Jokes!!

Not exactly jokes but two of my dads sayings.
"That''s noisier than a skeleton jerking off on a tin roof."
and
"That's harder than squeezing a pimple on a black babes ass in a dark closet while wearing boxing gloves."
I should have asked him where he got them from, to late to ask now. He was a good old man.
 
Three young lads are out trying to make some money shoveling snow. They finish one gents driveway and are trying to decide what to do with the money.
The oldest says lets go to the movies. The middle kid points out they don't have enough for all three so the older one ask what he thinks. He says we can buy candy. The youngest says my would take it away from me. So the two older kids asks him what they should spend it on and he says tampons. They both respond tampons, what would we want them for? The little one says if we get those we can go swimming, we can go horseback riding, we can play tennis..
My faves are kids jokes. Like why is six afraid of seven? Or what was purple and conquered the world? Or who do you get an elephant off a wall?
 
Okay, had to leave this one here. Probably a few who can relate...
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My cousin has 2 tickets for the 2023 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $5,500 for each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, that it was going to be the same day of his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Temple of God Church at 3pm. Her name is Michelle she is 5'6 about 135lbs, good cook and loves to cuddle.... she'll be the one in the white puffy dress !!! Enjoy !!
 
I didn't want to, but I ended up explaining it to her. I got charged with Involuntary Mansplaining...

Did you hear what the Italian groundhog saw? He didn't see nuthin'

If I take a cow through the vineyard, do I herd it through the grape vines??
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BroKen_H said:
I didn't want to, but I ended up explaining it to her. I got charged with Involuntary Mansplaining...

Did you hear what the Italian groundhog saw? He didn't see nuthin'

If I take a cow through the vineyard, do I herd it through the grape vines??
YSZwaWQ9QXBp
Click to expand...
A guitar guy takes his Les Paul to a shop for repair. He gets busted for dope and spends 2 years in prison. On release he finds the ticket for the guitar in his jeans. He goes to the store and says .... I left my guitar here a long time ago... I dont know whether you still have it? The guy looks at the ticket and says... oh yes mate.. it will be ready next Tuesday 😅
 
TalismanRich said:
View attachment 125918
Click to expand...
A man meets a pretty lady on the golf course. She is on her own so they have a game for a round of drinks. She beats him and they arrange another game next week and she beats hin again. The lady invites him back to her house. They kiss and cuddle and she says... I am so sorry I am a trans man.... the bloke says.... YOU BASTARD, ALL THIS TIME YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING OFF THE RED TEES!!
 
So, what you need to do is send random women heart emojis on twitter. Then let them know they are your tweet hearts...

I'll see myself out.
 
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