First song in a while..."A GIRL JUST LIKE YOU"

Strat1958

Strat1958

Late-blooming songwriter!
I have been crazy busy at work the past 2 months, and have had a difficult time finding the hours necessary to write - never mind sitting down to hit the red button.

It's a long weekend here in Canada - so, I seized the opportunity!!

Typically for me lately, I wrote it this morning, and recorded it this afternoon. I classed it as "Alt-Country" due to its shuffle/Clapton-esque rhythm.

Hope you like it!

-Mike

A GIRL JUST LIKE YOU
by Mike Pilling 2009

[V1]
You got that girl next door thing
Goin' on for you
Every time you smile, girl
If you only knew
I always watch you walkin'
As you go down the street
You're the kind of girl
Everyone wants to meet

[CH]
They all want to be with
A girl just like you
They want to be seen with
A girl just like you
They would walk a thousand miles
Just to make it all worthwhile
But I sit back and smile
Oh yes I do...

[V2]
You talk and they all listen
You had them at hello
The laughs they are contagious
I knew this long ago
It's like some kind of light girl
Is shining right on you
Illuminating your world
And everything you do

[CH]

[BRIDGE]
There was a time I was one of them
In that crowd of hopeful men
But they can want you all they like
Cause I'm going home with you tonight

[CH]
(final chorus)
But I sit back and smile
Oh yes I do....
Cause I got you
 
Relaxed, easygoing, unfussy . . . as dodgeaspen says, a "nice little tune".

You note it as being 'alternative country' which seems fair enough, but I also detect a flavour of Peter & Gordon in it . . . a smooth retro sixties feel.

I don't mind the song, and it would sit on an album pretty nicely, but I feel unsettled for some reason. Perhaps because it's quite long without a whole lot of excitement in there. Maybe that was your intention; to keep it low key, but I wonder whether it can be 'condensed' a bit somehow. I'm kind of rambling . . . because I don't really know what I want to hear.
 
.

that was a great song! I don't really listen to country but that was great. only thing i didn't like so much was the silence between every line. but if that how you like it it's ok for me
PEace
 
Thanks one and all for your feedback. I guess I'm experimenting with different styles of music, and this is one of the results. GZ, I hear what you're saying, and I agree - but I don't really know how I can condense it; due to the slower tempo, the verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus structure brought it to 4 1/2 minutes.

Hmmmmm......

-Mike
 
I don't like the lyrics in V1 or the lyrics to the Chorus, as they seem very obvious, but I like the lyrics from V2 through to the end.

The music style is simply not my cup of tea at all, but that is not to say I don't appreciate your talent. I wonder if knocking it up a few BPM's would liven it up a bit? It sounds very solemn to say it's actually a positive song.

I don't mean to sound so negative. I realise this was a days work, which is probably better than I could do.

Peace.
 
...

Whoa... this is pretty good. If your aim is just to get a song "off the ground" and sell the SONG idea, your done... its there, I think.

This is a rough pass for you? *I'm Jealous*, LMAO. You have skills. But, your naturally wanting to take this song and polish it for YOU to sing it and play it out, and make it a hit? I can dig that... it has all the requisite requirements, I think anyways... xcellent job.

There's a part of me that cant offer criticism when I myself cant match chords to lyrics and produce this, lol, but... I have to try, right?

*shrugs*

I wanna hear, uhm, something more differentiate lyrics from chorus. Not necessarily anything huge and abrupt, I mean, it doesnt necessarily mean you have to start eating an apple and sh!tting a fruit salad for this but...

I wanna hear more difference between the lyric block and the chorus. Maybe a short intense bridge in there somewhere at just the right place. The rolling chord changes are nice and smooth, but its like one big long roll of tape, maybe "separating" the lyrics and chorus more would fix this *shrugs*

I cant do THIS much this good, so I feel silly throwing out suggestions.

Ideas, and I dont know, I just toss them out in case somethign is what would work...

1) you could "gear shift" with each block. Come up in base key a full tone for each and every lyric to chorus, and chorus to lyric block. Or a steady minor third climb each block change. ANything that changes with each block.

2) in stead of a rolling chord change constant... maybe delineate one chord for each block. is it a rolling I,IV,V setup? assign each to a different lyric block, and do a brief but intense "relative" bridge. Or save the "relative" key for the chorus only to set it apart, use the I,IV, and V for the other verses.

any of these might save that "roll of tape" effect that makes it one long thing, and break it up some.



dont get me wrong... this is awesome, you have talent. this is a high quality raw product. Make several "versions" trying to tweak the basic idea (which is perfect) into the final polished product.

eh?
 
Wow, SEDstar, that is some awesome advice! I agree, the verse and chorus, although having different chords, have a similar melody. I need to think on this.

Guess that's what happens when you write too fast, melodic indigestion.....

-Mike
 
I enjoyed the song and I wouldn't change the lyrics.

There's probably a couple things I would recommend changing. The first is the doubled vocals, never been a big fan of them. I would lower the level of the second vocal track, so you can barely hear it. Or if it's an effect, turn it down. I really like the vocals in the 2nd half of the chorus. I think you should do that for the whole chorus.

I wonder if you can do something different with the drums. Variation will add a lot to the song.

thanks for sharing.
 
Thanks Chili - great advice, as usual.

Just as an aside.....

About 10 minutes ago I heard a 'new' Dylan song "It's All Good". He sings the whole song on one note. I shouldn't be so hard on myself!

-Mike
 
...

quote:"Guess that's what happens when you write too fast, melodic indigestion....."

Nonsense, lol. The creative juices were flowing, the muse was whispering in your ear, and you hurriedly captured it all. Cool.

heck, I used to write fictional manuscripts, and when the mood strikes, I would type furiously, in an intense 25 page "burst" or so. I couldn't slow down to worry about plot flaws, spelling, punctuation, etc etc... I had to "cast it down" quickly...while the "movie running in my head" was still playing, if that makes any sense.

Later on, I would go back and read it more leisurely, and idly correct a few things here, a few things there, over time.

You have cast your rough draft down, and "captured" whatever "it" was. Thats why its good. You can now, at your leisure, go back and fiddle with it.
Thats the magic of computers, lol.

*shrugs* Honestly, I cant fathom how beethoven did it so well, with no tape recorders or computer workstation, LMAO

I'm flattered I came up with what (might, lol) seem like a plausible idea to try. Cool... keep us posted on developments with the track, I liked it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top