A Thread for Sharing Lyrics

Grey Angel

Grey Angel

Angel of Shredding
__________________________________________
untitled

We'll spend millions in bribes,
spend millions in bribes
to close the public's eyes,
close the public's eyes


We'll close down the lines,
close down the lines
so we'll control their lives
we'll control their lives
_______________________________
I just wanted to get some of my lyrics out there so someone different from me could tell me what they think. I've only just started writing songs recently, and haven't even put music+words together but once so far, so I guess I'm looking for feedback and stuff. :o
 
one more thing...

Oh, I forgot to add that anyone who feels comfortable putting their lyrics out there should do so in this thread. I'd like for us all to help each other grow as songwriters :o
 
Grey Angel said:
__________________________________________
untitled

We'll spend millions in bribes,
spend millions in bribes
to close the public's eyes,
close the public's eyes

We'll close down the lines,
close down the lines
so we'll control their lives
we'll control their lives
Click to expand...

Good start so far - reminds me of Bob Dylan for some reason. This would make a great anti-establishment song with acoustic guitar backup. As it grows maybe add to the thread so we can enjoy more ......
Thanks for sharing.... :)
 
Grey Angel said:
Looks like no one else is interested in putting up their lyrics in my thread... :rolleyes:

Here's some other of my stuff:

my happiness comes only with a price, and it's ignorance.
so, I'll just daydream for a while, in prurience

they say we die before we hear the shot,
but don't you hear it?
it's already been fired
*chorus*
It's not a shot, it's a lethal injection
it's not a bang, it's begging for a buck
it's the backfire of your old chevy,
sending its poison straight to out hearts
Click to expand...

Well I thought I would keep your thread going using what else ? - your latest lyrics. Why not cause they are great! Lots of imagery happening here (sight and sound). Looking forward to more of this...... :)
 
Here's my latest. I don't know if it's just the practice of writing, but i think they may be getting better each time. I also find myself catching a lot of little things that I could change as I write it. Must be a good sign :D

title:it turns black
bleached white, now just another page;
bleached blood, now we're all the same
and we've bleached the earth,
with our clorox blues;
stenciled-out, stale hues.

but burn it all, and it turns black

pristine chapels and a gospel priest
join the war god in his feast
heaven and hell, mix them, they're grey
all this religious bullshit is gay
 
Grey Angel said:
Here's my latest. I don't know if it's just the practice of writing, but i think they may be getting better each time. I also find myself catching a lot of little things that I could change as I write it. Must be a good sign :D

title:it turns black
bleached white, now just another page;
bleached blood, now we're all the same
and we've bleached the earth,
with our clorox blues;
stenciled-out, stale hues.

but burn it all, and it turns black

pristine chapels and a gospel priest
join the war god in his feast
heaven and hell, mix them, they're grey
all this religious bullshit is gay
Click to expand...

Very cool - there's more excellent emotion and imagery in your writing above. One I would maybe change - but this is just my .02. I would add a middle line to the second "verse" so it matches the structure of the first verse. But that's my structured side coming out. What kind of style are you aiming for - metal/punk/folk/rock/country (j/k). Looking forward to more......
 
I don't know if there would be a name for the style I'd like it to be. I think alot about the structures of different System of a Down songs (which are delectibly complicated and unique sometimes). I was thinking I could repeat that middle *chorus* line, or maybe draw it out real long and add harmonies, maybe a tempo change...you know, make it real fancy :p

*edit* I guess it would be safe to say that it's going to be rock, punkishly-fast, but very emotional at the same time.
 
Here's one I'm currently working on

Miles Gone By

I don't need religeon to understand
And you don't need your momma to hold your hand
And I don't need to tell you what Jesus said
With just an empty heart and an empty bed

Hey yah - you remember the miles gone by
Remember the miles gone by
The miles, the miles, the miles

I'll be your voice when you can't speak
I'll be a rock beneath your feet
a candle in the window to bring you home
or warm your heart when you're alone

Hey yah - you remember the miles gone by
Remember the miles gone by
The miles, the miles, the miles

And you know

You'll find

The way

Forward.


The verse of this song is in 7/4.
 
