A Guide For the Old Guitarist

Flamin Lip

New member
I wrote a guide to help out people that have been playing guitar too long.
I hope everyone likes my guide...........



If you have been a dedicated guitarist for more than a decade, dont give up. Your local mom-n-pop store has recorders on sale for $5.99. Trust me.... they will intonate much better than your 80's strat that youve "been meaning to refret for decades."

As for the tight relationship that youve developed with Johnny Shredder at the local music store, FORGET IT. You can save at least 20% by buying online. Who cares if youve never touched the actual guitar, I am certain that it will be every bit as good as the one ya got your paw prints all over at the local show room. After all, quality control in Asia is outstanding, and they are all made from wood from the same forest right?

In regard to the price point of a good instrument, a $350 Ibanez guitar can sound just as sweet as a $2000 HD28. This is a FACT!!!! Who cares if this guitar is going to inspire you every time you pull it from the case. Inspiration is overrated and its all about the tone.. right? After all, we are old, we arent supposed to be turned on by that sweet case smell that emanates from guitars built in Nazareth.

Tone knobs.... hmmmmmmm..... where do I start? I went the first 15 years of my guitardom without touchin the thing. Then I realized that in a group setting, it was more valueble than the volume knob. But alas, I am jaded and I have decided to go back to my old ways and just turn it up louder during our jams. I am presently replacing every tone pot on all of my guitars into an EXTRA volume knob. More is more.... right?

As far a set ups go, I have become pretty competent in setting up my gear, but with age comes lethargy. So I have decided to take that guy up on Cragslist who does "outstanding work" for only $19. Granted, i have never met the guy, but he assures me that his credentials are impeccable.

An another note, due to my advanced years, I have decided that it is time to get away from trying to create a unique group with an interesting slant. I have decided that the Wed. night "Blues Jam" with free franks and beans is prolly about as far out as I will get anymore, so I am breaking my lease on my rehearsal garage and headin down early before the free food disappears.

So chin up Oldsters! You can still be happy as a musician heading into your twilight years!!!!

:) :) :) :) :)
 
What bullshit! First of all, it has nothing to do with how they sound or play, it's about how much they cost! Didn't your momma raise you right? First, how do you expect to get laid by some 16 year old babysitter when you play a Rogue? Besides, when your wife catches you, she'll get the Mercedes in the settlement, but only the babysitter will know what your Parker is worth. Listen, you've busted your balls at a regular day job for 40+ years because you were never good enough to be a rock 'n roll star, and you didn't do it so you could end up being buried with a goddamned Squier!

So get your ass out their and buy that damned Collings, the '36 Martin, and a '63 Les Paul. You're going to die of AIDS from that slut of a babysitter anyway. Why not have a little fun first?-Richie
 
So I have decided to take that guy up on Cragslist who does "outstanding work" for only $19. Granted, i have never met the guy, but he assures me that his credentials are impeccable.

You don't need to pay someone, just do it yourself its real easy. All you need is a file and some sandpaper. Its actually more fun than playing...

I love to sit for hours on end, filing frets and sanding off decals to slap on a new "Fender 57 Relic" decal. Damn, I'm getting the urge right now to go file on some frets....I don't even care what guitar I file on.
 
How did you know about my 80's strat??? Actually, it is going to the luthiers tomorrow. Not to be fixed but as a model for my NEW m/m neck that will go on my frankenstrat. I want it to feel as comfortable and friendly as my 80's MIJ strat....meet my new best friend...lol
 
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Mate,
You must have been either drunk or looking for trouble when you posted this bollocks.
Who cares if youve never touched the actual guitar?
You have to be a fucking knitwit to buy one without playing it first. They ALL sound different.
Who cares if this guitar is going to inspire you every time you pull it from the case.
I do. Being inspired is surely the basic reason most people enjoy playing.
Tone knobs? Personally I think they are the weakest link in the whole eq chain from guitar to speaker cab.
Good luck in the garage mate.
Mike.
 
Mate,
You must have been either drunk or looking for trouble when you posted this bollocks.
Who cares if youve never touched the actual guitar?
You have to be a fucking knitwit to buy one without playing it first. They ALL sound different.
Who cares if this guitar is going to inspire you every time you pull it from the case.
I do. Being inspired is surely the basic reason most people enjoy playing.
Tone knobs? Personally I think they are the weakest link in the whole eq chain from guitar to speaker cab.
Good luck in the garage mate.
Mike.

Mike, I can't remember when I've laughed so hard. It really sucks when you're out of the loop.

Mike, let me introduce you to "loop." Loop, meet Mike.
 
JTC,
Hahaha. Duly noted. I need to spend less work time working and more time surfing.
Mike

I especially like the part where you called him a "fucking knitwit." And the "good luck in the garage" line was a great close. That is some funny shit!!!
 
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