Finished recording of my new song "BLUE-EYED COOL"

Strat1958

Strat1958

Late-blooming songwriter!
I posted the lyrics in another thread, thanks Gecko Zzed for your excellent suggestion, which I have semi-incorporated ;)

The song is the age-old story of a guy sitting in a bar, afraid to talk to the pretty girl across the room for fear of rejection.

The challenge I had with this one was the tempo change part way through each chorus...I screwed it up slightly in one spot but overall I think it's OK.

Hope you likey :D

BLUE EYED COOL © Mike Pilling 2010

White sands and blue water
Every fool has his day
It’s hot and getting hotter
Dreaming the day away

Chorus
On my third drink or maybe my eighth
Sittin on this barstool
She blows in like a coconut breeze
Blue-eyed cool

Inst

Boz sang about the Jamaican bay
A picture of tropical grace
But a few miles south of Monterey
This clearly ain't that place

Chorus
The surf is crashing behind my back
But I’m wastin time like a fool
She’s in the dark but she’s in the light, and she's
Blue eyed cool

Bridge
Do I dare to look her way
It’s like looking at the sun
Easier to turn away
Easier to run

Talk to myself some more
Let’s turn this thing around
But pulled like a magnet toward the door
I didn’t make a sound

Chorus
As I walk the path to the parking lot
Water sparkles like a jewel
The ocean breeze hits my open shirt
And it’s blue eyed cool
Yeah blue eyed cool

Inst & fade
 
I like the song and performance. I think this thread belongs in the MP3 Clinic and you'll get a better chance of comments there. Shall I move it for you??

cheers,
 
Hi Chili,

The reason I posted it here was because I posted the lyrics earlier, just after I'd written it, and this was the finished result. Thanks for the suggestion to move it, please go ahead.

Cheers, Mike
 
Nice song with potential. First immediate impression is that the percussion sounds synthesized and seems to have a lot of reverb on it. Instead of helping the song along, I find it distracting me from the focus which should be the vocals. The vocals are flat in a number of places. Vocal tuning software is getting really good. I'd find one you like and use it. Everyone else does.
 
The "drums" kill this song. The hi-hat hammering away constantly is really annoying and there are timing problems all over the place. The whole mix seems to be awash with reverb. That's not good. The vocals sound as if they're in a giant reverb chamber. I'm gonna say that 99% of the time vocals sound better and cleaner with a little delay and NO reverb......or at least very, very little reverb. The guitar sounds okay and the flute thing is a nice touch, but they get lost behind the stuff that stands out as bad.

The song itself is very bland and dentist office-ish. It doesn't go anywhere. It's the same melody over and over with no build up or emotion. You spent too much time on the lyrics, which aren't anything special, and not enough time on anything else.
 
Thanks for the feedback, guys - I agree on the reverb, I will remix and dry it up, as well as tweaking the rhythm track so the hats don't punch through the mix.

Thanks for your honesty!

-Mike
 
It does get boring after the first verse. I'm sure you could do a ton of things to make it better. It's not bad, just need to more of something...
 
I like the title and a few of the lines (3rd drink or maybe my 8th). I thought the bass sounded pretty good and it was sitting at the right level.

Some pitch issues here and there (e.g., the word "water" at :18, the word "hotter" at :26).

I agree that the high hats are too dominant.

The verb on the vocal is heavy. It's also not very natural sounding. It might work for a Bowie tune, but a song like this should have something natural - a room. A plate might sound good.

Some nice harmonies.
 
What would make the musical arrangement work better:

Substitute some of the droning maj7 chords with relative minors.....especially coming out of sections...variety. Alterations, substitutes...unexpected chordal movement.....

Stop hammering the maj7 note. Like reverb can wash out a mix, a progression can become saturated to a fault with that maj7 laying on top of the 1 and 4 chords. Even Bread and America...who just got all irresponsible with it, didn't use it to this exreme!

Add a little texture change-up...a different feel...or some angst and grit somewhere.

More melody...arpeggio and phrasing action in the flute thing.

And what the other guys said.
 
Thank you Phil, TripleM and Jeff. I will consider your feedback.

I just started writing a year + a bit ago, so I have lots to learn. One positive though, even in its rough state, the song is at #1 on the Soundclick Pop > Beach chart :)

Thanks again,
-Mike
 
i love it:) it's beautiful, it seems to me it just needs tweakings etc., but i really like it alot. i keep listening to it over and over, and now i'm listening to it again while getting ready.:) good luck
 
The bass seems to spread all over the place - not quite booming but flooding the mix. Cut the bottom 100 from it & give it a little tweak for definition (as usual I'd say 4db at 3khz).
I don't mind the drones - I'm a drone myself (bad pun eh?).
The drums need a fair bit of work.
Yes, reverb can be your friend but this song is drenched in the level of reverb like I'd expect for a psychedelic tune.
The makings of a very good song.
 
Well I made a few changes based on the suggestions made here.

- Took all the reverb off the vocal, the remaining reverby sound is the wooden room I'm forced to record in!
- Rolled the top end off the hats.
- Removed every 2nd hit on the hats during the verse.
- Tweaked a few of the timing errors.
- Cut the bottom 100 out of the bass.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8963020

Thanks for the critiques, 'fraid it's as good as it's gonna get!

-Mike
 
i really like the drums. though they may not be perfectly recorded, they sound really unique. are they real? the continuous shaker is a good touch. i would suggest recording the vocal track as many times as possible for each section of the song and then just choosing the right track for each section. they do not sound bad, they just sound like you have the ability to make them better.
keep up the good work!:D
 
Hey Jake - the drums are 'real' to the extent that they are recorded loops of real drums. I use software called PCDrummer, available at pcdrummer.com

Thanks for your comments!

-Mike
 
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