departure from the norm with "set me free"

I might push the guitar back a little bit. The image seems a little narrow, I might pan things a little harder, see how that sounds.

Something about the vocal seems kind of lo-fi/grainy (maybe just recorded that way?), I might try just a little chorus or something to try to thicken it up a bit.
 
I sort of like it. It's got the foundation of something better though. The synth and the vocal don't always match in tempo and sometimes that's ok but with so little in the composition it stands out a bit and is clumsy in parts. It could use a bass track to help pull it together........and perhaps some light percussion. The guitar is fine and the vocals are ok........but the tune sort of just drones on a bit and could use some better dynamics or better bridge or both. Consider writing in a part that takes the song our of it's groove and then brings it back. Of course........this is just my 2 cents.
 
I got the same impressions as them ^^^. Some drums and bass coming in for the 2nd verse would keep it from getting tedious. The little synth-string accent in verse 3 hints at a change but then doesn't go anywhere. Did you add some kind of preamp VST on the mic, or is it your room sound?
 
Thank you all for your observations and input. It is very welcomed. Yes, you are all correct about the vocals having a "grainy" sound. After I posted it here I played that mix in my car and my first words were "it sounds like it was recorded thru a XXXXX funnel". I have since corrected that. I realized I was twisting the wrong knob on the effects strip for the vocals. I also brought down the guitar both in volume and brightness to mellow it out a bit. That improved the over all mix balance...but it didn't do much for the material itself.:wtf: Yeah, it's kinda draggy and needs help. Not sure what yet, but it definitely needs a tune up. It sounded like a good idea while I was working on it but after hearing it put together it was obvious it still needs something......but at least now I have a starting place. The learning curve on song writing has always been steep for me so I keep trying.

thanks again for your help. It is much appreciated.
 
FWIW I think the song is really cool, I really enjoy when people experiment with uncommon mixes or arrangements. You got a gift for good melodies too.
 
Some great ideas - the naivety of the lyric is sweet. ?...You set me free" really sets up for a big burst of colour and sound as does the accented string part. I think it's cool to defy expectations but you do it a few times with the same part so it eventually becomes the expectation.
 
hi moptop. The problem for me was the lyrics were so corny/cliche. i don't know if you want comments on that type of thing or just the mix. the mix sounds pretty good to me and the sounds are mostly pleasing.

i agree with others that there's some kind of phasing issue on the vocal, the arrangement gets repetitive, needs some dynamics. But, if the lyrics were better, I would deal with all that. Also, I think the tempo might be a hair slow because you're dragging some of the words. If you love it and it feels complete keep it as is, but if you're open to changing things around those are the things I'd focus on.
 
Thanks everyone for your comments. I am happy to hear others opinions on what would help. Now I have not heard "cups and cakes" by Spinal Tap but I will go listen to it. When I first recorded this song I did it with acoustic guitar. It sounded Ok but I wanted to stretch my limits a little and did the strings, something I never did before. That in itself explains the repetitive arrangement. And Oh yes, the thing is very corny!!! That wasn't the original intention, it just turned out that way. Lyrics don't come easy sometimes....well, most times....unless their x-rated, then they flow like water!

Anyway, no offense taken to any of the comments made. I know they were intended to be constructive and that's the way I take them. As you can see (hear) I do need all the help I can get!
 
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