Anthem To The Estranged

[Henry Duthler]

I wanted to get some feedback on the lyrics for one of my songs...I have the music...it's on my site, but I just don't have the singing ability to really do it justice...

Let me know what you think and any changes you would make...
here's the link to the site (For a music reference...)
http://www.betarecords.com/openframeset.php?content=/strategically.placed


The Lyrics are as follows:

Anthem To The Estranged
Lyrics written by Henry Duthler

Verse 1
I can’t avoid these feelings
So Strong I can’t ignore
To see you in such perfect light
Is more than I can afford
Beneath these shadows of my past
Lies a truth I can’t erase
Beyond this realm of reason
There comes this moment I must face

Chorus
And I fall like a sinner
Crashing to my knees
Begging for forgiveness
And praying for release
There’s a distant sound of rain
Singing an anthem to the estranged

Verse 2
Forged in Stone
Time can’t erase
Poetic verses I once knew
Their meanings lost through interpretation
Linger like a stale perfume
Memories, tarnished like copper
Worthless as they seem
So removed but still they remain
In my sleep in all my dreams

Bridge
There’s a desperate wind in the air tonight
There's a hunger in my heart
A relentless spirit in my soul tonight
And it’s slowly tearing me apart

Copyright Henry Duthler 2007

 

[up-fiddler]

Bridge
There’s a desperate wind in the air tonight
There's a hunger in my heart
A relentless spirit in my soul tonight
And it’s slowly tearing me apart

Copyright Henry Duthler 2007

To be honest, and I always am, this song isn't my cup of tea. However, my mother always said,"If you can't say anything nice then.... " You know how the rest of it goes.

The bridge doesn't seem to fit with the song but I REALLY like it. It's very passionate and understandable. The imagery is simple and extremely powerful at the same time. In a few words it accomplishes what many songs fail to do. It begs to tell a story. In a word......Nice.

 

[Henry Duthler]

Just Posted the Original Version of this song

On the link below, I have two very different interpretations of the lyrics for this song...the first is more of a pop song, and the other one is currently instrumental. What I am curious about is which style you feel best fits the lyrics for this tune...

http://www.unsigned.com/strategicallyplaced

Please let me know, I am looking to redo this song, and just wanted some feedback about which version to stick with...