Critique my song please!

badgerer

badgerer

New member
http://www.nowhereradio.com/tomewer/singles

Hey there, it's the one called End Of. It's complete (aside from drums and fine tuning), so I'd especially like to know what you think.

This is one song off my first album now nearing completion, all of the songs are pretty much at this stage. Please tell me what you think about the song, and the mix!

Tom
 
Mostly sounds good to me. One nitpick might be that the bass kinda comes in and out. It sounds great when he's on the lower notes but it goes away considerably on the higher notes.

Also, the vox might benefit from being not quite as totally dry. If it was mine I might experiment with a light verb to soften the voice a bit. I dunno though, it's not bad as is.

Yeah, bass is really all over the place volume-wise during the "heavy" section.

Is that really the ending, or did you cut it off?

It's kinda hard to comment when there's missing drums, but sounds like you're not far from being there with this one - maybe just a few minor tweaks.

Chris
 
groucho said:
Mostly sounds good to me. One nitpick might be that the bass kinda comes in and out. It sounds great when he's on the lower notes but it goes away considerably on the higher notes.

Also, the vox might benefit from being not quite as totally dry. If it was mine I might experiment with a light verb to soften the voice a bit. I dunno though, it's not bad as is.

Yeah, bass is really all over the place volume-wise during the "heavy" section.

Is that really the ending, or did you cut it off?

It's kinda hard to comment when there's missing drums, but sounds like you're not far from being there with this one - maybe just a few minor tweaks.

Chris
Click to expand...

Thanks for the comments. I know what you mean about the bass...I don't know how to fix it! EQing or something?

I have experimented with verb but have never been able to come up with something satisfactory, in fact the vox do have verb but only a very small amount. I can't seem to find a level between no noticeable verb, and way too much!

Yeah the ending.....not sure what to do...I thought a fade out, stripping away each instrument in turn was kinda cool, but in retrospect I think I it goes on for too long.

Thanks again!
 
were you intending this to be a mono audio file?

vocals sound a little shaky in sections, like you're still kinda learning the song. The background vocals sound "stronger" if that makes any sense.

very nice song. The vocals carry a nice melody.

the part where the fuzz stuff comes in was ackward. And the fuzz guitar sounded fuzzy rather than "powerful".
 
What a nice song. It is good enough to keep chargin'...but you're not quite there yet, IMO. I wouldn't mind if you kept it like this, without the drums I mean.

You're a guitarplayer playing bass right? Play more low notes, man!

Agree with what's been said already on the vocals. Let the song rest for a few weeks, then sing with more confidence. Watch your intonation and breathe properly. Then add a little more verb.

Ending seems....eh....a bit.....unnecessary. I don't usually say that kinda stuff, I tend to take everything the way 'it's presented'. But in this song....I don't know. It destroys the mood a little. :)
 
mixmkr said:
were you intending this to be a mono audio file?

vocals sound a little shaky in sections, like you're still kinda learning the song. The background vocals sound "stronger" if that makes any sense.

very nice song. The vocals carry a nice melody.

the part where the fuzz stuff comes in was ackward. And the fuzz guitar sounded fuzzy rather than "powerful".
Click to expand...

Uhh...I'm new to this, I don't really know anything about stereo or panning or anythin like that...I'm using N- Track, running everything through an Audiophile 2496. Would it be better to pan things left/right for better effect? Such as main and BG vox and stuff.

What do you mean by awkward? I kinda liked the tone on that...I thought...:(

;) all advice very handy though!
 
Pedullist said:
What a nice song. It is good enough to keep chargin'...but you're not quite there yet, IMO. I wouldn't mind if you kept it like this, without the drums I mean.

You're a guitarplayer playing bass right? Play more low notes, man!

Agree with what's been said already on the vocals. Let the song rest for a few weeks, then sing with more confidence. Watch your intonation and breathe properly. Then add a little more verb.

