My mother passed six months ago.

60's guy

Well-known member
She was 90 years young. I am thankful that she passed before Covid-19 hit the nursing home that she lived at for the last year of her life.

A year before my mom passed...I wrote a song.

I know that my most darkest fear was fear of the other side

I often wondered if i'd find a place where I could hide


There's someone here for everyone

I'm still here for you

When I see you, I see, you are here for me


When I dream about you, I dream of the days you ran to me

Wide open arms

A smile upon your face


It's my dreams that close the distance between now and long ago

It's my dreams that keep you with me late at night when I'm alone


When you dream about me, you will dream of days I ran to you

Wide open arms

A smile upon my face


All your dreams will close the distance between now and long ago

All your dreams will keep me with you late at night when you're alone


I know that my most darkest fear is fear of the other side

Familiar voices, when I dream, say there's no need to hide


They say that they are waiting there on the other side

We'll be together once again

We never say goodbye


When we meet in heaven I won't turn away

I'll run to you

Wide open arms

A smile upon my face


It's our dreams that close the distance between now and long ago

It's the dreams we dream together late at night when we're alone


There will be a life we will live forever

You will see

I'll take you along if you dream on

I'll take you along
 
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Mine passed away just a little over a year ago...she was a bit younger than yours, 86...but still had a good, long life.

Yesterday I received the "Memory Tree" that I ordered last summer, and I wanted to wait until this spring to plant it.
She planted a LOT of flowers, bushes, trees around my house...gardening was her passion, and I still have most of it left to remind me of her every time I step out my door...so I wanted to plant something for her, and I picked out an Arborvitae, "Tree of Life"...which is that tall, pyramid-like evergreen.

I had another one that she planted a long time ago, and it grew to about 25-30' tall...but when I started my studio construction, it had to be taken down. I hoped they could save it and replant it, but it was already November, and some of it got damaged...so I ended up losing that one.
I spent a lot of time helping her in the gardens when she needed things transplanted and stuff hauled away...and I inherited quite a bit of her green thumb...even inside my house, there are plants all over the place...all pretty much inspired by my Mom's passion.

I was just out on my deck today looking where to plant this one for her...I kinda want it somewhere near my new studio, but I still have a lot of re-grading and landscaping to do, left over from the construction...so I'm probably just going to plant it in some temporary spot, and then move it after all the landscaping is finished.

I'm thinking of getting a couple more...one for my Dad who passed back in 2005, and the other for my sister, who I lost way too early in 2016. She was a big supporter of my studio/music interests...and we use to even be in a band together for a short time back in our youth.

Life is strange sometimes, the way things go...but it is what it is. Got to keep moving forward, but always remember the past.
 
Sonmi-451: I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And (s)he would be waiting for me there.
 
Sorry to hear that, 60's. And miro.

Mine's been gone for 5 1/2 years. She had Alzheimer's and I took care of her the last 4 years of her life. It wasn't pretty.
 
Sorry to hear that, 60's. And miro.

Mine's been gone for 5 1/2 years. She had Alzheimer's and I took care of her the last 4 years of her life. It wasn't pretty.

Damn...I know how hard it was for me really taking care of my Mon the last year, especially her last few months when she was pretty much in bed 24/7, and I only had hospice stopping by 2-3 times a week just to do their usual check-up...so I pretty much was tending to her 24/7, and only got some sleep when she would, but often lot's of waking up...I was real tired.
I can only imagine how tough 4 years were for you, with the Alzheimer's on top of it!
Hat's off to you brother...that's a lot of commitment and love, hanging in there that long. :thumbs up:

My Mom was OK in her last few months, she was clear headed, though at times would get a little foggy about where she was when waking up...but no Alzheimer's...her problem was the COPD that destroyed her lungs.
I miss her like hell...she spent every summer with me for the last 35 years...my Dad with her while he was alive, but the last 14 years with only her. We always got along well, and I looked forward to her coming up from FL every spring, it was a different vibe than my winter months...two different worlds. The winters were mine, but in the summer, I would let her have the run of the place and did what I could to keep her comfortable and happy...and we managed to not get in each other's way too much.
 
60'sguy, hang in there, sorry to hear about your mom.

