A side project with my 12 yr old daughter...help!

F

Fat_Satchel

I suffer Narcoleptic Rage
Not nearly as easy to write for a female voice as I thought it would be. Im looking for outside opinion on this rough start...

Its over very sparse acoustic picking, the whole vibe leans toward very little arrangement but I think it needs a bridge (and cant come up with one musically!! argh!)



The Other Day

I don’t mind
If you’re doing fine
That’s all right
It’s not a crime
If you’ve got the time
Can we sit a while?
And talk about the smiles we use to share

It was just the other day I got over you
It was just the other day I got over you

Is she nice?
Does she treat you right?
Do you guys fight?
Just to make up all night
Does she mess up your hair?
Like I use to do
And tell you “you’re so cool” when you’re a fool

It was just the other day I got over you
It was just the other day I got over you

Me, I’m ok
I’ve got a new life
A guy that I like
Yea, I’m doing fine
It’s nice that you asked
So nice you care
Most nights I don’t mind that you’re not there

It was just the other day I got over you
It was just the other day I got over you
 
wakeupbomb said:
This song is for a 12 year old?
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My thoughts exactly! When the Spice Girls were big my daughter was about six - hearing her sing "If you wanna be my lover" was a bit surreal to put it mildly :eek:

Not a bad set of lyrics but far too many rhymes, IMHO. Also I think that the "It was just..." couplet needs two more lines, to balance it and also you could use them to strengthen the "twist" a little.
 
Leanne Rimes was only what, 14 when she started out? Her biggest critics were blasting her for singing the songs she did because "what does a 14 year old girl know about these things?" In this day and age, a lot more than we think they do. As far as your lyrics, I agree with Garry with the "It was just..." lines. Too abrupt. Is that your chorus?
 
bah! you guys are either too old and senile to remember being 12 or you grew up very sheltered...hehehehehe

Really though this is so utterly mild compared to some of the filth thats called pop music on MTV...as Cedric The Entertainer said; "ya gotta wear a condom just to listen to some of the music today".

In my own parental defense...I prefer an open, honest approach so she knows she can talk to me about anything rather that act shocked when reality rears its ugly head to shatter my denial.

As for the lyrics...thanks for the input! much appreciated, this is something new for me and not easy. I didnt write it intending for things to rhyme...the the way the story flowed...it is rather sing songy, theres a couple spots i can revamp to eliminate some rhyme.

The chorus line "It was just the other day I got over you" has been changed to a backrgound harmony line to accompany these two lines, sort of a two-part harmony

It was so nice to see you
We should keep in touch

I had to take advice here and fill out the chorus...is it still too abrupt?

Thanks for the crits!
 
I think it will work. Post an MP3 when it's done so we can hear it. Can't really say too much about the lyrics until I hear them within the context of the song!
 
My five year old daughter would run around singing, "My baby does the hanky panky", I found her another song to sing.
 
dragonworks said:
My five year old daughter would run around singing, "My baby does the hanky panky", I found her another song to sing.
Click to expand...
I gave my daughter barney videos (and now I regret it, I hate that "I love you" song, to get her away from singing Britney songs. And she's only 3! I told my wife she is banned from playing that crap in front of my daughter. Of course it was funny when she was prancing around the house singing "oops I did it again" and she was talking about FARTING REALLY LOUD! :eek:
 
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