Ending seems....eh....a bit.....unnecessary. I don't usually say that kinda stuff, I tend to take everything the way 'it's presented'. But in this song....I don't know. It destroys the mood a little. :)
Click to expand...

You might be right about the drums...I don't know...maybe would be more applicable when the song gets heavier.

Play more low notes eh?! I thought it's pretty low throughout (the bass guitar's tuned to Drop Db) aside from the intro...I don't know what you mean really?

What do you think would be a good way to end the song? Just a standard fade out?

Thanks for all the compliments!
 
Sorry man....skip the comment about the bass part. I would play different notes at times....not necessarily lower notes. I was confused for a moment (thanks to Studiovile I guess ;) )

I would try to find a nice sentence to end it and build the musical ending around it.

If you decide to keep the ending, you should definitely add drums...

Let's hear the drums first, then I'll give you perhaps a different opinion
 
I`m wit Ped on this. really nice piece of real estate you got there, but it needs a big wet low end for those chords to bounce on on, kinda hold it up in its hand thing ya know. And variation occasionaly. The harmony could be two part and don't drop the pitch off at the end of the ohhhhhhhhh. I`d be really happy hearing it vamp out over the horizon with that "why do i..." but with the drums it miay work out well on that ending.
oh, an occasional piano tinkling at scattered strategic places after the 2nd verse starts and choruses is something I hear in that. ok, I`ll hush.. Really nice tune :)
 
It's a good tune...It seemed like it took a few bars to settle into a groove though at the beginning. The only other nitpick I have is the tone of the guitar there at the end, it was a little too harsh and cutting, could stand a little warming up. Good job overall.

bd
 
Nice melody to this one. Good simple rhythm guitar part. Nice smooth lead guit. Nice singing voice. I liked all that.

The vocals have a bit of a "distant" sound to them. Maybe get the mic closer during tracking. A bit of reverb would probably help.

The acoustic, to a lesser extent, had a distant sound as well.

The harmony vocals could be a bit tighter. A three part would probably sound better. The "ahs" were not as smooth as the other tracks in the song. I'd give those "ahs" a softer entrance - rather than hitting them as hard as you did. And I'd double the harmony vocals.

Just thoughts.
 
Sorry man....skip the comment about the bass part. I would play different notes at times....not necessarily lower notes. I was confused for a moment (thanks to Studiovile I guess )

I would try to find a nice sentence to end it and build the musical ending around it.

If you decide to keep the ending, you should definitely add drums...

Let's hear the drums first, then I'll give you perhaps a different opinion
Click to expand...

I'm gonna work on the ending some. Drum kit's broken at the moment :-)mad: ) and it will be a while before I can get it fixed, so the drum tracks are some way off unfortunately. It's very frustrating, I can assure you that!

I`m wit Ped on this. really nice piece of real estate you got there, but it needs a big wet low end for those chords to bounce on on, kinda hold it up in its hand thing ya know. And variation occasionaly. The harmony could be two part and don't drop the pitch off at the end of the ohhhhhhhhh. I`d be really happy hearing it vamp out over the horizon with that "why do i..." but with the drums it miay work out well on that ending.
oh, an occasional piano tinkling at scattered strategic places after the 2nd verse starts and choruses is something I hear in that. ok, I`ll hush.. Really nice tune
Click to expand...

Haha!! You've completely lost me!! :D:D

Wet low end?! That sounds a bit saucy... I thought that harmony was two part?? Two voices = two part??

I'm useless at playing the piano :( Thanks for that!

The only other nitpick I have is the tone of the guitar there at the end, it was a little too harsh and cutting, could stand a little warming up. Good job overall.
Click to expand...

Okay, I'l work on that tone.

he vocals have a bit of a "distant" sound to them. Maybe get the mic closer during tracking. A bit of reverb would probably help.

The acoustic, to a lesser extent, had a distant sound as well.
Click to expand...

