check this home recorded track. feedback needed

M

maqic

New member


Here are the lyrics:

Song: Don't know
Artist: SAve3
Year: 2004
Verse:
Why do your smiles become dull in my head?

Being with me -- you'd rather be dead.

Why does this have to be this way?

Let's be friends is what you'll say

In the end, it'll all come down to nothing

Mini-Bridge:
All the kisses we've shared
All the words that were said

Chorus:
I don't know-
I don't know-
 
Didn't listen to the mp3, but I like the lyrics, simple and to the point. How about another verse or two, though?
 
Not the sort of thing I buy, but still liked it. I know this is only a demo, but the vocals need to be louder as they are drowned out by the guitar. The chorus needs more vocal layers (backing singers - counter melody) and maybe another guitar should come in to thincken and beef it up?
 
write a verse 2. its obviously a personal song about a personal situation, and we all know that (unfortunately) personal things like that drag on longer that we'd like, but should give some more inspiration to elaborate a little on the story.
i love the bit later on in the last part when there's more agressive playing on the acoustic. just thing that youll need to play with the sound of it to keep it from having bits that jump out in a harsh way.
seems good so far, ditto to comments about the vocals. there's a good voice there wanting to be heard over the guitar...
 
i absolutely love it. the lyrics, the voice, the guitar, its so good, i'd love to hear a polished up recording of this song. your voice reminds me a bit of daniel johns from silverchair., not a bad thing at all,
 
well, it's something i'd buy or listen to when i'm at home. american pop-rock doesn't float my boat at all =)

because you're playing with just an acoustic and your voice, with long notes in the melody, you're slipping behind in your timing a little. try to tighten it up.
have you got some sort of chorus effect on your voice? or a strange reverb setup? i'd not use it if i were you... sounds like there's some slight phasing going on.

you've made great use of a short lyric, really extending it, which is great.

keep working, you're doing well.
 
Yeah, I heard that strange reverb in the vocal's.

Song is quite good and all the points above are relevent. Re-record the vocals and push up a bit in the mix.

Bluesjnr
 
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