'Bye Bye' (Seether meets Staind) Need Feedback on the concept of this song

[dreamsound2]

I'm doing a bit of an experiment here. I made a pre-production of a song at home and for the first time I'm taking it to a studio.

So this version was not meant to be heard by anyone and I feel like I'm posting naked pictures of myself here lol. But, I really just want to know if this song was done 'right' (vocals in tune, correcting the phrasing, throwing some harmonies, done in a good sounding room) would this be something you would listen to or does this suck?

Also, I can't change too much the format of the song now but any comments like adding a guitar solo, a change in the lyrics, or any type of effect that you think it might work for the studio version, feel free to share.

Since I'm not much of a drummer (probably shows in this song) I already had a session drummer do some acoustic drums for me in a good room and they're sounding pretty good

Thanks again for lending me your ears.

The song should be done in two more weeks, I'll be sure to post it back so everyone interested can download the final studio version.

Lyrics:

Bye-Bye
--------

Once again I have to leave
The people that I love
In the quest for my imaginary world
Once again I have to feel
Like I am all alone
and myself the only person I know

Bye bye
It is time to let go
I am en route to find something new

Bye bye
It is time to let go
I won't be that far from you

Complicated
Destination
No one knows who I was before

Are the reasons I escape
in search for the truth
or am I really looking for an excuse
to start over
and somehow
erase my mistakes
and forgive myself for what I've done here

Bye bye
It is time to let go
...

 

[steppingonmars]

Ok so I assume you want a performance/song critique here so here goes.

Sounds pretty good. A couple of things I hear here that will be issues even with a studio recording

Pitch

- there are some pitch issues with your vox.

Ending

- the ending seems a little abrupt, almost seems like an afterthought, I think you need to construct a better ending

Phrasing
- seems like we need a few more words in those lyrics. Some of the phrasing seems awkward

Take all of this with a grain of salt however as this is your tune, so if your happy with it don't take offence to what I've said. Another thing you could consider is hiring a producer, he could help you on your way!

Good luck!

 

[dreamsound2]

I know there are those phrasing issues but you've hit the spot, I need to 'add' more lyrics and change some of the wording. I'll post an updated revision tonight.

Now, remember this is only a preproduction version that's why Im not worried about the pitch yet.

I do like the ending though

 

[Simbo]

I like the music, but i agree with what Steppingonmars said.

Vox sound like like there trying to fill in what the music is doing.

I don't like that little slide at the very end.

Just my thoughts (1 out of a million )