200 lashes

The chorus works better than the verse vocally - I understand the value of having both genders representing the position but the chorus vocal works better.
The intro guitar could be hotter.
I like this - the spoken part seems a little whiney in tone - the words are stronger than that & the delivery of the last few syllables bear that out.
On a thematic level the chorus & verse lash as the male voice declaims the religion and the female one the personal power politics. I'd substitute "in the name of your religion" for "your religion" as it clarifies the position.
Good song, good to have the topic treated by rock which itself has been known for abuse of power in relationships. AGITROCK lives!
 
rayc said:
The chorus works better than the verse vocally - I understand the value of having both genders representing the position but the chorus vocal works better.
The intro guitar could be hotter.
I like this - the spoken part seems a little whiney in tone - the words are stronger than that & the delivery of the last few syllables bear that out.
On a thematic level the chorus & verse lash as the male voice declaims the religion and the female one the personal power politics. I'd substitute "in the name of your religion" for "your religion" as it clarifies the position.
Good song, good to have the topic treated by rock which itself has been known for abuse of power in relationships. AGITROCK lives!
Click to expand...

thanks Rayc :)

no one has comments on the mix?
 
Nicole_Rose said:
thanks Rayc :)

no one has comments on the mix?
Click to expand...

I commented in the songwriting forum-it sounds quite a lot better than some of the earlier mixes and vocals have turned out a lot better. I especially liked the Goddess's tone on the outro solo!!!;)
 
I've arrived late to listen. Sorry, Nicole. It's quite good. Is this a new band effort?
 
60's guy said:
I've arrived late to listen. Sorry, Nicole. It's quite good. Is this a new band effort?
Click to expand...

thanks randy :)

this is an effort that i'm making with various people. my sister angie on vocals,darrel on vocals, me on bass and guitars. Bentrabbit on drums. :) and i wrote it with a little help from my gf kim.
 
I left a few comments in the Songwriting Forum. I wanted to add here that the collaboration turned out well, the mix is good to my ears...
 
I'm really digging the guitars all over this. It's a cool-riff assault.

I don't know if I can explain this properly, but it almost seems like the male vocal part (verse?) should be a little angrier and the female voice (chorus?) can be a little less in-your-face. Maybe double the female voice part, so that it makes more of a statement. (If anyone asks, tell them the 2 parts are the girl and her mother:D ) But I'm the last person that should be giving advice on vocals. :eek:
 
RAMI said:
I'm really digging the guitars all over this. It's a cool-riff assault.

I don't know if I can explain this properly, but it almost seems like the male vocal part (verse?) should be a little angrier and the female voice (chorus?) can be a little less in-your-face. Maybe double the female voice part, so that it makes more of a statement. (If anyone asks, tell them the 2 parts are the girl and her mother:D ) But I'm the last person that should be giving advice on vocals. :eek:
Click to expand...

thanks for listening RAMI. i'm glad you dig it. and i think you're right about the male vocal. and if the male vocal was a bit angrier the female vocal wouldn't stand out as much i think.
 
I like the guitars too.

I think the vocal line should jump up a third or so half way through each verse - or add a harmony at this point.

Doubling up the vocal line on the chorus would sound great.

The female voice is very compelling and has a nice smoky quality to it - until the spoken word portion. Then she sounds whiny and pleading. :confused:

I don't know how to explain it, but there is a way for her to deliver this as spoken word and make it stick.



This isn't it.

I'm thinking early Perry Farrell or Rollins if you want to see what I mean. Wendy O' could nail that to the wall. It's that the voice doesn't match the words.

You are making great strides. Keep it up.
 
thanks supercreep :) i think i know what you mean about the vocals. to put a point on it, they are too dramatic not enough spine in them.
 
Nicole_Rose said:
thanks supercreep :) i think i know what you mean about the vocals. to put a point on it, they are too dramatic not enough spine in them.
Click to expand...


Exactly. If you ever got to saying that to somebody, it surely wouldn't be using that voice. More like hair-on-fire pissed off if you ask me.
 
thanks for all the replies guys, both here and in the songwriting forum. does anyone have anything to add?
 
Wow...

This has come a looong way from the scratch track you sent... Good job kiddo! :)

Your guitars are sounding incredible and I really like the overall mix

Remember us when you're famous, 'K?

;)
 
BentRabbit said:
Wow...

This has come a looong way from the scratch track you sent... Good job kiddo! :)

Your guitars are sounding incredible and I really like the overall mix

Remember us when you're famous, 'K?

;)
Click to expand...

thanks, but i couldn't have done it without you rabbit :) thanks a lot. :)
 
I'm real late to the listening party. Typing as I listen:

I love the guitars--starting on the left then adding the right. The two guitar lines work great together.

That's your sister on the female vox? (As opposed the male vox :D) Wow--can I borrow her for some work someday--love that voice.

I agree with what others have said about the spoken vocal.

Back to the guitars--nice gritty tone and great classic rock tone on the solo--nice playing on the solo too.

As far as the mix--I think you nailed the levels; everything has it's place and can be heard. I always listen for the bass on a mix--that's the hard part for lots folks (me included) but you've got it sitting just right here.

Yep, I like this one...
 
WhiteStrat said:
I'm real late to the listening party. Typing as I listen:

I love the guitars--starting on the left then adding the right. The two guitar lines work great together.

That's your sister on the female vox? (As opposed the male vox :D) Wow--can I borrow her for some work someday--love that voice.

I agree with what others have said about the spoken vocal.

Back to the guitars--nice gritty tone and great classic rock tone on the solo--nice playing on the solo too.

As far as the mix--I think you nailed the levels; everything has it's place and can be heard. I always listen for the bass on a mix--that's the hard part for lots folks (me included) but you've got it sitting just right here.

Yep, I like this one...
Click to expand...

thanks a lot whitestrat :) i am glad you like it. the guitar sound is partly thanks to true who kept telling me that she didn't like my guitar sound. so i played with my stupid solid state marshall and effects processor again and again until she said, ya i like that lol. and now i've messed it all up lol. oh well i'll find it again :)

i don't know that my sister would have much time. right now she's working 3 jobs and taking care of a sick boyfriend. she hasn't done a track for me in over two months. but i'll mention it to her for sure :)

thanks again. i'm hoping to get it on the radio.:)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top