"Hair Pullin' Blues"--- What do you think?

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drummerboy_04AP

New member
Hair Pullin' Blues


I learned something today,
everything is black and grey.
and who are you to say,
anything about what I learned today.

Let me tell you,
no, let me show you,
well Ill play it out for you,
ok, I guess it not real.

I forgot something today,
it was in my mind but blew away.
was probably (pretty) important to say,
but I fogot something today.

Let me tell you all I know,
Ill fill you in on this show,
In one quick word,
one quick phrase....

Let me tell you,
no, let me show you,
well Ill play it out for you,
goddam, it aint real.
 
This is an interesting set of lyrics, and could easily fit with the challenge theme of 'emptiness' . . . it would certain;y be a novel twist. Here we have a set of lyrics in which the protoganist has something to say, something that was probably important . . . but the reader (or listener) never gets to hear what it is. I like mysteries, and this is a great mystery.

I'd be interested in hearing the musical treatment planned for it. Well done!
 
Patience...

...is not only a virtue; it is a necessity around here. We have all been in your shoes. We give birth to a new lyrical creation and are bursting with anticipation waiting for feedback. Meanwhile the rest of the world is out there doing their thing trying to get by.

I like and understand the first verse. It has the raw power and emotion necessary to start and set up a song like this one. The third stanza seems out of place to me. I don't see where it fits in the song and feel it could be omitted without changing the feel or the meaning of the somg for me. Perhaps I am missing something in your intent. I get the interplay with Learned something/forgot something. I just don't feel it drives anything home for me. The second stanza with its modified repeat at the end gives me a sense of desperation....and I like that. The fourth stanza adds a touch of mystery making me want to know more....again, that's a good thing. Once it's recorded give us a link so we can hear the transformation into music. good start.;) Dave
 
Hey, thanks for the feedback, fellow yooper. I know... I get antzy, and I shouldnt, but its hard when theres 90 views and one response haha... they should just get rid of that view counter lol.

Im really glad you said what you said about the first verse, seeing as I wrote this after (or maybe while) listening to Husker Du (pretty raw, post-punk band, if youve never heard of them.)

I totally get what youre saying about that third stanza. I think I tend to always have at least one verse or whatever in a song where Ive gotten a little stuck during the writing process, and it just comes out off kilter, ya know? So, I changed it, and I think it gives it makes the message come across a lot clearer.

See, my beginning idea behind this song is kind of a frustration between friends, where youll say something and for whatever reason, they just refuse to believe you/trust you. Then it kinda evolved into focusing more into the matter of just not being able to think of a way to explain it to them, or show them, even when you strongly believe in yourself. Eventually this leads to the last line, where you just give up, saying "fuck it, i guess im wrong", basically.

haha, its kinda funny, the way i just dissected this song, cuz i didnt think of any of this really when writing it. I guess thats my process, write first, story later haha.

Anyways, heres the revised version:

Hair Pullin' Blues


I learned something today,
everything is black and grey.
and who are you to say,
anything about what I learned today.

Let me tell you,
no, let me show you,
well Ill play it out for you,
ok, I guess its not real.

I forgot something today,
everydays a matter of disaray,
so everhthing Im supposed to say
is what I forgot today.

Let me tell you all I know,
Ill tell you all about this show,
In one quick word,
one quick phrase....

Let me tell you,
no, let me show you,
well Ill play it out for you,
goddam, it aint real.



Im interested to hear what anyone has to say (obviously... otherwise I wouldnt be posting here :D)
 
Hi, not posted for awhile but your lyric made me log in and comment.

Very good. Love it. I would love to have written that. :D
 
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