"Go To Hell" New lyrics

GoetzManor

GoetzManor

New member
So these are the new lyrics to a song I'm currently working. Hopefully, I'll get some time to record tomorrow. Any comments are appreciated!

Carrie smoked rocks
And Jimmy did crack
Found love in the backseat
Of his Cadillac
Thought it's just a one time
Just to get their kicks
But baby Megan's born
After 29 weeks

Livin' with Jimmy
Is Hell on Earth
He's been a mother fucker
since Carrie gave birth
Doesn't want the kid
That's got his last name
Now his life's ruined
And that bitch is to blame

He can pray to a god
But that's a tough sell cuz
He's been sinning all his life so
You know he's gon' to Hell

Well Carrie got clean
And Jimmy got served
With papers for a kid
That he don't deserve
Do they think an intervention
Gonna change his ways?
Boy ain't never gettin' clean cuz
It's attention that he craves

Chorus

Jimmy's all alone
Empty shell of a man
Fate dealt the cards and
Jimmy picked the wrong hand
Carrie got a job and
Baby Megan's in school
[They] Say she's got a bright future
If she plays it cool

Jimmy got help
But the damage was done
The truth of the matter's that
He's too far gone
A broken family unit
Only let him down
Now he's got two years
'Fore he's in the ground

Chorus
 
Carrie smoked rocks
And Jimmy did crack
Found love in the backseat
Of his Cadillac
Thought it's just a one time
Just to get their kicks
But baby Megan's born
After 29 weeks

Livin' with Jimmy
Is Hell on Earth
He's been a mother fucker
since Carrie gave birth
Doesn't want the kid
That's got his last name
Now his life's ruined
SAYS that bitch is to blame

He can pray to a god
But that's a tough sell cuz
He's been sinning all his life so
You know he's gon' to Hell

Well Carrie got clean
And Jimmy got served
With papers for a kid
That he don't deserve
Do they think an intervention
Gonna change his ways?
Boy ain't never gettin' clean cuz
It's attention that he craves

Chorus

Jimmy's all alone
Empty shell of a man
Fate dealt the cards and
Jimmy picked the wrong hand
Carrie got a job and
Baby Megan's in school
[They] Say she's got a bright future
If she plays it cool

Jimmy got help
But the damage was done
The truth of the matter's that
He's too far gone
A broken family unit
Only let him down
Now he's got two years
'Fore he's in the ground
Good story but in the 1st instances the false or bad rhymes let it down on papaer. you can probably get away with it sung but on papaer it doesn't work.
Your syllable count or metre per line is a bit out too. that can be compensated for with held sounds etc but does suggest that there're a couple of lines at least that'll be chock full compared to heir partners.
Story wise at 29 week baby of a rock smoking mother would be in a difficult situation - you could do a litle research into the problems of premature babies - particularly those with drug addicted folk. I like the line about her doing well in school & it is redemptive for her character & mum's too but is it likely.
You need to dig a deeper hole for Jimmy if he's going to croak in 2 years - also the attention seeking aspect tied to the crack - I don't know that it works.
The bridge bit about praying really doesn't work for me - it reinforces the title I know but doesn't do it for me.
As I said good story - some rhyming cop outs and a few ideas let it down a bit.
It'll probably come up a treat sung but some rethinking would make the message/story song more effective.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top