Okay...teach me about love.

XLR said:
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My thoughts exactly.

But seriously...for me personally, I've given up on love in the context we are talking about it. I love my family, I love my best friend, and I love my cat, I would lay down my life for any of them, but in a romantic sense, i've given up. I'm not denying it exists for some, but for me, it all turns to hatred. Call me bitter if you want. I mean, that's a pretty close approximation of what I am, but I couldn't possibly comment further on that kind of love because it doesn't exist in my world. In my world it's a pretense and a precursor to misery.
 
Love is a decision and a commitment to a person with which you share a mutual respect and an ease of communication. The feeling varies. Some times better than others but, the commitment is what makes you ride out the less than perfect times. knowing that it all comes back around.

It may not always be romantic but, it's either that or relation ships that end when the lust subsides.

F.S.
 
True, I think you have a realistic and mature concept of love.

You hit it on the head when you talked about the love you have for your children.

THAT is love. Really really really wanting to stick it in somebody (or having somebody stick it in you) is not love. It's infatuation. It's desire.

One thing about desire is that it is inward-facing. Love is the opposite. Love is about self-sacrifice.

Desire is the root of so many problems. When you desire someone's attention, when you desire someone's adulation, when you desire their acceptance, what you're doing is handing over the keys to your happiness to someone else.

Awareness is the answer. Know yourself.

You're not missing out on love. You're missing out on infatuation, which is another thing entirely. Infatuation is decadent. There's nothing wrong with it, but realize that infatuation can never satisfy the need to give yourself wholly to something other than yourself. Like your kids. They are a worthy thing to give yourself to.

I have my "soul mate" and I'm very lucky to have her. We are not joined at the hip. We share some common interests, but disagree on some things. Our relationship is practical, and that is why it will survive. It's success isn't based on her desires or mine, but a realistic and shared view of why we are together and what we can accomplish as a team.

You have love, and you are loved.
 
Supercreep said:
True, I think you have a realistic and mature concept of love.

You hit it on the head when you talked about the love you have for your children.

THAT is love. Really really really wanting to stick it in somebody (or having somebody stick it in you) is not love. It's infatuation. It's desire.

One thing about desire is that it is inward-facing. Love is the opposite. Love is about self-sacrifice.

Desire is the root of so many problems. When you desire someone's attention, when you desire someone's adulation, when you desire their acceptance, what you're doing is handing over the keys to your happiness to someone else.

Awareness is the answer. Know yourself.

You're not missing out on love. You're missing out on infatuation, which is another thing entirely. Infatuation is decadent. There's nothing wrong with it, but realize that infatuation can never satisfy the need to give yourself wholly to something other than yourself. Like your kids. They are a worthy thing to give yourself to.

I have my "soul mate" and I'm very lucky to have her. We are not joined at the hip. We share some common interests, but disagree on some things. Our relationship is practical, and that is why it will survive. It's success isn't based on her desires or mine, but a realistic and shared view of why we are together and what we can accomplish as a team.

You have love, and you are loved.
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I think you're dead right. My perhaps twisted perception of the non-existance of romantic love in my 'world' is probably because I will never feel any kind of love as pure and imporant as I do for and from my family, my cat, or my best friend, who is my soul mate. I think none of the romantic bullshit works for me because I don't need it. Therefore any relationship I'm in ends up being about something maybe more primal and uneccessary (not sure if that's the best way to put it), or desire, as you put it. And i don't think desire is the basis for something you can have for the rest of your life. I think the only way a romantic relationship would work is if beforehand it had already developed into the aforementioned famil/cat/best friend relationship. At which point I wouldn't want to go into some kind of relationship because the element of sex always fucks those sorts of friendships up. And retaining those sorts of friendships is far more important to me than getting laid.
 
love is a fire that won't go out. it is a fountain that never runs dry. it is a warm summers rain, and a clear moonlit night. love is a mountain view from which to see. it's a runaway horse that you try to ride. when it is true it can change you for the better. it WILL change you for the better. those with open hearts love often and deeply, those with closed hearts love rarely and hardly at all.
 
After failing:confused:, miserably:o, at marriage,:( more than once:mad:, I finally stopped looking for it. I decided that I couldn't trust my self to make a rational decision and pretty much started spending money on studio gear and holing up in my little one bedroom loft. Then, quite unbidden, came into a relationship with a friend at work. We were friends for a long time before a particular dinner date turned awkward.
12 years later, we are still friends and still together. I learned something in the process and I passed it on to my son who got married 5 years ago (his marriage has lasted longer than any of mine:cool:). Anyone can fall into infatuation. Everyone loves the heat of a new, exciting relationship but the kicker is waiting out the flames...and they do subside. Nothing burns forever at that voracious rate. What remains is a comforting glow of friendship that feeds love. If you can wait out that weird period between conflagration and the steady glow of the coals, you've got it made. Vicki and I truly like each other and share alot of interests, but we're still very different....Minneapolis Minnesota meets small town West Texas redneck.:D Yet now, we complete each others sentences and laugh at the "Hey, I was just thinking that!" moments that seem to be more and more common.:cool:
 
Nicole_Rose said:
love is a fire that won't go out. it is a fountain that never runs dry. it is a warm summers rain, and a clear moonlit night. love is a mountain view from which to see. it's a runaway horse that you try to ride. when it is true it can change you for the better. it WILL change you for the better. those with open hearts love often and deeply, those with closed hearts love rarely and hardly at all.
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I can see how this works for you. I started to grow boobs just reading it. :D
 
The love of my life started in a bar that I was playing in....she thought I had a cute ass. Lust would be the better word, physical attration, nothing more but, as time went by, we talked to each other(really we did) found out that we had many things in common.

Then there was the whole trust thing, that took a while. Once trust was established there was fondness, being exclusive to each other and finally the words were spoken...I love you.

I can honestly say that my wife is my best friend, she would do anything for me and I would do the same for her. Our lives grow richer each year, there is a very complex relationship that I can't explain within the confines of this space. Lets just say ..........I love her.
 
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