I personally never use a stand to play the djembe. I'm playing for dancers, so I'm always moving around a lot and have become so used to wearing th djembe over the years that I would find it uncomfortable to play with a stand. Having said that, I do use conga stands to keep my djembes safe while backstage(from being knocked over by the running around and I keep a foam pad and blanket over them).
The only djembe stand that I have seen that would seem to suit your needs is one manufactured by LP and I believe you can use it without drilling for a mounting bracket (under $100 I believe).It has all of the characters of a free standing mounted tom stand and appears stable and durable.
There is another harness type that has a rigid fiberglass half cylindrical shell which has a tom mount on it that you could use to hook up to a standing tom stand (I forget who makes it, but I remember that it was only about $20 or so for this harness).
You are right that the other folding tubular with straps types are real flimsy.