Feedback on song structure and lyrics from pros

Join Soundclick or Reverbnation or soundcloud or use MP3Lightning. Utub isn't great for music quality & if you want feedback you also should provide the best qual you can.
On a recording level you desperately need to get a deesser onto the vocals & probably decrease the reverb on the vox too.
the rest of the recording is pretty nice. You ought to post this in the MP3 Mixing Clinic for more ideas about the song.
Some good playing, nice vid (I did wonder why you were shoeless but - when in Japan...), vocals are a good start - you'll need to de ess & perhaps try a couple of more takes - some of your pronounciation is slightly skewed but if Eng is your 2nd language & you live & work in Japan it's not surprising that there's an occassional odd spot.
Structurally the song is fine. Lyrically it may need some development as you repeat things a bit I think (can't be sure without seeing them written as a set of lines rather than a scrolling subtitle).
Definitely well worth working on.
Well done on the part of you musical collaborator as well.
 
Haha,
yeah...I do live in Japan. I`m guilty. The feedback really helps, man. This is not the final version, for sure. I do teach English in Japan, but I wouldn`t be surprised if I mispronounced words now and then. Cheers, man. When I record it again, I`ll definitely take into consideration what you said about the song.
A.D
 
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