm trying to hear everything and just can't.

Good luck with this. Sorry I can't offer more help but I'm still struggling to get a whole thought tracked, let alone mixed and sounding good! You're miles ahead of me there!
 
I really like this. As others have said, it's a complex piece, because it's constantly changing and doesn't follow a "standard" pop structure. But it flows well, and each part is well crafted, and well sung. Some minor comments on the mix... the drums are very mid-range "Casio" sounding - I would at least add some bass to the bass drum sample. The lead vocals get submerged in the background vox at about 0:55. I do like the reverb on the background vocals, though. The acoustic guitar may be too loud at 1:19 and onward.
 
A bass note at about :38 or so sounds a bit off to my ears. I like the concept of the song. I agree that the background vocals are somewhat hard to distinguish. Nice job
 
Agree with ohters - drums are too canned. Background vocals - have you tried panning them full left and right? The chorus effect on them doesn't help when trying to distinguish the words.
 
I commented earlier but forgot to mention, and was reminded this morning, I was supposed to tell you my wife really really likes this tune ALOT!
 
Thanks everybody for the really constructive feedback! I will put these comments to use in a future remix of the song.

I'm glad your wife likes it!! :D :D :D

With love
 
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