I'd EQ stuff way differently than you have here. That first guitar sounds cloudy and in serious need of some presence, and the second one as well. The synths lack air. So I guess I'd try cuts on the guitars and maybe some broad judicious boosts on the some of the synths, or maybe some distortion if EQ boosts sounded harsh. Just some ideas.
The tune's got good structure, with enough changes to maintain interest. I think it's work on the actual s-o-u-n-d that would reward you most handsomely with this one.