Critique please - current work in progress *updated*

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Dreamz2k

New member
Hey all,

Well, having ended up going away of the New Year (unplanned) having the car break down and basically anything else that can go wrong, I managed to finally squeeze some time in to start re-writing my track, She Must Go.

If you remember the original -> [MP3]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/16918406/dreamz_shemustgo.mp3[/MP3]

it was rather boppy, a bit too fast etc etc etc (produced with Reason & Studio One)

Since then, I've bought myself some new VSTi's with what was left of my xmas bonus and have now dumped Reason completely and reproduced it all entirely within Studio One (still a lot of work needed but wanted to show the transformation so far)

The new version -> [mp3]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/16918406/dreamz_shemustgo%28withoutreason%29.mp3[/mp3]

View attachment dreamz_shemustgo(withoutreason).mp3 MP3 attached as that seems to be the new trend (do drop box links work if my PC is off as well? or are they just stored locally?)

There's various things to sort out, drums to fix and so on, and there's only REALLY the first verse laid down (the others after are just ideas so won't go from guitar part to part like it currently does and they'll also either be changed/ripped out of the track completely) but wanted to post something as I've not been around and now hope to get active again (don't you hate life :()

Happy new year to all! :)
 
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Sounds nice Dreamz, but forget the VSTi's... you can't buy it.

The nasty is to say that what you need is to make your sound more fluid and less jerky, and have a vocal to give it a point. But strangely I like your stuff... so maybe you just need more strange people? :)
 
Yeah I've gotta agree, this track has become more than just the start of a new song, it's now more an experiment with the new instruments and life without Reason.

It's very "mechanical" in its rhythm, but that is quite deliberate :) almost staccato-esque. I know I can't "buy" that real sound/feeling with VSTi's - but it'll take me a lot longer to learn/play the real thing than it will to get something "human-ish" feeling out of them, and they're a massive upgrade from what I've had to work with previously.

Vocals are a biggy for me, all my previous work is instrumental and I want to move into vocal based music (have done for a long time) as well as add that more "natural/human" feel to my music as well.

Thanks for the feedback!
 
i actually thought the acoustic was pulled off pretty well...the electric didnt work quite as much...maybe too much reverb on it as well, but keep at it..I know folks say that you cant fake it but Ive heard stuff by a guy over on the Cakewalk forum and he did a bloody good job, the average listener wouldnt have a clue

Vocals are a tough one, I bet you will hate your own voice at first, many of us do..I have a load of early vocal tracks and all I can say is pick a style that works within your range, especially as you are good on your instrumentation, if you push your vocals too much they will sound bad against great sequencing..
 
Thanks Kcearl, really good feedback and taken on board (and yes I hate my vocals at the moment! but I'm sure in time with lots of practice it will improve!) I guess it's like self image? you don't see yourself in the same way other people see you - I guess vocals are the same?

I've actually scrapped this project for now, I think there's too much to change in order to get the main bulk of it where I want it (and spot on with the electric, was prob an hours work messing around with Realguitar+amps for fun - 1st go (I'm sure I'll get the hang of it!)
 

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  • dreamz_beyondtheabyss.mp3
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The first song - every time a new instument comes in it's louder. Can you balance that out somehow?
 
Hey, yes easily I think, these are really "rough" cuts/work in progress (i like to post as i write) and there's been little/no mastering done at all thus far :D
 
dont fear the vocal man :D
since I discovered autotune I dont even worry about singing in tune anymore, I just go back and fix it later, if you do it right nobody will ever know... its the mistakes that give it away :D

(I do realize that some people claim to be able to sniff out moderate amounts of autotune from a mile away, I will not be sending them my music ;) )
 
Good intro - good acoustic gtr.
The electric gtr melody line is good but I think I'd use a smoother model for the tone something like whitestrat achieves.
What is it about the bass that - is it a stereo spread that is mainly in one channel & bomps over to the other with a certain freq? It was a little distracting with h/phones.
This is good so far - keep going & keep posting.
 
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