Sayonara To You - Constructive Critiques

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Please take a listen to a new track called Sayonara To You. I would appreciate all feedback on the mix. I still have a bit more to do but would like some feedback. Thanks

https://soundcloud.com/renips/sayonara-to-you
Sayonara To You
Written by Mark Spinner
Verse 1
I bailed my girlfriend out of jail today “What a day”
It feels like orange is the new black today “What can I say”?

Verse 2
Summertime is finished it’s over,
My relationship with my girl it’s over
Along with all the lies and heartache she gave me
Don’t want to hear her say “Baby I’m sorry”

Pre Chorus
Get out of my life
Take along your sorrow and bad news
Go find someone else to hang onto
Get out of my life
Take along your sorrow and bad news
Go find someone else to hang onto

Chorus
I’m gonna write a rock and roll song, talk about all the things that went wrong
Then I’m gonna say Sayonara to you
I’m gonna feel so much better, I’ll write a song instead of a letter
Then I’m gonna say Sayonara to you

Guitar solo

Verse 3
Like I said it was a hell of a day I got in the way
Of things I didn’t deserve that
Were thrown my way
I’m leaving today

Verse 4
Summertime is finished it’s over
My relationship with my girl it’s over
Along with all the lies and heartache she gave me
Don’t want to hear her say “Baby I’m sorry”

Pre Chorus

Chorus
 
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It started very abruptly. Didn't like that.

I can only hear the mid range of the bass in my left speaker. Don't like that much
The kick is just a really low frequency thump. Sounds like a MIDI sample for an EDM song or a sine wave being side chained in from a trigger.

The vocal was rather harsh. It needs de-essing or high frequency attenuation. The hi-hat as well. It sounds like a snake hissing at me during the chorus.

I couldn't make out the rhythm guitars much at all. They were very dampened and heavy in the low end without much presence in the midrange. I couldn't hear what they were doing besides going "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr".


It's a nice song and you performed it well but I'm not a fan of the mix.
 
There is some really weird effect going on. It sounds like the sound is flangering all over the stereo image at a really quick rate the entire song. I couldn't say what's doing it but look at your effects and compressors. Something is fluctuating like crazy and it's really bothersome to listen to on my headphones.
 
Schwarzenyaeger said:
There is some really weird effect going on. It sounds like the sound is flangering all over the stereo image at a really quick rate the entire song. I couldn't say what's doing it but look at your effects and compressors. Something is fluctuating like crazy and it's really bothersome to listen to on my headphones.
Click to expand...

At :51 - 1:19sec(pre chorus) Also the same at(pre chorus) 2:35 - 3:00 min I have a flanger on a guitar part. I am not hearing any flanging other than that.
 
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I hear it clearly with varying intensity throughout the song. It might have something to do with the clutter. A lot of the instruments are rather undefined. I can't make out a "drumset", it sounds more like a loose collection of drum sounds. The kick is still rather just a low end boom than a kick.

It's a good song, keep at it.
 
Schwarzenyaeger said:
I hear it clearly with varying intensity throughout the song. It might have something to do with the clutter. A lot of the instruments are rather undefined. I can't make out a "drumset", it sounds more like a loose collection of drum sounds. The kick is still rather just a low end boom than a kick.

It's a good song, keep at it.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your time. I will continue to tweak.
 
Listened to your updated mix from post #3 (listening with headphones):

I pretty much noticed what Schwarzenyaeger did, particularly the undefined kick (low thumping with no beater-on-drum-head-slap sound at all). I hear that flanger effect you have on the guitar and I don't really like it (the way the mix is currently, anyway). The singing itself is fine, but the vocals are too loud.

I'm no mixing expert, so take my comments for what they're worth... I'm just giving a layman's opinion.

I like the song. Jail, losing your girl... good stuff! If it's all true I hope you at least got your bail money back.
 
I updated the mix. Here are some things I did

Drum track(bass drum) Eq'd differently and got an improved response at least to my ears. The thud seems to be gone and the bass drum sounds a bit more musical
Eq'd the guitars. Got some more midrange and rearranged the the placement of the guitars in the mix. Seems to have more definition
Got rid of the flange effect I used on some guitar parts, It was not working.
Bass guitar got some more mid range eq and gave more space to the stereo field. I had it more to one side before.

Mix seems to be more clear and not as jumbled. There is a lot going on.
Vocals are leveled and prominent in mix.
https://soundcloud.com/renips/sayonara-to-you
 
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