Critique my song, "Say a Prayer"?

G

Gary B

New member
Hi all,

Just posted a new song at MP3.com called "Say a Prayer".

http://www.mp3.com/gbat

A song about selfish prayer, replacing action with words. It features my wife, Debbie, singing 3 part harmony. Recorded in N-tracks using NTK mike, Mackie mixer, RNC compressor, Alesis QS7, J-Station, Edirol UA-100, Endorphin. Drums and rhodes from Band-in-a box, mastered in Sound Forge 5. Lyrics as follows:

Say A Prayer

Say a prayer, Oh, say a prayer
Say a prayer for the lonely, heartsick, forgotten ones
Who stand outside your gates and wait
While you

Say a prayer, Oh, say a prayer
Say a prayer for the starving, unloved, abandoned ones
Who stand outside your barns and wait
While you
You say:

Send someone
Use someone
Send someone
God of mercy (won't you)
Send love, Lord
Send grace, Lord
Send peace
Oh, Lord of mercy
And I thank you
for ble-ssing me

(Instrumental)

Say a prayer, Oh, say a prayer
Say a prayer for the freezing, displaced, unfortunate ones
Who stand outside your bank and wait
While you,

Say a prayer, Oh, say a prayer
Say a prayer for the children of war that invade your home
As they come and go on your TV screen
While you
While you
You say:

Send someone
Use someone
Send someone
God of mercy (won't you)
Send love, Lord
Send grace, Lord
Send peace
Oh, Lord of mercy

Send someone
Use someone
Send someone
God of mercy (won't you)
Send love, Lord
Send grace, Lord
Give 'em peace
Oh, Lord of mercy
And I thank you
for ble-ssing me
ME
ME
ME
ME!

Appreciate your feedback. Thanks.
 
Gary,
Nice song.Your wife has a good voice.

You asked for critiques,I'm no pro but,sounds like the guitars are to busy in the backround,taking away from the vocals.

Like I said your wife has a fine voice,she should sing solo with some occasional harmony .
I think she'd sound much better.

Hope this is some help.

Best to you,
Pete
 
Good lyrics, good tune, and good performance.

Lyricly it all makes sense and I like the way each verse shares a similar structure. It hammers home the point really well. The only thing that sticks out to me is the word "bank" in the 3rd verse. I don't see how it fits the "the freezing, displaced, unfortunate ones."

I see "bank" as the place where wealth is. Sure, freezing, displaced, unfortunate can all be realted to being poor- but I might have used the word "home" because all those words make me think "homeless" instead of poor.

How's that for nit-picking? :D Its a good tune the way it is- just mentioning the only thing that I noticed.

Take care,
Chris
 
yep!

Museman and Chris,

I do so appreciate your feedback! Your points are well taken and not nit-picky. :) I listen to the song on CD, recorded with 5 different mixes, every day on the way to work. Your words give me something to focus on. I think a remake may be forthcoming with the guitars tamed a bit, the wife solo-voiced more, and the lyrics shuffled.

Trouble is the song went from nowhere to #13 on the MP3.com Christian Rock charts in it's first day of posting. Don't know whether to redo it now or let it have it's "15 minutes of fame" first in it's present form.
 
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