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Thread: Jokes!

  1. #11
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    Health Tip:
    If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport.
    You'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam.
    And if you mention ISIS you'll get a free colonoscopy too.
    Old men start wars. Young men fight them. And everyone in the middle gets killed. War is natural. Peace is accidental.

  2. #12
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    What did Mick Jagger say when he saw Hugh Heffner having sex with Dennis Weaver?




    (Scroll down)








    Hey Hey, Hugh Hugh, Get off of McCloud!

  3. #13
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    I had a joke about barium....

    Bu I'll just let that Be.

    Bob left work one Friday evening.
    But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
    When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
    He replied, "That would be fine with me."
    Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
    Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
    But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.


    I didn't want to believe my friend was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I walked into his garage all the signs were there...
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    I don't care about my ego, I care about my mixes--Just say what you mean.

  4. #14
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    How can people claim they know nothing...if you know it, it's something.

    I keep putting off going to Procrastinators' Anonymous.

    I joined Agoraphobics' Anonymous, but I'm afraid to go to the meetings...
    Soundcloud Page
    I don't care about my ego, I care about my mixes--Just say what you mean.

  5. #15
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    Old men start wars. Young men fight them. And everyone in the middle gets killed. War is natural. Peace is accidental.

  6. #16
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    A "post retirement" couple were visiting their neighbors. The husband was describing this new restaurant they just found. "It's across town, best steaks I've had in years...lemme think of it's name...uh, it's..it's ..darn, it's on the tip of my tongue"..then to the neighbor he asks "What's that red rose that smells so nice? " A rose? Says the neighbor. "Yeah, yeah that's it!" He turns to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant?"

  7. #17
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    2 blonds sitting on a park bench. 1 asks the other, which do you think is further? Florida or the moon? The other replies "duh, you can see the moon."
    Wow, now I feel really stupid. Thanks.

  8. #18
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    A gentleman is on a train and a younger man asks him what time it is. He ignores the young man. The guy asks again, same result. Finally he says to the older man, "Have I done something to offend you?"

    The gentleman says "No, it's not that. If I told you the time, you would thank me and then we would start to chat. We would then find we have much in common, and I would invite you to my home for dinner. At my home you would meet my beautiful daughter, fall in love with her and then ask me for permission to marry her. I would have to say no, and you would be crushed."

    The young man says, "Why would you not want me to marry her, since we get along so well?"

    He replies, "Why would I want my daughter to marry a man who can't afford a watch?"
    Last edited by radi0j0hn; 3 Weeks Ago at 18:52. Reason: typos

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