COVID-19, its too much for so many elderly people it seems. 90years is a long run but as we age, the numbers dont seem to matter as much as the reality of mortality. It sounds over-used but hopefully she didn't suffer too long. Texas numbers show the 80 and over group is by far the largest fatality group.

My moms 85, been through some counseling since my Dad died a year ago. In the counseling they told her its about 3 yrs of the worst "re-adjusting".
They were married 63 yrs or so and obviously shes pretty lost without him, now the COVID has isolated her more. The counseling is also for anyone dealing with grief but its mainly focused on Death and spouse survivors majority of group. She really benefitted from it and liked it.

Your song is interesting, ...creative outlets came to mind, seems a healthy way to deal with it.
 
I appreciate the responses.

When I first learned (years ago) that my mom had been diagnosed with dementia and short term memory loss, it was a couple of weeks before her twin sister hosted a picnic at her home.

I pulled into the driveway, and parked. I saw my Mom sitting at a picnic bench, alone.

I walked over, sat down, and said to her, "Hey Mom, I hear that you are having a hard time remembering things and people. I almost wore a nametag just in case you couldn't remember who I am."

In a split second.....my Mom punched me in the arm and said, "I will never forget who you are."

That was many years ago and she held true to her word when I sat there with her before she passed.
 
Both my parents are pushing 90 and both are slipping into dementia.

Last fall, my daughter and I flew up to NJ for my sister's surprise birthday party. The day before, we stopped in to visit my dad. He didn't recognize my daughter, which we expected. He did recognize me, but forgot some details. The next day at the party, there were a lot of people and he got overwhelmed so he asked my step mom to take him home. Knowing that that might be the last time we saw him we wanted to say goodbye. He wasn't having it. Then he looked at my daughter and said, "I'm sorry. I know I should know who you are and I don't. I can't remember anyone right now. I know I love you." Yeah, my daughter cried.

Recently, my siblings and I had a zoom meeting with my mom. She kept asking who the long hair guy was, and she thought my son was me.

At least I know when my brain will turn to mush. :)
 
In a split second.....my Mom punched me in the arm and said, "I will never forget who you are."

That was many years ago and she held true to her word when I sat there with her before she passed.

That's funny. :D

I would tease my Mom sometimes too...like she would forget something, and it would stress her out at that moment...and I would tell her, "As long as you don't forget who I am"...and she would laugh.
She never got to the dementia stage, but the last few months she had some moments of confusion. I think her erratic sleep and low oxygen levels would make her a bit spacey at times...but right to the very end, she knew who I was, though at times she would call me by my father's name, then realize it, and then call me by my name.

It's sad though when you have to watch them really go deep into dementia. I know a few of my friend's parents went into that state before they passed, and it was hard for them.

.

At least I know when my brain will turn to mush. :)

So you're saying that as though it has yet to happen...? ;)

Hey...90 is pretty darn good, so anyone that makes it that far gets all the slack they need.
 
If there was ever an upside to my Mom's dementia....it would have to be that she simply focused on the here and now.

My brother committed suicide 40 years ago. My dad died 13 months later. She was heart broken and she dwelled on it for 30 years.

And then, as if by magic, or by the grace of (who knows), God?....a degree of dementia helped her to not remember tragic moments.

Albeit that she couldn't always remember the names of her grand children....she never forgot my name or my sister's names....ever.

Once again, I appreciate the sharing of stories.
 
Just saw this...Sorry my brother. Lost my Mom 8 years ago...seems like yesterday...just a few days short of 93 and luckily she had a sharp mind right to the end. Awesome that she was able to remember you to the end..Dementia and Oldtimers suck. Sweet lyrics to the tune you wrote for her....Post the tune bro! Love n hugs to you my generous Jamfest hat giving friend :thumbs up:
 
Just saw this...Sorry my brother. Lost my Mom 8 years ago...seems like yesterday...just a few days short of 93 and luckily she had a sharp mind right to the end. Awesome that she was able to remember you to the end..Dementia and Oldtimers suck. Sweet lyrics to the tune you wrote for her....Post the tune bro! Love n hugs to you my generous Jamfest hat giving friend :thumbs up:
Sorry to read that you lost your mom years ago. There's a special place in the heart of every man for his mom. That is one thing that all men share in common with each other.

