A song about my beliefs... please help!!

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dreamsound2

New member
I've been wanting to do this for a while. I'm trying to write a song about my beliefs tied in to how it all relates to current trends and events (2012, shifting of the ages, the end of the mayan calendar, age of aquarius, 11:11, etc).

Quite the task, impossible to do in one song but at least shed some light?

... or maybe I should just stick to love songs :facepalm:. So anyways, hopefully I won't get slammed too badly here.

My beliefs consist on each of us having an inner knowing, an inner self that is our connection to All that is however you choose to call 'him'. It is our infinite self, our most true self, our small piece of the All, and it knows, what is best for us. It is also our bridge between us and him. This might be your inner knowing” or “your inner voice” perhaps a better description would be “our internal GPS”.

I also feel that we are increasingly moving into a more spiritual era rather than a religious one. The reasoning behind 'becoming one' (in the lyrics below) is that I "feel" in the future a majority of the people will seek answers within themselves rather than in what their families taught them to believe (Religion). And (fingers crossed) what we believe will have a major common ground.

So for example as I finished my first draft of this song, I came a cross a very interesting video that happened to share some of these exact same beliefs (only the first 10-20 minutes though): http://youtu.be/7JV86gpR-gQ

Here is the actual song with the melody and a bunch of babbling (Nothing done to it and raw mix so be sure to turn the volume up):

http://www.mixpod.com/playlist/89148310

With that in mind, here is a draft of the lyrics I have so far for the song. You can follow along 'my babbling' to see how I'm trying to fit these words into the melody:

---------
"TITLE" (IDEAS: 6th Sense, Awakening as One, The Answer lies Within, 11:11, Inner Voice, any ideas?)

Watch the signs
and hear the rhythmic beat
of our hearts
we are awakening
In a world
with a new constellation
spiritual freedom
and no more religions

'Cause
We become the light
We always knew
There's only one way to feel his words
and we become One
Starts with you
Let's begin to rise

(CHORUS)
All the answers
Lie in a place deep inside (is that ok? or should I pick 'hide in a place deep inside')
The bridge between us and him
Search your feelings
You are the only one
I know you know the truth
So me
I am waiting, watching, searching for the truth
The truth
(Can I add an 'I' above and below here? Or should I stick and replace all ' I's ' for 'We'?)

Some people say
that the world will end
I tell them, no
It's a time of rebirth
Some people say
Planet 'X' will crash
What they don't know
is that he will arrive (not sure about this last sentence but can't think of anything else right now)

(Same pre-chorus, maybe I should try to change it a bit so is not repetitive?)
'Cause
We become the light
We always knew
There's only one way to feel his words
and we become One
Starts with you
Let's begin to rise

All the answers
Lie in a place deep inside
The bridge between us and him
Search your feelings
You are the only one
we know you know the truth
So we
We are waiting, watching, searching for Him

BRIDGE

We know that
You'll be alone
But nothing changes when you are strong
So Maybe
You'll be ok
But nothing will be the same

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

CHORUS-OUTRO
--------------------

[I don't like the "'cause" too much, but I can't think of a word to use in order to hit the note I need to hit and I don't want to say 'oh' and the 'and' is already taken (..and no more religion, and we become the light). Please let me know if the " 'Cause" does bother you or sounds out-of-place]

Please send me some guidance!! Fire away!!
 
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Dreamsound2, To be honest, if the track remains much like the audio you have linked it won't matter too much about what the lyrics are because a large percentage of the words are lost in the production. There are a whole load of words that can replace "cause" without sending the melody out of key, maybe you are trying too hard to think of one and making that process difficult for your self? The balance with this kind of subject is to stay the right side of being preachy, total respect for your beliefs by the way, albeit that I personally find your rendition a touch naive in its approach. I think you have an opportunity here to have some interesting lines. When I read the text prior to the lyrics, the billing actually says things in a more appealing way than the lines in the song and I'm wondering why you have not put those elements into your lyrics? I quite like the Linkin Park kind of feel to the song and think that with an unassuming catchy set of words you'd have a piece which is in some ways compelling. There is a contrast here, you "feel" in text above the song and I'm guessing you you carefully pitched your request for feedback out of a sense of not wanting to come across in a "telly" kind of way. Maybe that could work in the song too?

