hi moptop. The problem for me was the lyrics were so corny/cliche. i don't know if you want comments on that type of thing or just the mix. the mix sounds pretty good to me and the sounds are mostly pleasing.
i agree with others that there's some kind of phasing issue on the vocal, the arrangement gets repetitive, needs some dynamics. But, if the lyrics were better, I would deal with all that. Also, I think the tempo might be a hair slow because you're dragging some of the words. If you love it and it feels complete keep it as is, but if you're open to changing things around those are the things I'd focus on.