Jokes!!

dachay2tnr

One Hit Wonder
The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."

”Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"I think so,” said Little Johnny, "He stopped calling for help yesterday.”
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
I remember a
☕
called MJB.
Does Juan Valdez have something to do with FJB?
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
Got a call from Health Services here locally. They wanted to know about my experience with COVID. I told her, "Definitely one star. Would not recommend to my friends." She didn't even laugh... probably heard it a few times.
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
Real life is funnier than anything I can make up.
I was doing my job (packing meat on the counter) the other day and a customer walked up to me spouting the current main stream news fear mongering about how expensive Thanksgiving dinner was going to be this year. I asked him why he thought that.
His answer? "Look what's happened to the price of bacon."
So I asked if that was all he was worried about and he said, "Look across the street at how fast the price of gas is rising."
I said, "Yeah, I understand. Thanksgiving is never the same if you can't wash your bacon and stuffing down with some fresh 93 octane..."
He just looked at me with a blank stare. The sheep are so amusing.
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
I decided I needed to do something about the childhood obesity problem in this country, so I left my light off and ate all the Halloween candy I bought myself...
 

Gtoboy

Well-known member
Real life is funnier than anything I can make up.
I was doing my job (packing meat on the counter) the other day and a customer walked up to me spouting the current main stream news fear mongering about how expensive Thanksgiving dinner was going to be this year. I asked him why he thought that.
His answer? "Look what's happened to the price of bacon."
So I asked if that was all he was worried about and he said, "Look across the street at how fast the price of gas is rising."
I said, "Yeah, I understand. Thanksgiving is never the same if you can't wash your bacon and stuffing down with some fresh 93 octane..."
He just looked at me with a blank stare. The sheep are so amusing.
It's better with race fuel 114 octane anyway.
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
Okay, sorry to any this may offend in advance. It IS meant to be humor...

Dean Martin anyone? (To the tune of That's Amore)

When they want it all free
So they vote for Bernie That's a moron.
If they spout all their views
But they just quote the news That's a moron!

If they hate that fool Trump
So for Biden they'd stump That's a moron
If deep down in their soul
They support gun control That's a moron!

When you stop the pipeline
And put gas in a bind You're a moron
If no one really cares
As you trip up the stairs You're a moron!

Leaving Afghanistan
But you don't have a plan You're a moron!
When your Vatican plans
Are to just crap your pants You're a moron!

(And obviously, it takes one to know one) :D :facepalm:
 

LazerBeakShiek

AKA Optimus Prime LEGO Vampire
Seriously they think it means children can walk around with loaded SBR's but adults cannot....For what reason? Maturity?
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
Okay, I saw an advert for a Buy Your Car For Cash thing on FB yesterday. The company was peddle . com . .
So, of course I had to leave a comment. I said:

I would sell you my car, but you'd want to keep tabs on me, and I wouldn't want you to make me a peddle file...

I'm sure they were not as please with my comment as I was, but I hope someone got a good laugh before they deleted it!
 

Gtoboy

Well-known member
Okay, I saw an advert for a Buy Your Car For Cash thing on FB yesterday. The company was peddle . com . .
So, of course I had to leave a comment. I said:

I would sell you my car, but you'd want to keep tabs on me, and I wouldn't want you to make me a peddle file...

I'm sure they were not as please with my comment as I was, but I hope someone got a good laugh before they deleted it!
Do you have a pedal car?
 

spantini

COO of me, inc.
These two dogs were in a stall at the Churchill Downs stables, lazing in the hay, when one says "I think Boston Bob's going to take it this year", and the other replies "He's good, but my money's on Frightful Fancy - a sure winner". the first dog comes back with "That mudder? No way!". Just then, the horse who's stall they were in goes "You're both wrong. Charlemagne's Choice by 4 lengths - guaranteed".

Then the first dog says to the second "Huh.. imagine that. A talking horse!"
 
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