That's pretty cool, supercreep. If I close my eyes and shut your avatar out of my mind, I can say that it's a very mature song (whatever the hell that means, it's just the word that came to mind :confused: ) Anyway, its cool. :D
 
Grey Angel said:
That's pretty cool, supercreep. If I close my eyes and shut your avatar out of my mind, I can say that it's a very mature song (whatever the hell that means, it's just the word that came to mind :confused: ) Anyway, its cool. :D
Click to expand...


Thanks Grey Angel, the song for me is kind of about pausing to look backward at your life at some critical juncture down the road and finding something in the nostalgia of youth to give you strength to carry on.
 
Posting lyrics is good fun and educational to get good critcism on structure buuuut - I still feel it is half the story! A song must have music and melody etc.... I know of lots of lyrics that in themselves are pretty lame but once put to music seem to take on a life of their own.

But please keep posting! I love reading the lyrics!!
 
I've got a single verse for a moderately fast paced country tune--possibly bluegrass--I just haven't been able to figure out whether to continue with the dance image, or go with other good things about a long-term relationship and bridge them some way:

This ol' bag of bones of mine
Has had some fun, has had some times
Has hit the floor of a dancin' floor or two
Through the dark of the night by the light of the moon
Swingin' around to the fiddler's tunes
And the best times of them all have been with you
 
My Song

Thrash Lyrics by This One Band:

Rollin' is a reflex / syntax of another lover
Candy spillin' on the cover of a lie
And a sweet little treat creampie
So her mother gets excited that I talk so delighted in the way of the walk

Bi*ch you got a problem with me? Got you insanity, what it be?
Run, run, run away now and hide. Cuz' now you know what I'm feelin' inside!
I aint pretty / pretty like a kitty / I walk? NO; I talk? NO and I ain't pretty

Soooo....

Chorus (x8)

{I got me a motherf*ckin stun gun - -}
{And I'm gonna f*ck you up the *ss - }

And it goes on like that. Anyone wanna hear the recorded version?
 
I've had this one in my head for a while so I better write it down before I forget it.

It's kind of a call and retrive thing (Metal I guess)

You run to me
(I run to you)
You scream at me
(I scream at you)
*Sung in iron maiden harmonies
All along we can never be broken.

Kind of lame but hey atleast I contributed to the thread. :D
 
dwarf said:
I've had this one in my head for a while so I better write it down before I forget it.

It's kind of a call and retrive thing (Metal I guess)

You run to me
(I run to you)
You scream at me
(I scream at you)
*Sung in iron maiden harmonies
All along we can never be broken.

Kind of lame but hey atleast I contributed to the thread. :D
Click to expand...

It's good, I like it. I bet it would make for a catchy hook.
 
I should have posted here

Here is a lyric with which I'm not yet comfortable. Any serious advice will be kindly taken. Thanks in advance, Dave.

Where?
c2006 Dave Morehouse - In the Chips Production

Hands in my pockets
Starin' at my shoe
Leanin' on my right leg
Nothin' much to do

Standin' on a street corner
People look at me
I'm not lookin' for trouble
But it always finds me

Where did I go wrong?
Where did I go.....

They call me the wolf
I can't tell you why
I never chased a deer
Not once in my life

They shoot at my head
They shoot at my feet
I swear to God
They want me dancin' in the street

Where did I go wrong?
Where did I go.....

Now that you heard it
You can sing my song
I can't stick around
Probbly die before too long

Don't you cry
Or wail for me
There's a million other kids
Just standin' by the street

Where did they go wrong?
Where did they go.....
 
Kind of a depressing/morbid sounding song....just waiting for him to get shot. I am more of an upbeat kinda guy, but I don't want to say change it into some stupid happy song. That defeats the purpose you started here...

BUT.... I do like the imagery of the first verse very much and the shortness of the lines - quick, snappy and good rhyme. That first verse could jump off in either direction - happy, or as in this case more dark....So the first verse works really well to me...
 
Thanks. You're right. I almost went the happy route while writing but that's the direction I typically travel so I tried to stretch. I still may go back and just keep the first verse. That's kinda what I was looking for in the way of advice from this thread. Dave
 
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