200 lashes

Nicole_Rose

Nicole_Rose

Great White North Girl
i haven't posted in a while. i've been working on a few songs. this is one of my recent songs. it's probably the best one i've written.

here's a link and the lyrics.

http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?id=13558

verse 1

200 lashes for the victim of a gang rape
and all because she tried to stand up for herself
6 months in prison for the victim of a gang rape
aren't you afraid that God will send you down to hell
where is compassion in this merciful religion
or was your heart cut out when you were just a child
i know that you think that allah smiles on your religion
how can that be when your men act like they're wild.

chorus

it's not about morality it's not about religion
it's about power and control
don't you see your fear is making you into a monster
why don't you just learn to let it go

what are you afraid of that you must enslave your women
how come you're thinking that you even have the right
you even feel that you must punish her defenders
what's it gonna take for you to see the light
what makes you think that you must squash all opposition
what's in their way of thought that makes you so afraid
where is your empathy for what this girl has suffered
she is the victim and she has been betrayed

chorus

bridge

all i wanted was fair treatment and some empathy
and that justice could for once be on my side
what i got was symptomatic of society
male domination of my female pride
state sponsored slavery and masculine supremacy
why do you hate me that you must have such control
what threat am i that i can't have equal treatment
lift this veil cause it's smothering my soul

chorus

let me know what you all think:)
 
Good song and message, Nicole.

I'm sickened each time I read stories about women being raped in Muslim countries and then punished as if they did something wrong.

Joseph (icystorm)
 
Nicole,
I commented in the MP3 clinic but will reiterate the thoughts re lyrics:
a) GOOD
b) the 1st verse contradicts the chorus re religion. The former takes a swipe at the religion where as the chorus, more correctly, attacks the cultural/gender/personal/power politics that uses the religion as its excuse.
In the interests of universality I think you could tidy that up fairly easily by modifying those 2 lines with something like...
Where is the compassion in your take on religion?
Do you think god smiles when you pollute the basis of your faith?
You don't need to water down the message - just aim it more directly.
A patriarchal and abusive stance has been a significant and long lasting part of almost all religions at some stage in their developement - usually when they mixed state & church in the grab for greater control. A few have moved beyond it, more have tidied up their public act but the philosophy remains intact.
I like the song a lot but those little things did made me wince.
 
That was pretty good.

I don't see the contradiction rayc was talking about. I'd say it's more that the lyrics (as is) capture the dichotomy of using religion for selfish means. Many people who do so are convinced that they are doing the correct thing.

The verse points out the internal inconsistencies of using religion to hurt people, and the chorus says that the meta-reason is not religous at all.

As to the music. I thought the bridge sounded a little goofy. (I'm assuming you are not actually an oppressed muslim woman; if you are, you can ignore this paragraph.) It seems that by singing the first person like that, you are attempting to sympathize more than you really can as someone who has not experienced your subject matter personally.

Some of the guitars sounded like they were panned farther left than they needed to be.

Again, good song. Your voice on the chorus sounded really good.
 
icystorm said:
Good song and message, Nicole.

I'm sickened each time I read stories about women being raped in Muslim countries and then punished as if they did something wrong.

Joseph (icystorm)
Click to expand...

thanks joseph :) ya it was that sense of sickening anger that inspired the song
 
rayc said:
Nicole,
I commented in the MP3 clinic but will reiterate the thoughts re lyrics:
a) GOOD
b) the 1st verse contradicts the chorus re religion. The former takes a swipe at the religion where as the chorus, more correctly, attacks the cultural/gender/personal/power politics that uses the religion as its excuse.
In the interests of universality I think you could tidy that up fairly easily by modifying those 2 lines with something like...
Where is the compassion in your take on religion?
Do you think god smiles when you pollute the basis of your faith?
You don't need to water down the message - just aim it more directly.
A patriarchal and abusive stance has been a significant and long lasting part of almost all religions at some stage in their developement - usually when they mixed state & church in the grab for greater control. A few have moved beyond it, more have tidied up their public act but the philosophy remains intact.
I like the song a lot but those little things did made me wince.
Click to expand...

thanks for listening ray :) i'm really glad you liked it and you've mentioned some things i hadn't thought of.

the line "where is compassion in your merciful religion", stems in part from what they say themselves. i have heard them claim that their brand of islam is merciful and compassionate. i dedided to hoist them up by their own petard. or hang em by their own claims. i really appreciate the listen and i'll think about what you said :)
 
Good one Nicole... I applaud your choice of topic and the writing of your thoughts. I'll listen a bit later when I get a chance at home.... :cool:
 
VomitHatSteve said:
That was pretty good.

I don't see the contradiction rayc was talking about. I'd say it's more that the lyrics (as is) capture the dichotomy of using religion for selfish means. Many people who do so are convinced that they are doing the correct thing.

The verse points out the internal inconsistencies of using religion to hurt people, and the chorus says that the meta-reason is not religous at all.

As to the music. I thought the bridge sounded a little goofy. (I'm assuming you are not actually an oppressed muslim woman; if you are, you can ignore this paragraph.) It seems that by singing the first person like that, you are attempting to sympathize more than you really can as someone who has not experienced your subject matter personally.

Some of the guitars sounded like they were panned farther left than they needed to be.

