Jokes!!

A couple walks into a bar.

They get a little drunk, take a taxi home, and proceed to have le sexy times. Vedy nice.



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This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything.

About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it."

Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained.

"Really, what do you take for that?" she asked.

Ian replied, "Pepper."
 
Why is 6 afraid of 7?

6 is not afraid of 7. They're both fucking numbers and don't have any feelings, thoughts, or conscience.




I think I'm going revive my anti-joke thread and post that there. :p




Not before I bump one particular thread though. :D
 
A blond was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blond said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
 
Several German parishoners noticed strange music coming from Beethoven's grave. No one could explain it, but the music was strangely familiar- but they just couldn't place it. The called the town's music teacher to the grave site, and after listening for a few moments, he said, "Oh, that's 'Fur Elise,' you didn't recognize it because it's being played backwards."

"Why is it being played backwards?" everyone wanted to know.

the music teacher said, "Because the great man is decomposing."
 
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

49-state answer- None. Those guys are ALWAYS in the dark.

Nashville answer- One...five... one... five...
 
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

49-state answer- None. Those guys are ALWAYS in the dark.

Nashville answer- One...five... one... five...
 
A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?The man say,s "Alabama." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
 
On the first day of school, a teacher asked her class, "Who here is a Mets fan?"
Every student knew that she loved the Mets, so they replied bye raising their hands, except for one girl, Rosie.
The teacher asked, "Who do you like, little girl?" Rosie replied, "I'm a Yankees fan and I hate the Mets."
The teacher asked why and Rosie told her that her parents were Yankees fans, so she was too. The teacher said to the class, "So if Rosie's parents were idiots, what would that make her?"
Rosie chimed in, "A Mets fan!!!"

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A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose."I think it's raining," he says to his wife."No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies.Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them."Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing.""It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on.But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow."To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
 
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