I think you have to be commended for having the conviction to put your beliefs up here in the form of your song, and although I personally have a few issues with your execution, my intention is to come across as constructive and not simply ripping chunks out of your lines for the badness of it. "no religions" is a very John Lennon kind of statement, in fact almost a direct quote. I don't personally have a religion but can easily see that you might find yourself at odds with folk that are, I think you might have to have some concrete unmistakable evidence like the human road map suddenly and unexpectedly written across the screen of a monitor, freshly deciphered from markers in the human genome before you sweep away a whole bundle of beliefs which have been passed down through generations. You present no evidence which I find surprising when you could have made the lines very topical based upon current events which clearly show it's not a great outlook. If you seriously want to put across your points you need clear statements which people can find empathy with. You can then offer your parallels in a more convincing way. You'll get out of this song exactly what you put into it, stretch your self some more and you might well find the break from writing romantic ditties a rewarding tangent. Your subject has massive scope for some great material to be included which could lift your lyrics and reward you for the additional digging into your self that might well yield some additional authority with which your voice can deliver the beliefs you hold and apparently feel compelled to share. I hope this helps as that is the spirit in which I write. Certainly in my opinion you have something worth developing, good luck.

All the best

Tim
 
Tim, I actually agree completely with you except for one sentence (I'll get back to that). Basically, I didn't want to come across as 'telly' and I do want to shape the song in a way that reflects a more open mind. Presenting possibilities and encouraging ourselves to listen from within rather than telling. The 'religion' statement is a strong one and I should seek other ways of presenting that statement. I don't think it requires unmistakable evidence, as you mentioned, John Lennon didn't and he didn't (for the most part) get 'penalized' for a strong statement like that in 'Imagine'. However, I do agree that I would (get penalized) for whatever reasons, and there again, I do agree with you.

This is a mere draft and I was looking forward to this feedback. I don't understand the first sentence, "if the track remains much like the audio you have linked it won't matter too much about what the lyrics are because a large percentage of the words are lost in the production." Like I said this is just a draft, why wouldn't it matter what the lyrics are? The whole point is to change the lyrics to reflect the intended message and the wording can be changed. Are you suggesting a different melody?

Thanks again for taking the time to read and write all of it!
 
I think I probably misunderstood how much of a draft this is :-) in my defense I hadn't been out of bed long or touched a guitar so probably me being a bit dense. Yes it obviously does matter what the lyrics are but they must be understandable, and yes I do believe I misconstrued your purpose in having a vocal on your track, I now appreciate what I missed in the first read, the grey stuff is up to speed. The melody seems fine and I do actually think you have something here which is why I commented, so good luck with the song. I look forward to seeing how it develops and promise to have my caffeine and nicotine levels suitably served when I next check out how you are going with it. Yes bold statements are good, original bold statements are better ;-)

all the best

Tim
 
Phrasemaker said:
I think I probably misunderstood how much of a draft this is :-) in my defense I hadn't been out of bed long or touched a guitar so probably me being a bit dense. Yes it obviously does matter what the lyrics are but they must be understandable, and yes I do believe I misconstrued your purpose in having a vocal on your track, I now appreciate what I missed in the first read, the grey stuff is up to speed. The melody seems fine and I do actually think you have something here which is why I commented, so good luck with the song. I look forward to seeing how it develops and promise to have my caffeine and nicotine levels suitably served when I next check out how you are going with it. Yes bold statements are good, original bold statements are better ;-)

all the best

Tim
Click to expand...


Thanks Tim, and I will post my progress as it develops all the way to the final song. I think you hit the nail with bold statements are good, original bold statements are better!!

I also think the word we were looking for is not 'telly' but 'preachy.' I feel like it sounds a bit like a rock christian song with these lyrics and like I'm preaching to the audience.
 
Sometimes I think that songs "with a message" like this come across a whole lot better if they hint around a little more and a little less say it directly. make me wonder a little bit, because if you can do that, you'll soon have me investigating WTF you're talking about. It's somewhat about intriguing people.

But that's kind of an intellectual approach.
 
david42 said:
Sometimes I think that songs "with a message" like this come across a whole lot better if they hint around a little more and a little less say it directly. make me wonder a little bit, because if you can do that, you'll soon have me investigating WTF you're talking about. It's somewhat about intriguing people.

But that's kind of an intellectual approach.
Click to expand...

I agree.
You're attempting to deal with the subject in absolutes, and it just won't work for 99.99999% of the people in the world since we all have a different perspective of spirituality, philosophy, and/or religion.

Every generation goes through periods of introspection on the subject of spirituality, religion, humanism, and "God" themes, and no one has the answer, or ever will.
Proclaiming absolutes only alienates the majority of the listening audience.
"Him"?
Why not "Her", or "It" or "Them"?
What of polytheism? Are the Hindus wrong?
What about atheists? Are they wrong?
If the universe is a closed system, does entropy reign supreme?

All we CAN know is that we DON'T know. ;-)

While I appreciate a person wanting to hash out these conundrums for themselves, it's just a bunch of dime store philosophies that mean nothing because our lives are too small and too brief to ever be able to see any "big picture", if there is even a big picture to see.