Again, good song. Your voice on the chorus sounded really good.
Click to expand...

hey that's cool that you got it like that. it's what i meant. :)

and i know i'm not an oppressed muslim woman, so i see your point, but they are my sisters and when one woman is oppressed so are we all. a muslim friend thought it was really good and didn't mention the first person thing.

i don't know about the pan. you're probably right. wanted separation in them and some kind of balance between them. i'll do better next time :)
 
Nicole_Rose said:
hey that's cool that you got it like that. it's what i meant. :)

and i know i'm not an oppressed muslim woman, so i see your point, but they are my sisters and when one woman is oppressed so are we all. a muslim friend thought it was really good and didn't mention the first person thing.

i don't know about the pan. you're probably right. wanted separation in them and some kind of balance between them. i'll do better next time :)
Click to expand...

I agree. You don't have to kill yourself to write a tune about suicide. Neither do you have to be tortured to feel empathy for those who are. The lyrics for this song stand well by themselves with or without the music. That is the mark of a good tune. Nice effort. ;)
 
don't take this as a personal attack it's honesty

This is only my opinion, but I think this song is awful & I can't believe all the rave reviews :confused:. It's not the way to help someone. There are some good points, it's a catchy tune & its a descent mix with good instrumental performances but the lyrics are so bad. They are too contrived & self indulgent, my initial thoughts were that the song was a humourous piece, kind of like something you'd hear in southpark.

No offence intended, my opinion is only one opinion & you seem to have more people applauding so perhaps it's me thats wrong. But I wouldn't like to think people are being untruthful. I'm being honest that's all. Wth respect :)
 
Come on

Lads do you not think this is pretty sick? I just noticed the original poster was female, what is the ratio of boys Vs girls on home recording bbs? Not many girls eh? I think I've found a motive :rolleyes: honesty is important try and use the thing between your ears instead of the thing between your legs lads :rolleyes:
 
orson198305 said:
Lads do you not think this is pretty sick? I just noticed the original poster was female, what is the ratio of boys Vs girls on home recording bbs? Not many girls eh? I think I've found a motive :rolleyes: honesty is important try and use the thing between your ears instead of the thing between your legs lads :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

I disagree - but I respect your opinion and I encourage you to express yours. I still haven't listened to the recording so I'm going just on lyrics. This strikes me as a protest type song...one with a strong message. Protesting abuse. I guess they could be compared to lots of bands who write like that. Let's see, maybe Dylan, HR's own Rayc and Terry, some of the folkie writers, maybe like Sarah McLaughlin. Not like Britney or Shania. Lots of similar artists but this is pretty original theme - can't say I've heard anything related to this yet....
 
Nicole_Rose said:
and i know i'm not an oppressed muslim woman, so i see your point, but they are my sisters and when one woman is oppressed so are we all. a muslim friend thought it was really good and didn't mention the first person thing.
Click to expand...

That is a good point.

Maybe it's not even the first person thing; maybe it's the vocal tone, but something just doesn't sit right with the bridge.

Orson: huh? I'm a little insulted that you'd assume that we're being complimentary to impress a woman most of us probably don't even really know.

I actually usually review people's songs this way. Say something good about it; say what could be improved; end on a high note.
 
marry-an-aguana is the key everyone, we're all buddies here, I can see!!

I'm a little insulted that you'd assume that we're being complimentary to impress a woman most of us probably don't even really know
Click to expand...

Man, I do that every day. So if you can't find me anywhere your all fine to work under that very assuption with regard to my elsewhere activities :D
 
up-fiddler said:
I agree. You don't have to kill yourself to write a tune about suicide. Neither do you have to be tortured to feel empathy for those who are. The lyrics for this song stand well by themselves with or without the music. That is the mark of a good tune. Nice effort. ;)
Click to expand...

thank you :)
 
VomitHatSteve said:
That is a good point.

Maybe it's not even the first person thing; maybe it's the vocal tone, but something just doesn't sit right with the bridge.

Orson: huh? I'm a little insulted that you'd assume that we're being complimentary to impress a woman most of us probably don't even really know.

I actually usually review people's songs this way. Say something good about it; say what could be improved; end on a high note.
Click to expand...

the bridge might be overly dramatic. that could be what you are hearing.
 
Finally got a chance to listen....

1) I like the musical background, it's solid and interesting. It thought it was a wee bit compressed, just MHO...still sounded good though...
2) The melody on the verse is not my favorite - except the end portion which has more energy, variety and is just generally cooler.:cool:
3) The chorus is good - that's more of what I'd like in the verse, just some more NRG and variety note-wise.

I like the overall song, and I applaud your choice of topic. That's what songwriting is meant to do sometimes, address controversial topics. Sort of reminiscent of the 60's where people spoke out about things....

Good job....two thumbs up...

PS - Love the guitar playing.....is that your Gibson? :cool:
 
ido1957 said:
Finally got a chance to listen....

1) I like the musical background, it's solid and interesting. It thought it was a wee bit compressed, just MHO...still sounded good though...
2) The melody on the verse is not my favorite - except the end portion which has more energy, variety and is just generally cooler.:cool:
3) The chorus is good - that's more of what I'd like in the verse, just some more NRG and variety note-wise.

I like the overall song, and I applaud your choice of topic. That's what songwriting is meant to do sometimes, address controversial topics. Sort of reminiscent of the 60's where people spoke out about things....

Good job....two thumbs up...

PS - Love the guitar playing.....is that your Gibson? :cool:
Click to expand...

thanks ido :) yes it is my goddess. :)
 
I can recall some of the earlier versions and this song is coming along very nicely-is you're sister trading off with you on some of the verses? Getting a cool polished sound from it now, fine sounds from the Goddess too--very good!!!
 
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