Err .....vague [nEed iMPuT]

N

Naghorvik_Soran

New member
Ill get to it I hate writing lyrics because, though most people would consider themselves thier own worst critic. I on the other hand like to mercelessly hand myself my own head every time i put pen to papaer.

Here is a set of lyrics for a song ive begun to work on titled metamorphisis. Now these lyrics dont rhyme and im aware of that i think maying evry single thing line up in a rhyme sceme all the time is formulaic some of the best poetry ever written didnt really rhyme. ANYHOW

the title of the song doesnt have much to do with the lyrics because its name had more to do with the acual sound of the song I consider it to be a personal musical metamorphisis from previous work if you want some idea of what it sounds like think slow heavy and rather spaced out the guitar tracks were played on a seven string strung with galvanized steel cabels (MEAT!)
the drums were an acustic kit with a cookie sheet over the bass drum layerd with 3 other drum machine parts
along with manny samples and caotic noise bursts the verse is spoken
the chorus sung ina bezerker like fasion

METAMORPHISIS

V1

Light
Dark
Indivisible
Dogma of futile
Mind candy (sample pops in: "its junk food for the brain")
Dreams set aloft
By generations willfull playboys
Seeking nothing
Substance
Truth
Refuted lies

V2

Live By Proxy
The experieance teaches nothing
Programmed wisdom
Conditioned response (sample: pavlov dribbles la la la)
Embracing Futility
Light
Dark
Opposing
Force
Flying
Into
The face
Of reason

CHORUS
Ev-i-dent is the re-course
dog-ma-tist ex-cess
choke
choke
the budding flower of reason

BRIDGE

Con-stant
Unwavering
as the
sands of time

REPEAT VERSE 2 REPEAT CHORUS

Imput and interpretations welcome
 
I liked the lyrics.

I am not really clear about the music, because a description of music is rather like trying to describe a taste... You almost have to describe it in relation to something else which isn't anything more than another perception of your own to begin with... If that makes any sense.

But.. with that said, I did like the lyrics. They make one think, and that is always a good thing. They almost seem to be a chain of consciousness type of thing, with their meaning forced out, only upon reflection.

nice
Les Williams
 
Post an .MP3 of what your sound scheme is!!!

I like the imagery.

It is hard to not come across as a bit kitsch with short word delivery if you don't have a really memorable voice for spoken word delivery..... "Space, the final frontier" or "No-one would have believed in the final years of the twentieth century......"

How fast is the song?

I think the beginning of the second verse is good, but the second half week - Light/dark/opposing/force - maybe a little cliched to sit comfortably against - Live By Proxy.........again just personal taste

Nice work
 
the song is about 60 bpm...

as for mp3 its a bit of a chore for me given as to do it i need to go thru about 3 computers to acomplish this seemingly simple task as soon as all my songs are finished ill mp3 em all

but i think your right i tend to have a problem with seccond verses in general i get going in verse 1 and then by verse two i lose a bit of steam

does anyone know how to combat this seemingly common problem (being as i think im not the only one who suffers from it)
 
Seems to me that you need to find a couple of different directions to go at with a lyrical structure such as this.

For instance - in the first verse and a half, you seem to be describing symptoms and conditions - how about for the rest of the verse you explore the outcomes of those symptoms.

Just a thought - some of the better stuff I have written has revolved around concepts of showing the same scene back through different people's eyes.

Ciao,

Q.
 
don't feel bad! I do the same thing... what sometimes helps me is to put the song down for a while and come back to it... it's kinda like sex, you blow your load, then you need a recovery period.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top