These antiquated notions only serve to justify our foibles, and grant succor in the face of humanity's mortality (eternal life after death, eternal reward, eternal punishment, heaven/hell, or merely existing as a tiny point of consciousness in the Cosmos, etc. etc).

This song says most of what you are trying to say, and it does it in less than 90-seconds:

==========
This is it;
this is it.
This is life,
the one you get,
so go and have a ball!

This is it;
this is it,
straight ahead,
and rest assured,
you can't be sure at all.

So, while you're here,
enjoy the view;
keep on doing what you do.
Hold on tight;
we'll muddle through,
one day at a time,
one day at a time!

So, up on your feet;
up on your feet;
somewhere there's music playing.
Don't you worry none,
just take it like it comes,

one day at a time, one day at a time,
one day at a time, one day at a time,
one day at a time, one day at a time,
one day at a time!
==========

Trite, but true (?): who knows?
Most every generation thinks that the end is nigh, but is it?
How long is nigh?
Is the end actually "The End"?

I don't want to discourage you from continuing on developing your song, because it's more important for YOU to cogitate on your place and purpose in the universe, and you might even positively impact someone else who is wondering about it all, whether it affirms their beliefs, or confirms their skepticism.
But your "inner knowing" isn't a truth, it's just supposition based on too little evidence to make any of it plausible.

Not that anyone cares (or should care), but I was raised in a heavy duty catholic family (one uncle is a priest, and one aunt is a nun): but I turned away from religion after a few N.D.E. experiences that left me doubting the existence of any god, or cosmological consciousness.
But I still don't "KNOW" that one, or the other, or nothing exists after it's over, or if our "souls/spirits/consciouses" are recycled/reborn or go on to exist in a "perfect" heaven or suffer unimaginably in some sort of hell, or rejoin the cosmos so it can understand itself better.
All I can hope for is to try to be as good a Human Being as I can be for the short duration of my life, and hope others will do the same.
If there is a reward or punishment for my actions, so be it, as I have no control over that.

We all suffer in the same ways, and there is no point in transferring suffering to others other than to bring them down into the pits of despair we sometimes find ourselves in.

With all that gobble-dee-gook I just wrote, I would (sincerely) like to thank you for having the courage to put yourself out there in such a way, and I do hope you follow through on your project.

***EDIT: I'd rather you write a song like the one you're working on than writing another "silly love song": I prefer Lennon over McCartney. ;-)
 
There are different kinds of songwriters writing different kinds of songs invoking different strengths at particular junctures in their lives. This comes into sharp focus when the light is shone on lyricists.
Some lyricists have a wonderful way with words, they're able to weave the most gorgeous lyrical pictures within the music in such a way that you never really think what the song may be about, even though it may be on some really deep subject. Others are more matter of fact and not so skilled at getting in heavy duty points and so can come across as preachy.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter either way. Artists have those that like their music and if you like a particular singer or band, you'll listen to whatever they have to say, even if you utterly disagree with their point of view.
In a thread somewhere else, Vomithatsteve made a priceless point in which he said that for him, music and those that write songs covers the whole of life and with that in mind, the important and trivial matters will be covered.
So knock out what you happen to believe. They might make great songs, they might not. As a christian, I don't believe that we can never know the answers. I do believe that attempting to persuade others through song to see your truth or adopt your viewpoint is naive and a forlorn hope although it does occasionally happen. Because God is a major part of my life, that is sometimes reflected in my songs. But getting sacked from jobs, failed past relationships, parenthood, friends and enemies, politics, childhood and many other things are too. Sometimes upfront, sometimes obliquely. But if I have something to say in a song, I'm not going to hold back from saying it just because lots of people might not like the message. How people respond to a song is out of the hands of the artists.
That said, my thing is that a song first and foremost must be good and sound good, regardless of the lyric.
 
dreamsound2,
I've been lucky enough to hear the music of Phrasemaker & Grimtraveller & can tell you they write terrific songs so you should consider, seriously, their opinions.
I haven't read or heard the work of the otehr folk so can't commend them at this stage though they seem to be on decent lines of thought.
For my part when I read lyrics I get picky about petty things like your use of:
rhythmic beat
To my mind it's an unnecessary duplication - & whilst I know that they aren't the same thing I also know that one often subsumes the other depending on the intent of the line.
Write about yolur believes as obviously, obscurely, as cryptically or as metaphorically as you're comfortable with. THEN read the lyric again a few weeks/months later and find out whether you're comfortable with what you wrote. I'm not suggesting that your beliefs will change merely that your perspective on what was written will have.
 
Your views about the world are very similar to that of Baba Ram Dass and Dan Millman, I'd check some of their stuff for additional inspiration
 
There's only one way to feel his words doesn't sound like spiritual freedom and no more religions, it sounds like one specific religion is the only way to find your "truth"

Just sounds a little hypocritical
 
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