Feedback on one specific line of lyrics. Totally wrong? pls advise

E

Emusic

New member
The specific words "something borrowed - something blue".
Just crap and nonsense? Or can it be written this way? I need advise as my main language is norwegian and this just came dropping down. It suits the singing so well so if it makes sense we gonna keep it
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our days have been - ups and downs and you were
often in a state of fighting your nerveous breakdowns
but thats ok my love - I´m here to walk beside beside you
it´s feet by feet - yard by yard - something borrowed - something blue

but hey - it doesn´t matter to me
don't make it harder than it needs to be.
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Thanks in advance
 
it's fine. It's a wedding saying. something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. It's about what the bride wears.

"Nervous breakdowns" was the one I'd be looking at changing.
 
Just a Thought.

"Feet by Feet Yard by Yard"? How about "Yard by yard is hard but inch by inch is a cinch". Something my daughter says but maybe it can give you something new to work with.

Keep the faith, Ozlee :cool:
 
Well, "something borrowed-something blue" would be a cliche. And usually it is a good idea to avoid cliches. They tend to give your words less meaning and make you sound unoriginal.

Try a new twist on the line like perhaps:

something borrowed-something true
or
something borrowed, blue, and new

??
 
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Jack Russell said:
Well, "something borrowed-something blue" would be a cliche. And usually it is a good idea to avoid cliches. They tend to give your words less meaning and make you sound unoriginal.

Try a new twist on the line like perhaps:

something borrowed-something true
or
something borrowed, blue, and new

??
Click to expand...
Sometimes the cliches work better depending on the popularity of them...if you try to twist them people think you just got the cliche wrong and get turned off
 
Megaman said:
Sometimes the cliches work better depending on the popularity of them...if you try to twist them people think you just got the cliche wrong and get turned off
Click to expand...

I disagree. Cliches are definitely am emphatic negative, whether you are a poet, writing of fiction, writer of prose, advertizing writer, or lyricist (commercial, pop, or alternative). Cliches say "I am a brainless hack" as soon as you use them.

Avoid at all costs if you want to be a serious songwriter.

John Entwistle of The Who is one guy who used cliches. He got away with it because he used them as a means of humorous expression. Very very tounge in cheek. Plus he had Pete Towshend as the main writer. :D
 
the Ozlee said:
"Feet by Feet Yard by Yard"? How about "Yard by yard is hard but inch by inch is a cinch". Something my daughter says but maybe it can give you something new to work with.

Keep the faith, Ozlee :cool:
Click to expand...

something your daughter says? does she have alot of experience working with inches?
 
bewildered said:
something your daughter says? does she have alot of experience working with inches?
Click to expand...
That has to be the single most stupid reply I´ve seen in here for years.
 
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