About those lyrics....I mentioned in another thread that I wrote the lyrics to the music of Les Dudek's song "Behind The Mask".

Actually, if you listen to "Behind The Mask"...disregard his lyrics....read/hear my lyrics in concert it'll be syllable for syllable in phrasing.

There is no way....ever....that I would record my lyrics to his music. I used his music as a vehicle to write personal lyrics about the fear of death that my mom always had.

Admittedly, or not, we are all fearful.

On the last few hours of my mom's life.....we...son, daughters, granddaughters, grandsons, son's in law, nieces, and nephews took turns holding her hand for the last time.

My mother hadn't been awake for hours.

And then, all of a sudden, when my cousin was holding her hand, my Mother suddenly awoke and raised her arms up and said "It's beautiful". She said it once again....and then she was gone.

"It's beautiful" were the last two words she spoke.

I have no clue what it was she may have seen at the last moment of her life, but I am thankful that.....whatever it was she may have seen....she was content and at peace.

My goal now, is to perhaps write a new song using the words.."It's beautiful".
 
On the last few hours of my mom's life.....we...son, daughters, granddaughters, grandsons, son's in law, nieces, and nephews took turns holding her hand for the last time.

My mother hadn't been awake for hours.

And then, all of a sudden, when my cousin was holding her hand, my Mother suddenly awoke and raised her arms up and said "It's beautiful". She said it once again....and then she was gone.

"It's beautiful" were the last two words she spoke.

We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Man that is an awesome "beautiful" adios story...what a gift to your family. Thanks for sharing that.

The last few days of my Mom's life were torturous for my 4 siblings and myself. She was totally mentally solid when we all kissed her good luck as she went into surgery that last time. When they opened her up the doctors realized that there was no saving her, the cancer was everywhere so they closed her up and opted to keep her in an induced coma until she passed. It took about 4 days for her to pass...It took it's toll but in the big picture pretty fast.......my heart goes out to the millions of families that have to sit and watch for weeks, months, years watching a loved one noncommunicable lying there in a bed waiting for the end...sad shit.

One thing she kept doing was reaching out like she was trying to get to someone or something..several times she called out mama.

The nurses said it was a very common occurrence..

My Mom had no fear of death and actually was kind of looking forward to the next phase. She was a hardcore practicing Catholic but on what happens after this thing she was dubious as to what is next...she felt reincarnation was a real possibility....Often asking the question "Why am I still here?" All but one of her 11 siblings had passed, all but a handful of her life long friends..I'd tell her because we still need you here...She never realized how much her kids as adults still relied on her wisdom. She was our go to when the shit hit the fan.

Having faced the fact that I may or may not get to hang around a whole lot more due to the aggressive skin cancers I have been fighting I am at peace with dying...but I am surely in no rush and am hopeful I can win the small battle and get maybe 15 / 20 or so more years without having to put my loved ones through a lot of heartache in doing so. Have 6 grand kids I'd like to watch grow up...doing everything I can to hang around.

I was about 7 when I lost my first loved one..an awesome Uncle
Man it sucked on so many levels...had a cousin ( his son ) a few years older than me that was just wiped out over it..
A year or so later a good friend of my parents was killed in an auto accident and my obsession with death and what comes next began....

I went to Catholic school for a good portion of my elementary education..@ 9 in class one day I asked a nun the big one. Where did God come from? Quickly she answered God has always been and always will be....No, I came back how does something come from nothing? Damn I gotta shut this kid up...That Thomas is what we call the "divine mystery", it is beyond our capacity to know or understand....fueling that obsession with how this all came to be and where it is all going.....and now almost 60 years later ...still clueless other than accepting this is some kind of dream within a dream...There is far more going on within this dream than we are capable of fathoming and this whole deal is just a blink in what we conceive is eternity. An undefinable "experience". We are all part of this miracle and we are each miracles in motion.


I wrote this little diddly and tune to go with it several years ago...

Death is the soldier standing guard
Over the mystery of life and no matter how hard, we try
We don't get to know what's going on
Though we'd really really like to know
Oh........what's going on?
Please tell me, please tell me cause I would really really like to know.
 
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