I'll try and retrack the vox closer. The guitars are double tracked with two different chord progressions (same chords, slightly differently played), so I probably just need them to bring them forward a bit in the mix.

The harmony vocals could be a bit tighter. A three part would probably sound better. The "ahs" were not as smooth as the other tracks in the song. I'd give those "ahs" a softer entrance - rather than hitting them as hard as you did. And I'd double the harmony vocals.
Click to expand...

Three part harmony? I'll see what I can come up with...I'm no good with music theory, so I just go with what sounds in my head.

Thanks very much everyone!
Click to expand...
 
Toki987 said:
I`m wit Ped on this. really nice piece of real estate you got there, but it needs a big wet low end for those chords to bounce on on, kinda hold it up in its hand thing ya know. And variation occasionaly. The harmony could be two part and don't drop the pitch off at the end of the ohhhhhhhhh. I`d be really happy hearing it vamp out over the horizon with that "why do i..." but with the drums it miay work out well on that ending.
oh, an occasional piano tinkling at scattered strategic places after the 2nd verse starts and choruses is something I hear in that. ok, I`ll hush.. Really nice tune :)
Click to expand...

It needs a full big bass, not playing that much, but something to support the guitars, with a little variation in the notes. THe harmony could have another part, and not drop off in pitch. The chorus part could be used to "vamp" (repeat over and over to infinity and fade) but the drums added might make the end you used work better. :)
 
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You've written a good song! You've already got a lot of comments regarding the bass, so I won't go there (but I kind of agree ... wait, didn't want to go there :) )

To me, the end (when the distortion comes in) sounded kind of out of place with the rest of the tune. The arrangement didn't really flow -- imho -- it just felt kind of awkward to me...but then, what do I know?

I think your vocals work well on this tune, maybe just a tad of verb (I'm listening on headphones)...and I liked the bg vocals.

Overall a very worthy tune to keep working on. Nice job!

:D
 
okay i'm starting to get a message here...no one likes the ending hehe. So most of you seem to be suggesting that I just "vamp" the second chorus out to fade? Do you not think the Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus structure is a little boring?
 
Kinda mono-ish mix... bass loud and mud-ridden... nice strumming on git. Vocals are mixed well enough. Sounds like everything is coming from a cone speaker... just one of 'em.... guess that's O.K.

Hmmm... esp. when the backup vocal comes in, you're really starting to need those pan pots... this thing needs space for everything... either that or a decent amount of verb on the b.g's to get 'em away from your lead.

Bass tone ... mud. Needs an EQ dip ... fiddle with something between 250Hz and 350Hz... about 2-3db... sweep it to find the sweet spot.

The ending gtr tone is a bit too flat... the arrangement here doesn't seem to work as well (i.e. the mixture of tones and frequency strata). The acoustic is particulary getting beat up by the cheapish sounding elec... a trick there would be to trim the highs on the elec (above 2.5k) and shelve everything below that on the acoustics... and blend to taste.

Not bad for a mono mix; there's actually not much phase cancellation (or much "unpleasant" phase cancellation)... until the last section when the acoustics get washed out almost completely.

Pretty good ear you have there for writing (yes, ear for writing) contemporary rock music. Not bad.


Chad
 
Thanks for your comments! I'll take it into account, although on the most part I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :o

I don't know how to get a stereo mix! :mad: :(
 
This does sound good, but I have to agree with the mono-ish of it. If you can open it up a bit I think it will work wonders for the tune...make it a little bit less constricted and more spatial, which this song sounds like it could use (especialy with those background voices and ambiance of it)

I like the song itself. Sounds well played and you sang it well. It's a little short (kind of makes me wonder what the next song is going to sound like in your sequence of songs for your CD) That is a good thing ... it leaves me wanting more.

Nice job overall!

:D
 
So I figured out how to pan, does anyone know any good sites/articles on what to seperate bla bla? Like are there any standard things to do in regards to harmonies etc.? Thanks.
 
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